True Facts About Chris Rea

[Grant Fondo]

Chris always makes a point of dancing with people he doesn't know, for fear of breaching the Trade Descriptions Act 1968.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea is so fond of his new house he has had himself incorporated as a structural member.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Oh dear

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea is chairman of the combined Evel Knieval and Liberace fan club.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea went back to the Tokyo-Yokohama district in 1923, as he was hovering over the area, having a good look at what was in there, a sudden, violent and largest ever auberge field backfire, estimated to be in the region of 3,000 Hiroshima bombs , caused an earthquake of 7.9 magnitude, this led to massive fires, and that most houses were shaken to bits, or burnt down, and the shock created a a tsunami that reached 12 meters at the city of Atami on the Sagami Gulf, the earthquake and it’s aftermath destroyed the largest commercial Centre of Japan and traumatised the nation for decades, Chris deliberately mispronounced the word Tsunami in regard to the incident, so that it sounds like Toon Army, in a vain attempt to put the blame squarely on Newcastle United fans.

 

[grldtnr]

Rea being an ardent , 'Smoggie' fan , is always going to do that, no lost love there.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea parks the TURDIS on the footway outside his house, much to rhe annoyance of his neighbours.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea parks the TURDIS on the footway outside his house, much to rhe annoyance of his neighbours.

He’s also very annoyed about someone sticking an old envelope on the Turdis door with a hand written note saying something about disabled people needing more than 1 foot of path, on his last foray over the Pennines

 

[grldtnr]

Hope Chris remembers to put the clocks back at the end of British Summer time, or all hell will be let loose on the planet, .......heck the trains to Middlesbrough might even be on time, and British rail sandwiches may even be in date!

 

[Drago]

He’s also very annoyed about someone sticking an old envelope on the Turdis door with a hand written note saying something about disabled people needing more than 1 foot of path, on his last foray over the Pennines

Apparently the complainant was a well dressed chap, mumbling under his breath about a "rum fellow" and "this never happened when we had an empire."

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea was once invited to a soiree at @Accy cyclist 's apartment. Having dutifully parked rhe TURDIS neatly and displayed both parts of the blue badge, Rea sauntered stylishly up to the door...only for Accy's man, Odd Job, to refuse Rea entry because his cravat was considered too informal.

Rea found a sleeping hobo nearby and stole the tie the hobo had been using as a belt and was granted admission to Accy towers. Fortunately Odd Job had not noticed Rea was wearing Oxfords else he'd have been taken round the back and beaten up in the stable yard.

Accy secretly likes it when Rea comes to his get togethers, as Rea can use the TURDIS to give Cecil Rhodes a lift back to 1884.

 

[grldtnr]

Now this is going to get complicated, Chris Rea's use of the time travelling TURDIS, allows him to travel back in time before Accy places his orders for all his Clothing,
Seeing Chris is quite partial to Cordings suits, he likes to wear them for the day ,but he never buys them ,once he has done with them ,he time teleports back to the moment before the order has been dispatched to Lord Accy of Satorial elegance , getting to wear fresh out of the box clobber.
Now, Accy has no idea of this, as for some reason or other, Chris always manages to manipulate time to that exact moment he puts his order, that's due to the fact Accy always publishes what he intends to buy on his 'how to dress ' thread, our anti - hero nips in , gets first dibs, then sends it back mail order return.
Rea will eventually cock up, Accy will twig when he is sees Chris putting the bins out as a modelling shot in the catalogue, Accy all ready has doubts ,coz some oik was wearing Denim jeans with brogues and a Cordings blazer.
One of the perks of time travel ,I guess .Doing this Chris doesn't need to pay a sossidge , Accy picks up the tab unwittingly.

But it's only a matter of time........ Chris will cock up when he forgets to put clocks back or forward ,... We all do.

 

[raleighnut]

Now this is going to get complicated, Chris Rea's use of the time travelling TURDIS, allows him to travel back in time before Accy places his orders for all his Clothing,
Seeing Chris is quite partial to Cordings suits, he likes to wear them for the day ,but he never buys them ,once he has done with them ,he time teleports back to the moment before the order has been dispatched to Lord Accy of Satorial elegance , getting to wear fresh out of the box clobber.
Now, Accy has no idea of this, as for some reason or other, Chris always manages to manipulate time to that exact moment he puts his order, that's due to the fact Accy always publishes what he intends to buy on his 'how to dress ' thread, our anti - hero nips in , gets first dibs, then sends it back mail order return.
Rea will eventually cock up, Accy will twig when he is sees Chris putting the bins out as a modelling shot in the catalogue, Accy all ready has doubts ,coz some oik was wearing Denim jeans with brogues and a Cordings blazer.
One of the perks of time travel ,I guess .Doing this Chris doesn't need to pay a sossidge , Accy picks up the tab unwittingly.

But it's only a matter of time........ Chris will cock up when he forgets to put clocks back or forward ,... We all do.

Mind you Chris fecked up one time when Accy found a stray plectrum in the waistcoat pocket

 

[grldtnr]

That was Dragos', or is he a bass slapper rather than plucker?
Drags, I wrote Plucker!!! Go to Specsavers .

 

[raleighnut]

That was Dragos', or is he a bass slapper rather than plucker?
Drags, I wrote Plucker!!! Go to Specsavers .

Nah he's not a 'bass plucker' but a bass pluckers son and he'll keep plucking bass til the bass pluckings done