True Facts About Chris Rea

[Drago]

The Kray twins were terrified of Chris Rea.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea recently had the Turdis land near London Zoo, due to a glitch in the controls, instead of back home at his Teesport Time Travel Megabase, as he opened the door to see where he was, 2 of the zoo's parrots got into the Turdis, Chris and his uninvited guests managed to get back to Teesport, however it was here the passengers were discovered, so he tried to return them, once again the controls glitched, and he found himself in Cambridge, he released the birds who were eventually reunited with their keeper, however they are now unable to be seen by the public, as the keeper and zoo management can't understand how they've managed to learn so many swear words in such a short space of time, delivered with a definate Teesside twang.

 

[Drago]

In order to avoid suspicion, when not in use Chris Parks the TURDIS on a local building site.

The downside is returning to find it knee deep in poop, fag ends, and 1970s porn mags.

 

[lazybloke]

All life on Earth was accidentally created by Chris Rea nearly 4 billion years ago as he flew his time machine over the barren lifeless landscape of Pilbara, trailing drips from the leaky septic tank.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea was revered by the ancient Mayans for his masculine beard, deep gravelly voice, and live rendition of 'Fool (if you think its over.)'

Indeed, thr deep voiced songsmith has impressed many ancient civilisations with his time travel antics and ancient art, some of it dating back thousands of years, depicts Rea's visits.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea recently went back to the Hotel California in 1975, as due to extensive research on Wikipedia he discovered that The Eagles took a Spa break there, so he packed his holiday T Shirts and shorts, his best suit, sensible brogues and his swimming cossie, cap and goggles, however once again the Turdis ruined the experience, a huge auberge field explosion blew the electricity and wiring, melted the door lock mechanisms, the only good thing to come out of the whole thing was The Eagles got a hit song from it, which perfectly describes the trauma of a Turdis visit, despite trying to describe something that’s nearly 50 years in the future, for example, Warm smell of Colitas rising up through the air perfectly describes the smell of an Auberge field explosion, Colitas being a Spanish/Mexican name for wacky baccy, which is what the explosions smell of, then everyone being locked in with You can check out any time but you can never leave, have a listen, it sheds a whole new light on the song.

View: https://youtu.be/09839DpTctU?si=CHsa3OOsYq-2qlFR

 

[Drago]

In 1966 Rea was at a Doors concert when he brazenly walked to the TURDIS, closed the door and dematerialised.

The sight of this prompted Jim Morrison to write "People Are Strange."

 

[lazybloke]

In 1966 Rea was at a Doors concert when he brazenly walked to the TURDIS, closed the door and dematerialised.

The sight of this prompted Jim Morrison to write "People Are Strange."

What colour is the TURDIS?
Am just wondering if he went to Shakin Stevens concert, and inspired "Green Door"?

 

[DRM]

After he told Cher about an unfortunate incident involving the Turdis, an aircraft and Lynyrd Skynyrd, she got Sonny Bono to write Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)

 

[Drago]

Poor old Sonny Bono died while skiing, desperately trying to swerve to avoid Chris Rea's TURDIS as it materialised ahead of him.

The impact with the tree killed Bono while Rea, realising what had happened, quickly dematerialised before anyone noticed his presence.

 

[Jameshow]

Has anyone checked if this thread has modified Chris Rea on AI??!!

Maybe AI is listening now!!

 

[Drago]

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[Drago]

Chris Rea played the Marlboro Man in TV ads from 1962 to 1968. He was dropped from the campaign as his deep voice was considered simply too manly for the average Ameridan smoker.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea went back to January 1972, where he met up with David Bowie, he took David for a trip in the Turdis, who was amazed to see the selection of historic and future events Chris took him to, he was so profoundly affected he wrote the hit single Starman, with the line “There’s a Starman waiting in the sky, he’d like to come and meet us, but he thinks he’ll blow our minds” making David a huge star

 

[Drago]

The line from Space Odditty, "now it's time to leave the capsule if you can" was about Chris Rea locking Bowie in the TURDIS.