Tour De France - notre Equipe

[tdr1nka]

As one of the team Psycologists may I suggest sending the Brazillian
masseur along to me so as to ascertain why she is odd?

 

[Cathryn]

I'm slightly shell-shocked at Cathryn offering me her Mum

I said you should MEET her, not do anything else!!!! I'm not pimping my mother - rather holding her up for admiration!!!

 

[Aperitif]

Cathryn - it is only fair to inform you that there has been a bit of team evolution and that your Mother is not available to all and sundry on demand - there is a queueing system in operation...

 

[Mortiroloboy]

I wrote this in notepad some time ago...it seeems appropriate to launch the team into the 'netosphere' - for perusal.
Is there anything we should know about the composition of the team - come on, spill the beans if you have to

The team:
Cyclechatta & Nottanutha Glasobeer Todrink

We will win with:

Team of Racers
Keith!!!!!!
Dave 5N
Mondo the Bongo
Walker
Yenrod
AintSkeered
Spandex
girofan
Tetedelacourse
fossyant

Directeur Sportif
Noodley

Directeur des Autres Affaires
Rich p

Assistant au 'Directeur des Autres Affaires'
Cathryn's Mum

Very Personal Assistant to DS Noodley(with a bit of French from time to time)
Cathryn

Assistant to DS
Abitrary

Chief Meccano
Mickle

Sous Meccano
fossyant (multiskiller)

Assistant Mechanics
Steve Austin & Smokin Joe

Junior Mechanics
Joe24 & Miloat

Equipment
Rog the Dodge

PR and Interpersonal Relationships
Fab Foodie & Arch

Entertainments
Nordic:
Dayvo
Germanic:
bigtallfatbloke

Nutritionists
Lord of the Teapot & Cathryn's Mum

Massage Team
Speicher & Wafflycat - both with the odd Brazilian

Team Doctor
The Doctor

Legal
Patrick Stevens & Co

Media Relations
SimonCC & Zimzum

Press Office & Photography
Rigid Raider & Mr Paul
Crackle & Melvil

Kit
Will1985 & Postman

Web Presence
Shaun

Race Radio, GPS and Tom Tom etc
Ben Lovejoy and Red Tom Tom

Team Psychologists
bonj & tdr1nka

Motivational Coach
Dom Tyler

Logistics
RT and Gezza

Head of Security
Mortiroloboy
Security Staff
longers & dog + shakie1973 & dog

Team Mascot
Cathryn's Mum

Wey hey

 

[Joe24]

Junior Mechanic,
Can i work my way up to be one of the cyclists then when i am as old as them lol:

 

[Dayvo]

Junior Mechanic,
Can i work my way up to be one of the cyclists then when i am as old as them lol:

When you're as old as them, you'll be way too old!

 

[Aperitif]

Yes - in charge of corporeal punishment - bit like Speicher and WafflyC - but with go faster stripes
Don't forget your SPG group MB - the 'Shimano Protection Guard'

 

[Aperitif]

Junior Mechanic,
Can i work my way up to be one of the cyclists then when i am as old as them lol:

Keep posting Joe24 - elevation to the ranks of domestique is on the cards for hardworking juniors

 

[Landslide]

Who's going to form the caravane? Preceding the main attraction, attention-seeking, regularly chucking out a load of rubbish?

 

[Aperitif]

Who's going to form the caravane? Preceding the main attraction, attention-seeking, regularly chucking out a load of rubbish?

'It' has been done Landslide - rock on! Congratulations.

 

[Tetedelacourse]

Well day 3 beckons and already the team bus is beginning to smell a bit.

Keith's demands are becoming outrageous. Yesterday he made us cover the inside of the bus in yellow post-its with "!" on them, as he'd felt a bit under the weather.

Yenrod keeps walking around with his giblets out, despite repeated and increasingly heated protests from Mondobongo.

Spandex is already focussing on the first rest day and keeps mooting the idea that we all go out and get as much booze and drugs into us as possible, because "it'll be a larf".

Dave5N seems to be constantly whispering some sort of mantra to himself about Cathryn's mum, but if you ask him what he's saying he flies off the handle.

Walker is hogging the massage service. His tactics are to allow them to get almost to the end of the session before saying that Abitrary's un-nerving pranks have made him tense again. I think he is attempting to become romantically (or libidinously) involved with either one or both of Speicher and Waffly.

Girofan keeps banging on about the Italian grand tour. If I hear his anecdote about the maglia rosa one more time, or how he got over the Madonna di Campiglio despite 3 flats and having to carry Keith's cheeseburger for him, he'll be getting no water from me tomorrow.

The bus is more cramped this year. Our DS demanded a Jimmy Saville chair for himself and one for Keith too, and the rest of us are cramped into the last half. He also keeps phoning up the legal team to discuss some sort of video shoot. I've heard one of the juniors' names mentioned more than once in those conversations, Joe something or other. Methinks the DS has his fingers in many pies.

After tomorrow's stage, we're having a session with the Team Psychologists. Yenners has asked if it's ok to attend in his birthday suit. I've heard a few strange things about the psychologists but I reckon it's just heresay. No-one can be that ill-informed. After that we have a motivational session with that boy who follows the bus in his Porsche. Should be a laugh.

I personally struggled today on the road. It might be to do with Mickle adding a few kilos to my bike "for good measure". Fossy is now scrubbing each chain link. Noodley shook my hand at the end of the stage for getting my name on the telly. I was simultaneously warmed and saddened by this. Thought it best not to tell him it wasn't me.

It's going to be a long 3 weeks.

 

[Aperitif]

Chapeau for tete!

 

[Noodley]

OK Team, I've allowed you time to settle down and get to know each other a bit and now I'm expecting you to deliver some results. So from tomorrow on it's no more Mr Nice Guy and I'll be on top of you to keep our sponsors happy - a bit more riding at the front Yenners from you m'boy, looks like you're slacking a bit to me. So after tomorrows TT I'll be expecting big things. Apart from you Walker, I'm wanting you to put in a big effort in the TT - I know you can do it. So dig in, keep the legs spinning and let's see what you've got.

 

[tdr1nka]

Yenrod, from what Noodly has told me I'm worried that your assertiveness has dropped, do you have a catastrophic fear of success?

 

[rich p]

Blimey Ape, many thanks for my demotion(?) to Directeur d'Autre Affaires with Cathryn's mum as my assistante. I take it this was due to my track record on the Brazilian tour.

I'll be overseeing flapjack production from now on