True Facts About Chris Rea

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea had had trouble building a new turdis because it needs two jags. I guess there's an opportunity now

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea was invited for a party at Michael Barrymore's house one evening.

For a laugh Rea used the TURDIS to go forward in time and recover the dead body of his future self, which he dumped in the pool.

Sadly the wheeze backfired. Barrymore, virtuous churchgoer and philanthropist that he was, found his career ruined while Rea (the living one, that is) fled backwards through time to escape blame.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Keith Chegwin is Chris Rea wearing a mask

 

[Drago]

Tomorrow's World started out as a hi-tech version of Police 5 as the authorities sought information about Chris,Rea's time travelling misdemeanours.

 

[lazybloke]

Tomorrow's World started out as a hi-tech version of Police 5 as the authorities sought information about Chris,Rea's time travelling misdemeanours.

Judith Hann threw everyone off the scent, she was secretly in a relationship with Rea.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Raymond Baxter claimed to be Chris Rea's biological father but James Burke was having none of it and, using a home made paternity test consisting of Harpic and Jif Lemon, proved him conclusively wrong.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea preferred Swap Shop to Tiswas, mainly because famous crosdresser Noella Edmunds was also a beard fan.

 

[DRM]

It seems Chris Rea is in high level negotiations with both the BBC and ITV, to bring back Whickers World, in a new format, Called Rea’s World, where courtesy of the Turdis, he will highlight places in current times and the past

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea embarrassed himself. At a recent party Rea was in conversation with John Noakes when he proposed a show called Countryphile about rurally based 70s DJs.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris Rea brought a fully functioning quantum computer back from 2,312AD. He intended to break Bitcoin and banking encryption and make a fortune. Unfortunately someone in 2,312AD turned off its twin, just after he left. Due to quantum superposition his version would now not turn on. He now uses it to prop up his guitar.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea was considered to play Major John Reismannjnnthe Dirty Dozen. However, he took the part too seriously and after beating Steve McQueen and Yul Brynner to death while filming one training scene he was sacked.

Lee Marvin was sobered up along enough to play Reisman, while Bronson and Telly Savalas were brought in to replace McQueen and Brynner.

Director Robert Aldrich was notoriously tight with a shekel and had McQueen and Brynner's corpses dressed in Nazzie uniforms and used to portray dead Germans in the action sequences. By the end there wasn't much of them left so Aldrich saved on the cost of two funerals by bagging up the bits and leaving them out for the dustmen. Meanwhile Rea made amends by using th3 TURDIS to go back and bring live versions of the deceased pair to the then present time.

 

[DRM]

A certain time travelling resident of Middlesbrough got a mention on the John Robson Friday Live Stream on You Tube, apparently, iirc he said his gran had clipped a long haired youth round the ear as he was a "Wrong Un" for having a sneaky fag outside Rea's Fish n Chips in Middlesbrough, his name was Chris!!!

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea has signed on to be a chaser in the next series of The Chase.

He will be known as the Bearded Ba****d.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea has been caught in a compromising position with a leather flying helmet ,a stick of limp celery and a egg whisk, in a boudoir above a French cafe.
He Denies any knowledge of a painting ,the Fallen Madonna with the big boobies......he wasn't there ,but elsewhere ........

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea brought America into WWII by using the TURDIS to attack Pesrl Harbour.

He never bothered sinking then USS Phoenix as he knew he'd get the chance to sink it in 1982.