The Retirement Thread

[ColinJ]

During the IOW Marathon, a tough, hilly and scenic route starting and finishing on the Prom in Ryde.
I was quite a few miles into the race when I realised that I needed the loo. I was between villages and realised that I couldn't make it to the next one where there might be a pub who's toilet I could use. Just in time a narrow lane appeared on my left I dashed up there and pushed my way through a hedge into an uncultivated field. I quickly squatted down resting my back against the hedge as a wave of relief swept over me. Looking up I noticed I could see the tops of the occasional car as they crossed a narrow hump bridge. " Good job they can't see me" I thought. A few moments later a Wallace Arnold coach full of pensioners crested the bridge. The extra height and picture windows giving them the perfect view.

I would never, ever make a mistake like that...

Mind you, I had something similar happen to me on the Manchester 100 once! I got a lift to Wythenshawe Park and was getting a bit desperate by the time we arrived. That second cup of strong coffee first thing might not have been a great idea!

So I headed for the toilet block only to find it chained up. (In later years, I noticed that there toilets in one of the other buildings.) In desperation, I jumped on my bike, rode off and found a bush at the far end of the park. I was about to avail myself of its cover when a dog ran up to me followed by its owner!

Back on the bike. I sprinted off to another bush, Our popped another dog and another dog owner!

Things were getting critical. A mad dash took me to a huge bush at the far side of the park. I dived in and, er, 'All became a burning mist' as they used to say at the end of Mills & Boon romances!

Ah, blessed relief! Then a sound began to percolate into my consciousness. It sounded like traffic and people talking. I swivelled round to find my a*se hanging out the back of the bush next to the park railings by a bus stop!

... again!

 

[gavroche]

I did an hour on the bike, and as I arrived home at half 2 it was threatening it, but it's only just started in earnest.

And which bike were you using may I ask?

 

[Drago]

And which bike were you using may I ask?

The ebike!

 

[welsh dragon]

Luckily I have never suffered from embarrassing moments like that. Thank god.

 

[classic33]

Right!

Embarrassing toilet anecdotes.
During the IOW Marathon, a tough, hilly and scenic route starting and finishing on the Prom in Ryde.
I was quite a few miles into the race when I realised that I needed the loo. I was between villages and realised that I couldn't make it to the next one where there might be a pub who's toilet I could use. Just in time a narrow lane appeared on my left I dashed up there and pushed my way through a hedge into an uncultivated field. I quickly squatted down resting my back against the hedge as a wave of relief swept over me. Looking up I noticed I could see the tops of the occasional car as they crossed a narrow hump bridge. " Good job they can't see me" I thought. A few moments later a Wallace Arnold coach full of pensioners crested the bridge. The extra height and picture windows giving them the perfect view.

It were you they were talking about!

 

[classic33]

The ebike!

View attachment 543925

Was there at least a possibly of a BM, to make the stop worthwhile.

 

[Tenkaykev]

Luckily I have never suffered from embarrassing moments like that. Thank god.

Mrs Tenkay has probably the funniest / scariest tale to tell.
We were taking part in the South Downs Way run which was always held on the weekend closest to the longest day. This particular year was gloriously sunny with stunning scenery and every checkpoint seemed to be trying to outdo each other with the quality of home made cake, tea, coffee, sandwiches etc on offer. Later in the day we were crossing a field and Mrs Tenkay mentioned that she needed to stop for a wee. I noticed a dilapidated barn in the next field and she headed off to seek relief. A couple of minutes later an ashen faced Mrs Tenkay reappeared.
"That was quick" I said, "are you OK?"
She'd gone behind the barn and squatted down with her back against the metal sheeting. Just before she started to wee she glanced down and noticed that her nether regions were hovering a few inches above a nest of snakes who'd been basking in the sun. 😯

 

[oldwheels]

My only claim to infamy is my ability to conjure up motor vehicles and cyclists. When I cycle on any quiet road and have not seen a vehicle for a long time I reckon it is probably safe to stop for a pee. This is the signal for convoys to appear from both directions as well as a few hikers coming in sight. On forest trails or cycle tracks cyclist hove in sight immediately.

 

[Dave7]

My last bog story (possibly).
Set off from Strasbourg early morning to catch the ferry back home. I really needed a No2 (or a Mo as I will now call it).
Stopped at a small service station and dashed to the bog.
There was one cubicle free. A 12" gap at the bottom of the door and a woman attendant sat next to it.
I could not relax. All I did was fart.
Eventually I gave up and walked out....or tried to.....except the woman demanded 50 cents .....50 cents FOR ONE FART.
Not sure how but I made it to the ferry.

 

[Mo1959]

Crikey. The rain is bouncing down. It’ll be dark really early tonight.

 

[welsh dragon]

I am so glad that I don't have any stories to tell.

 

[Mo1959]

I am so glad that I don't have any stories to tell.

......or that you’re willing to share?

 

[Deleted member 1258]

I remember a club ride from many years ago, busting for a pee I shouted pit stop and dropped off the back to water a gate post, when I got back on my bike and was sprinting after the pack it seemed that every gate way and gap in the hedge had a cyclist or two in it, I got to the junction at the end of the lane and there was only two waiting, almost the entire pack had stopped.

 

[oldwheels]

My last bog story (possibly).
Set off from Strasbourg early morning to catch the ferry back home. I really needed a No2 (or a Mo as I will now call it).
Stopped at a small service station and dashed to the bog.
There was one cubicle free. A 12" gap at the bottom of the door and a woman attendant sat next to it.
I could not relax. All I did was fart.
Eventually I gave up and walked out....or tried to.....except the woman demanded 50 cents .....50 cents FOR ONE FART.
Not sure how but I made it to the ferry.

On the back of a door in Glasgow Queen St station. "Here I sit broken hearted, paid a penny and only farted". Obviously a few years ago.

 

[Deleted member 1258]

On the back of a door in Glasgow Queen St station. "Here I sit broken hearted, paid a penny and only farted". Obviously a few years ago.

Inflation