True Facts About Chris Rea

[Drago]

The FAA have banned Chris Rea and the TURDIS from US airspace until after the election, as the intense Auberge field has already ignited several boxes of ballot papers and caused several more to fall from the van and end up scattered in the road.

As an aside Rea is not endorsing either candidate as neither has bought one of his records. Although Trump claimed to have once heard a Chris Rea song being played in a lift he was later to issue punitive sanctions against it.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris claims he is the fastest man sprinting the 100 yard dash( he doesn't recognise metric system) even if he is wearing custard filled wellies he can outsprint Usain Bolt, which if true is quite the achievement

It's come to light, that Chris has been banned from all European Athletic meets due to his claims and admission of using illegal substances and equipment......namely custard filled wellies.
He is considering having a fling with blamaonge , but in what capacity is unknown, could be Discus or shot put, he is already a champion Flan flinger, so seems he isn't ready to desert his athletic prowess in the field of after dinner sports.
...
He will keep on Puddin' in the effort, no matter what the authorities do.

 

[PeteXXX]

Chris Rea has never had a Walnut Whip.

 

[stephec]

When Chris Rea appeared on an early edition of Countdown he scored a ten letter word in every round, despite the rumours it was found to be pure coincidence that he and Richard Whiteley were members of the same lodge.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea is officially twinned with the village of Wetwang a Yorkshire Wolds village and civil parishin the East Riding of Yorkshire, England, 6 miles (10 kilometres) west of Driffield on the A166 road. This involves the yearly cultural exchange visit to Wetwang on the Eve of ChrisRea Mass, allegedly the basis for that song...

It has recently been shown that due to another Turdis glitch, Chris was taken to Stamford Bridge close to Wetwang, but it was 1066, where the sudden and unexpected appearance of the Turdis, scared both the English army, and the invading Norwegian Vikings, as both groups ran away, they met each other, and due to a fight or flight response, the Vikings were massacred in what became known as the battle of Stamford Bridge, Chris does try to keep this quiet

 

[grldtnr]

Poor Old King 'arold ,not only that William the Bastard, on the South coast, that Hard Harald from the North East and that sod flying around in a mystical Portaloo to contend with,.....'tis no wonder he copped one in the eye,...didn't see the flying bog coming, nor for that matter that Arrow....

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea denied claims of doping when banned from the 2012 olympic power lifting event, claiming that the huge quantities of anabolic steroids in his system were a by product of his favourite Aldi coffee.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris is a climate change denyer, says it's nothing to with him, so won't be doing anything about, ' chuck another Cat on the fire, it wants to go out ,muvvers !

 

[DRM]

It is rumoured that Chris Rea is to become the new face of Nespresso Coffee Pods, a top of the range machine has been fitted to the Turdis, and he has been spotted being filmed, it is believed he will be seen offering coffees to various people through time during various important historical events, with a smug expression on his face, George Clooney is beside himself at losing this gig

 

[grldtnr]

It is rumoured that Chris Rea is to become the new face of Nespresso Coffee Pods, a top of the range machine has been fitted to the Turdis, and he has been spotted being filmed, it is believed he will be seen offering coffees to various people through time during various important historical events, with a smug expression on his face, George Clooney is beside himself at losing this gig

Dunno why, but Clooney doesn't play slide geetaaar ! Although he might be able to hold a tune, he sang in Some of the Coen Brothers films but possibly that was dubbed.

 

[Drago]

The ozone hole over Antarctica is the exact size and shape of Chris Rea's TURDIS, although the gravel toned songster maintains that this, and the ozone stains on the TURDIS, are nothing more than a coincidence.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris Rea been back in time with a camera this time.

 

[grldtnr]

Ming ,it's not true without Photos !!!
This is a true life about Chris Rea thread.

 

[DRM]

Dunno why, but Clooney doesn't play slide geetaaar ! Although he might be able to hold a tune, he sang in Some of the Coen Brothers films but possibly that was dubbed.

Guilty as charged, but George Clooney stole the part in O Brother Where For Art Thou, that was Chris Rea’s as head of The Soggy Bottom Boys, Chris was fuming as he would not have lip synced the singing parts

 

[geocycle]

Chris Rea is officially twinned with the village of Wetwang a Yorkshire Wolds village and civil parishin the East Riding of Yorkshire, England, 6 miles (10 kilometres) west of Driffield on the A166 road. This involves the yearly cultural exchange visit to Wetwang on the Eve of ChrisRea Mass, allegedly the basis for that song...

As an aside in the Meaning of Liff by Douglas Adam’s and John Lloyd Wetwang is defined as moist pen@s! Appropriate perhaps.