Things you'd like to say, but can't

[coffeejo]

No, I'm not agreeing with you but rather agreeing to disagree.

 

[Rickshaw Phil]

It would have been quite helpful if you'd mentioned you are rebranding one of your models for next year before we had £6,000 worth of brochures printed.

Are you going to pay for them to be redone?

 

[screenman]

I do not want to know how your dent happened, I just want to know if you want me to fix it, the less time spent waffleing the faster I can get on with it and the cheaper your invoice will be.

 

[NorthernDave]

I realise that to you, the proud parents, little Jemima* is the most important thing in the world. A miracle of nature and a daily source of pride to you both.

However to everyone else, she's just another persons child who, to be blunt, seems more than a touch indulged by parents who might want to consider setting some boundaries for her?

* names have been changed.

 

[Maverick Goose]

Sorry, I don't have a big red 'S' under my apron!

 

[swee'pea99]

So you live in Sussex, you own (Huge Mortgage) a big house but you moan about the noise from the aircraft landing at Gatwick, 5 miles away. Sod your protest group, I bet you love your foreign holidays and clog the motorway in your Beemer heading for your job in the city.

"Pollution is bad, except for the polution I generate" Either move to the edge of the country, work locally, sustainably and then protest, or accept this noisy punch in the face.

I always love it when they do vox pops with the poor beleaguered homeowners wimping about the noise from the nearby airport. I always want the interviewer to ask them whether they failed to notice it when they were deciding where to move to...

 

[Stig-OT-Dump]

The lorry drivers who park up in the road outside my work don't poo in the street and leave jobbies in the street.
And do they wipe? There's never any paper.

 

[raleighnut]

The lorry drivers who park up in the road outside my work don't poo in the street and leave jobbies in the street.
And do they wipe? There's never any paper.

Maybe the cabs are fitted with a 'Jobbie Weecha'

 

[fimm]

Dear Mr taxi driver
See that? That is what we call a red light. We have been travelling towards it for at least 100m along a nice straight road. When we arrived here, we both had to stop. We both knew this would happen.

So why were you attempting to overtake me, you stupid aggressive idiot? I must have delayed your arrival at the red light by, ooh, 10 or 15 seconds.

And breathe...

 

[ColinJ]

I realise that to you, the proud parents, little Jemima* is the most important thing in the world. A miracle of nature and a daily source of pride to you both.

However to everyone else, she's just another persons child who, to be blunt, seems more than a touch indulged by parents who might want to consider setting some boundaries for her?

I had the same problem with the parents of a boy who had just kicked me hard in the shin at a party. Apparently, because of his 'behavioural problems', he couldn't help kicking strangers. 'Parenting problems', more like!

I caught him lining up for seconds when his keepers parents were looking the other way ... I grabbed hold of him and told him if he kicked me again, I would kick him back so hard that he would end up in the next room. Strangely enough, he managed to avoid doing it to me again, despite those 'uncontrollable' behavioural problems! I spotted him kicking several other adults during the remainder of the party. He couldn't help it, you see!

 

[perplexed]

Shea butter flavoured bog roll...

Jesus wept.

 

[wheresthetorch]

Yes, yes, we know that you're very proud of your surgically-enhanced embonpoint, but now it's getting chilly had you considered more/warmer clothes?

You'll have someone's eye out, and the poor apprentice is in danger of suffering blood loss caused by permanent blushing from 9am to 5pm. Bless his heart

I had to like this, simply for the use of the word embonpoint. Class!!

 

[rvw]

And, on the subject of embonpoint...

Dear Marks & Spencer, I realise that for some ladies, a bra marked "minimise - appear a cup size smaller" may appeal. However, I would venture to say that those of us in the A-C cup range would be less interested in this, and I'd be really, really surprised if you actually manage to sell any in size 34A.

 

[coffeejo]

And, on the subject of embonpoint...

Dear Marks & Spencer, I realise that for some ladies, a bra marked "minimise - appear a cup size smaller" may appeal. However, I would venture to say that those of us in the A-C cup range would be less interested in this, and I'd be really, really surprised if you actually manage to sell any in size 34A.

Also: is it really that difficult to design a bra that fits, supports and is comfortable?

 

[fimm]

And, on the subject of embonpoint...

Dear Marks & Spencer, I realise that for some ladies, a bra marked "minimise - appear a cup size smaller" may appeal. However, I would venture to say that those of us in the A-C cup range would be less interested in this, and I'd be really, really surprised if you actually manage to sell any in size 34A.

As a 34A myself, a "like" isn't enough for this. I have to add