Odd factoids

[Drago]

Vegans eat large quantities of factory farmed vegetables. These veggies are raised in horrific, cramped conditions, and are cruelly killed without stunning. The kosher and halal vegetables have it the worst, as they have their roots choppedmoff and are left to die a slow, lingering death thats even more painful than listening to an Alexander Armstrong album.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

Vegans were trapped in the high Andes after a plane crash. With no food available they ate some of the dead arguing that those unfortunates had only ever eaten vegetables.

 

[roubaixtuesday]

The Andes were originally known as the Limbes. But a drunken mapmaker misheard and left them legless.

 

[Threevok]

The Incas did not die out, but changed their name to The Toners

 

[roubaixtuesday]

The Aztecs were actually the Aztechs - now thought of as an ancient civilisation, but in reality an early helpdesk for IT issues, solving problems like the wrong sort of stone for tablets, sharpening chisels for users, and reminding people to turn the quarry on and off before any further fault finding.

 

[Tribansman]

The Mayans were originally called the Maybeans. Their famous dithering eventually led to the downfall of their civilization when they were unable to decide how to respond to increasingly ferocious attacks from the Definiteans

 

[roubaixtuesday]

The Stone age was characterised by massive use of psychoactive substances, particularly mushrooms.

It was originally called the Stoned age.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Before the Stone Age we had the Pebble Age. Pebble dashed caves marked the height of this period.

 

[PeteXXX]

Pebbles Flintstone was not, as thought, the progeny of Fred and Wilma, but the result of her illicit affair with Barney Rubble.

 

[Tribansman]

Barney Rubble was the original title of the film Demolition Man but had to be abandoned by Warner Bros after the Flintstones' modern day descendants, Fred and Wilma Bluechip, issued an injunction. Barney Rubble's descendents died out when old Barney Shards-Detritus ended his life childless after severing an artery at his glassworks (which occasioned more than a little shardenfreudue among his business rivals at the time).

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Blarney Rubble was the great grandson of Barney. He setup the Irish branch of the family after flying across the Atlantic in 4021BC. He built a castle which is now a tourist attraction near Cork.

 

[roubaixtuesday]

Blarney's son Formby emigrated to Lancashire, where the River Rubble was named after him.

His legendary lovemaking abilities were famously commemorated by renaming his adopted hometown as Clit Hero.

 

[PeteXXX]

He became known locally as the Clitheroe Kid.
His exploits were aired in a radio program on Sunday afternoons.

 

[Tribansman]

The Clitheroe Kid was also the name of a famous singing goat, who took silver at the speed-yodelling championships, with an average speed of 246 bleats per minute. His owner put his unrivalled vocal dexterity down to a diet of hay soaked in tripe and melted down Uncle Joe's Mint Balls

 

[roubaixtuesday]

Uncle Joe's Mint Balls replaced his earlier defective ones. They didn't stay mint for long, however, soon resembling roast potatoes due to overuse with his 7th wife, Auntie Bessie.