True Facts About Chris Rea

[DRM]

Chris Rea was the technical manager for Paddy McGunness's Raleigh Chopper charity fund-raising effort, and only demanded 75% in fees.

Rea is now pushing McGuinness to try a grand tour in 2025. Apparently there's no mention of 'auberge doping' in the UCI rulebook, so it'll be totally legit.

Not only that but speculation is rife that Chris Rea has been towing Paddy McGuiness with his highly modded E-Brompton

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea can't stand the rain, against his window.

 

[Drago]

During WW2 Chris Rea used the TURDIS to evade rationing. He made a nice bit on the side selling surplus on the black market, although some of the more observant punters were puzzled by the "Dec 2025" Best By date on the corned beef.

 

[DRM]

30th April 1945, The Turdis appears in Central Berlin, Chris Rea sneaks out to have a look around, artillery and gun fire is getting closer, in the distance he can hear Russian voices, so he decides it’s best to get out of there, quickly, he is unaware that a man and woman have spotted the Turdis and gone inside, so it’s next stop Argentina to investigate just how well their economy is doing in 1950, and why it was starting to collapse, on arriving in Buenos Aries, he was shocked when a woman and a man with a strange small moustache barged past, said something in German, and vanished into the city, to this day Chris can’t be 100% sure, but he would swear that Adolf and Eva stowed away in the Turdis

 

[Drago]

The aerial footage of the police pursuit of of OJ Simpson was filmed by Chris Rea from the TURDIS.

 

[stephec]

Chris scours the Friday music thread every week, and he's very disappointed that he doesn't feature far more often.

So much so that he's decided to use his time travelling to go back in time and write songs with the sole intention of dominating the thread for ever more.

 

[Drago]

The first flight by the Montgolfier brothers was actually an April fools prank by Chris Rea, Richard Harris, and the TURDIS decked out to resemble a hot air balloon.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea went back to Sweden 1973, were he met up with 2 up & coming song writers as he stepped out of the Turdis, humming a melody, that he had been unable to turn into a song, on seeing the Turdis and hearing the melody Chris was humming to himself, they came up with the opening line “My My, a portaloo, that Chris Rea did exit” so Chris said that sounds bloody stupid, but told them all about his recent visit to Waterloo in 1815, where a sudden Auberge field explosion had obliterated the French army, caused the remainder of them to run off in disarray, and make Napoleon’s horse rear up, so that he fell off face first into the mud and horse shoot from his cavalry, naturally the British army claimed the victory and let their Prussian colleagues chase Napoleon back to France, where the Royal Navy captured the dirty, disheveled ex Emperor, this inspired the two Swedes, Benny & Bjorn to write a new song that won Eurovision in 1974, as well as coming up with the melody, providing inspiration for the lyrics, Chris made a suggestion that perhaps using the band’s initials that way round wasn’t such a good idea, but should be ABBA instead, that’s how Chris Rea won the Battle of Waterloo, and The Eurovision Song Contest, but he doesn’t like to brag about it

 

[Drago]

Richard Harris wrote the song MacArthur Park to honour his dear friend Chris Rea.

However, the "someone left the TURDIS in the rain" lyrics had to be hurriedly changed at the last minute to avoid a lawsuit from the BBC who owned the rights to Dr Who, Dr No, and Doctor Doctor Can't You See im Burning Burning.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's new supecooled superconductive Auberge Field generator leaves a freezing exhaust in the TURDIS' wake and is responsible for the unseasonably early and mildly radioactive snow.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea has never shaved, he doesn't need to. He was born with a goatee and it has remained constant throughout his life.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's Beard is the name of a punk band from Luton.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris doesn't do Strava, even on his modded Brompton.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea invented Strava (Special Time &  Relativistic Activity  V ehicle App)to record his TURDIS journeys, and after a spell opened it up for cyclists to use.

Ironically, it wasn't long before all Rea's KoM's were deleted due to either their suspiciously fast times, or because they were along public footpaths.

 

[grldtnr]

Uhuh ! Another pavement cyclist ! He'd better keep out of my way ,or he will come to grief!