True Facts About Chris Rea

[Drago]

Chris Rea once used the TURDIS to nip back and visit Robin Hood.

Unfortunately the glowing Auberge Field was highly visible above Sherwood Forest and gave the Sheriff of Nottingham's men an easy target.
Hood was to die painfully with a red hot poker up his bottom, while Rea quickly scarpered before someone noticed it was he that had changed history yet again.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea is an accomplished animal trainer. He specialises in small rodents and has his own mouse circus, with mouse clowns and trapeze artists, mouse rat-tamers and a hamster ringmaster. He is at pains to emphasise that his training methods are relatively ethical, not very painful and only infrequently fatal.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea was slated to play the male lead in Pretty Woman, but the director refused to rewrite the script so the hero drove a time machine instead of a Lotus.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris is pondering if to travel forward to a point in time, when Monkey McMonkeynuts Ole Bananas, will publish he's thesis on Shakespearian prose, ( that's Monkey McMonkeynuts)
But because he (Chris Rea) has already meddled with the timeline , he is fairly happy to let evolution follow it's course and let the Monkey get there under its own wiles, if it's too far into the future then he will warp time yet again and intervene.
Could be an entertaining read of you can understand monkey 🐒

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea is president of the Dixon of Dock Green Appreciation Society.

 

[lazybloke]

At 1:37pm GMT on 8th November 2024, an accidental reversal of auberge polarity will overload the heisenberg compensators in Chris Rea's time machine, resulting in a freak warping of the multiverse that will superimpose every single one of infinite parallel universes into a single overlapping 'nexus'.
For the tinest quantum of time, an infinite number of gravelly-voiced singers will materialise near the Transporter Bridge, resulting in a singularity that will potentially consume all of existence, but it'll probably all work out fine in the end.

The world's press won't event notice, the US election will still be dominating all news.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea is president of the Dixon of Dock Green Appreciation Society.

Before he settled on his bluesy guitar style, Chris Rea sent a demo to John Peel which was more in the style of George Formby - to the tune of Camptown Races: "Who's that chump with a tit on his head? Dixon ... Dixon, who's that chump with a tit on his head? Dixon of Dock Green".

The recording was of poor quality so not all of those words are necessarily accurate.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea passed selection to join the police in 1948, butnwas ultimately refused entry when he declined to shave off his beard. In those days the presence of a bewrd indicated the wearer as a criminal, and a goatee beard a criminal mastermind.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea passed selection to join the police in 1948, butnwas ultimately refused entry when he declined to shave off his beard. In those days the presence of a bewrd indicated the wearer as a criminal, and a goatee beard a criminal mastermind.

But mutton chops ala Jimmy Edwards was acceptable!
Whacko !

 

[Seevio]

Chris Rea claims to hold the land speed record in an Austin Allegro* although this is unauthenticated. All alleged witnesses agree it was a tan colour. The car, not Chris.

*It is not clear whether Chris reckons that he broke the sound barrier in an Allegro or whether he is just the fastest driver of British Leyland's finest.

 

[grldtnr]

Which way tho' ,not going forward, as that was a rare event, backwards , sideways or spinning were more regular occuruances

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea claims to hold the land speed record in an Austin Allegro* although this is unauthenticated. All alleged witnesses agree it was a tan colour. The car, not Chris.

*It is not clear whether Chris reckons that he broke the sound barrier in an Allegro or whether he is just the fastest driver of British Leyland's finest.

The 1750cc model, with a vinyl roof

 

[stephec]

When he was younger Chris Rea sent off for a pair of x-ray glasses that used to be advertised in boys comics, all because of one of his teachers, to say he was disappointed when he found out that they didn't work is a bit of an understatement.

 

[grldtnr]

When he was younger Chris Rea sent off for a pair of x-ray glasses that used to be advertised in boys comics, all because of one of his teachers, to say he was disappointed when he found out that they didn't work is a bit of an understatement.

Think of the fun a young boy could have with a pair of x-ray specs?

 

[Drago]

Due to the electricity shortage of the three day week in the 1970s, BL paid Chris Rea to use the TURDIS to power the factory where the Allegro was made.

Unfortunately, the Auberge Field weaken all the welds used in the construction of the model, seriously compromising quality. It also affected many workers psychologically, causing them to down tools for the most ridiculous ofmreasons and ultimately leading to the demise of the British car industry.