True Facts About Chris Rea

[grldtnr]

Chris will have his Hymer half parked on the pavement in a flash & and a huge bang,, there's a hole in the Auberge field Generator, Holts Gum gun can't handle the heat,his already fitted, but he can't drive it yet, has to tow it with the indispensable TURDIS.......What Chris would do without it, he'd walk ir hitch hike, on an account of his piles ' he cant ride a bike.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea is saving up to buy the attachment for the TURDIS that would allow him to use it to cut the grass.

 

[grldtnr]

Some say.......Chris Rea is the member of Parliament for Clacton, like Accy and Nigel 'Garbage'Farage he is quite the dapper dresser, Nigel the 'Garbage' Farage, is just a dummy, to make the good folk of Clacton, think they have a serious lightweight politician represent them.

Nothing of the sort really , as neither of them are rarely there.

 

[Drago]

Following a breakdown the TURDIS crashed into the sea.

A few days later it washed up on a beach in Cornwall, where the locals were dismayed to find it contained a Chris Rea and not whisky or BMW motorbikes.

 

[raleighnut]

Bmw have been trying to buy the technology that powers the TURDIS so that their customers can dispense with all this indicating and braking crap and arrive before they set off.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea never appeared on 'Shooting Stars' , with Vic Reeves & Bob Mortimer.
The reason is the duo could never find true facts about Chris Rea in the True or False round of the 'Quiz'.....

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea was heavily involved in the Whiskey Galore ! Incident, whilst it's a true happening about the stranding of the SS Politician,, it's shrouded in mystery as to why Rea was attempting to salvage the whiskey as he is a closet member of the Salvation Army , and teetotal.....
Maybe he was doing it for the benefit of the Islanders of Eriskay, the fictional island's Great & Little Today is obviously a play on words,but being a member of the Temperance movement,its stands to reason that it was at odds with the movement.
Some say it was to rescue other luxury goods that went down with the ship, letting the islanders have a dram or two facilitated that.

Is that true ,or is it false?

 

[DRM]

Nobody here has suspicious minds about Reas' involvement on the Great Cheese heist, but the Time Transit is the perfect vehicle to luggage of a load of cheese...... Just saying.....

It seems that cheese mongers all over North East England from Northumberland down to Yorkshire have been mysteriously re supplied with a selection of cheeses, there may have been some left, as a new brand of ready microwave meals are set to be announced, Rea’s Ready Meals, a true taste of Teesside, are nearly ready to introduce their Parmo & Cheesy Chips, ready in minutes, only 6,800 calories per pack, soon to be available in all good supermarkets

 

[grldtnr]

So ....rumours may be true! Chris Rea is an international cheese wrangler ( thief, that is )
Curiouser and curiouser ,Chris Rea international man of mystery!

 

[Drago]

Clive Cussler, a good friend of Chris Rea, wrote Raise The TURDIS in 1976.

He sold the film rights and Rea was set to star, but the studio moguls decided that US audiences would find Rea's accent incomprehensible. The script was quickly rewritten, conveniently changing just enough that neither Cussler nor Rea received any royalties.

 

[DRM]

It would seem that The Turdis has wreaked havoc in Russia on Tuesday, as due to a glitch in the Geolocation circuitry, and several backfires, instead of materialising at the Teesport time travel megabase, it appeared in the sky over a Russian Vodka distillery , the auberge field explosion destroyed the distillery, and the pressure wave sent the Turdis to another 3 distilleries in quick succession blowing those up as well, on the fifth go it got back home, Putin is said to be shaking with rage, whilst Zelenskyy nearly wet himself laughing, this could be an indication that Chris is reprising his role that drove Hitler to insanity, on to Putin now, The Ukraine Army were pleased to claim the damage, as done by them

 

[stephec]

Chris Rea can eat three shredded wheat.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea can eat three shredded wheat.

In one sitting? Ohoooo, someone's telling porkies.....

 

[craigwend]

Chris Rea is officially twinned with the village of Wetwang a Yorkshire Wolds village and civil parishin the East Riding of Yorkshire, England, 6 miles (10 kilometres) west of Driffield on the A166 road. This involves the yearly cultural exchange visit to Wetwang on the Eve of ChrisRea Mass, allegedly the basis for that song...

 

[grldtnr]

Chris claims he is the fastest man sprinting the 100 yard dash( he doesn't recognise metric system) even if he is wearing custard filled wellies he can outsprint Usain Bolt, which if true is quite the achievement