True Facts About Chris Rea

[DRM]

Chris Rea took the Turdis back to Brighton, 1984, where a sudden huge auberge field explosion destroyed the Grand Hotel, the Prime Minister, Mrs Thatcher had a lucky escape, as she had nipped to the loo just before the explosion at 02:54 am, but had just left the bathroom which was badly damaged, leaving her with a blackened face and buttocks, a scorched nightie and melted hair, her beloved husband Dennis managed to sleep through the whole thing, but was confused by going to bed in his room, but waking up in reception, cuddled up to Norman Tebbit, Chris Rea was, rightly, very nearly blamed for this as for a laugh he’d chalked on the wall Chris Rea Woz Ere, but luckily the flame from the Turdis burnt some of the letters of so it read i R a Woz Ere, so the IRA got the blame, and Chris got away with it by the skin of his teeth.

 

[Drago]

Due to the now convoluted and polluted timeline, Chris Rea discovered Australia in 2034. He named the new land after his beloved Austin 1100.

 

[Dogtrousers]

In 1981 Chris Rea got one of those puzzles that is a pair of twisted nails in a Christmas cracker. He still has it, but has never figured out how to do it, despite spending time on it most days. "It reminds me of the inevitability of failure and the futility of existence" he quips.

 

[lazybloke]

In 1981 Chris Rea got one of those puzzles that is a pair of twisted nails in a Christmas cracker. He still has it, but has never figured out how to do it, despite spending time on it most days. "It reminds me of the inevitability of failure and the futility of existence" he quips.

And the stability and projection of the Auberge field is modulated by movements of another cracker staple, the magic fish.
Rea is aware of its limitations, but its better than manually calibrating field strengths using the magic calculator.

 

[lazybloke]

Rumour has it that electronic voting machines are sensitive to auberge fields, and that Chris Rea took a TURDIS flight over the States yesterday

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris Rea and William the Conqueror secretly collaborated on a blues-rock album, recorded in a hidden studio beneath the Tower of London. The album, titled "Conquest of the Highway," was never released due to concerns about its radical sound disturbing the peace of the realm.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea ran as a 3rd candidate in the recent US elections. Sadly the Auberge party saw its chances torpedoed early on when the printer produced flyers, posters, t shirts and mugs for the "Aubergine Party".

In the end he received only four votes, all of them from aubergine admirers who for some strange reason all had silent farts.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea was bitten by a radioactive bluebottle.

He can now perform some quite amazing feats like dodging flyswatters but his diet is disgusting.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea was approached to play The Inredible Hulk in the eponymous seventies TV series. However, he declined because he didn't want the green make up blocking his pores and damaging his silken skin.

The role eventually went to the rather less muscular Lou Ferrigno.

 

[lazybloke]

Decades ago, Biddy Baxter vetoed the selection of Chris Rea as a Blue Peter presenter, because despite his friendly manner and squeaky clean background checks, "no-one trusts a man with a beard"

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea is due to appear in a Christmas episode of Coronation Street as Gail's 34th husband.

He will be murdering her on christmas day, and in typical soap style Rea's character, Daniel McStabber, will not be outed as the killer until 2029 as desperate producers draw the plot out.

This is good news for Rea, for whom sales of his latest album of nursery rhymes set to slide guitar have been very disappointing. So bad in fact that his record company have given his catalogue Straight To Charity Shop status.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea is due to appear in a Christmas episode of Coronation Street as Gail's 34th husband.

He will be murdering her on christmas day, and in typical soap style Rea's character, Daniel McStabber, will not be outed as the killer until 2029 as desperate producers draw the plot out.

This is good news for Rea, for whom sales of his latest album of nursery rhymes set to slide guitar have been very disappointing. So bad in fact that his record company have given his catalogue Straight To Charity Shop status.

Just exactly how many times has Gail been 'murdered' now, I knew her when she was the former Mrs.Tilsey, sure not going to watch her as Mrs. McStabber.
All soaps bore me.
Except 'Brookside' Anna Friel , was fascinating as her character was Lezzie, Margaret Clements, her 'Lover' was rumoured to be played by a transgender Chris Rea ( incessant time travel plays havoc with human genomes), but Chris' Beard stubble ruined the illusion, although he did wear a 'bubble' perm wig rather well.
I was prepubescent then my own hormones all over the shop, like a randy butchers Dog!

 

[Drago]

Claire Sweeney from Brookside is now of corrie too,splaying and Chris Rea/Daniel McStabber love interest.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea is said to be able to do really good Frank Butcher impersonations.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea is said to be able to do really good Frank Butcher impersonations.

Chris Rea is said to be able to do really good Frank Butcher impersonations.

'You Do' nut !'