Give me some dialogue from your day

[PocketFrog]

"When you come back off your holiday next week, we'll arrange a meeting with HR"

Ah, so you're telling me getting rid of me on the day before my holiday then?

Thx for letting me go without any worries!

"That's farking shady!" - Me, upon reading the above. Out loud. At work.

 

[gbb]

Arriving home from the hospital, after investigation into my chest, I said to the wife...(with a huge dollop of light heated sarcasm)
'So, ive had pneumonia, got pleurisy, had a chest drain...gonna make me a cuppa ?'
'No....' she sniggered. (If you've read my previous posts re this subject, she never makes me tea )
'So all that and it still won't get me a cuppa ?'
'No...'
Moving on quickly, I said...
'Anyway, did you see that woman doctors jaw hit the floor when I took my shirt off ' I said with another huge dollop of mirth...
'she must have thought ...wahayyy'

'No.... she thought she'd just seen Mr Puniverse ' retorted the wife, quick as a flash.

Uncalled for I thought, very uncalled for

 

[Night Train]

Cycling home from collecting theatre tickets tonight I was in the bus lane, in primary, as a car was stationary in lane two indicating to turn right.
A yellow Highways maintenance Transit pick up was coming up behind and undertakes the car just as I am also passing the car. The Transit mirror nearly clips my shoulder.

Me: Oi!

At the next lights I stop next to the Transit and beckon the driver, who opens his nearside window.

Me: Hi mate.
Driver: Yeah!
Me: You know back there when you pulled in to pass that car that was turning right?
Driver: What back there?
Me: Yeah. Well you nearly knocked me down with your mirror as you came past.
Driver: Oh, did I?
Me: Yeah, nearly. If you had held back a second or so I would have got past the car and been safe and then you could get past.
Driver: Oh right. Sorry mate.

We head off.

 

[gavgav]

My colleague was getting his chops around a pear today and my assistant pipes up, Lee that's a saggy looking pear/pair (delete as appropriate) you've got there.....................cue much gaffawing

 

[fimm]

So my boyfriend was running an ultramarathon on Saturday, and I went cycling while he was running. When I got back, I got talking to one of the marshalls, George, who is also an ultrarunner.

George: So where have you been?
Me: oh, over Cairn O'Mount and back via Braemar and Glenshee. About 100 miles I think.
G: !!! Cairn O'Mount! That's quite a climb.
Me: Yup.
G: (To others nearby) she's just been over Cairn O'Mount...There's guys in my club who'll cycle 50 miles and not think about it... I couldn't do it...
Me: Yes, but you're one of these nutters who thinks 54 miles is a sensible distance to run...

 

[edwardd67]

F**kING B*****D F**KING B*****D AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Me today fitting 2 new tyres on my bike.

 

[SamC]

My Colleague: "Oh look. You've got chewing gum on your hand!" *sticks his (chewed) piece of chewing gum to the back of my hand*.
Me: ...

 

[Moon bunny]

Sitting on the wooden pier with Hover fly, eating our sandwiches, the steamer Tern passes:
HF, "The most beautiful thing in England, I wonder how many times she has been past here over the last 120 years?"
Me, speechless, but I had to wipe a tear from the corner of my eye.

 

[Spinney]

Sitting on the wooden pier with Hover fly, eating our sandwiches, the steamer Tern passes:
HF, "The most beautiful thing in England, I wonder how many times she has been past here over the last 120 years?"
Me, speechless, but I had to wipe a tear from the corner of my eye.

Windermere?

 

[Moon bunny]

Yes

 

[gbb]

So we're stood in the workshop, I am blasting a conveyor belt with compressed air to blow off all the water that's on it, the water is collecting in an ever growing puddle on the floor. My colleague is stood right next to my bag, looking intently at the puddle slowly engulfing my bag and the overspray that is slowly soaking the top of my bag.
Now, I could have stopped, picked up my bag...but I somehow kinda hoped David would just pick it up and leave me to get on with cleaning the conveyor (while he's stood doing nothing).
After a few minutes, I said...
'David, do me a favour, move my bag will you, it's getting all wet'
'Oh sorry, I didn't realise'
Now I thought, you've been stood inches away from it, looking at it for the last few minutes I'm several feet away and busy, you're doing nothing . Time for a little bollicking .

'David, I've got to say, you've stood there, watching my bag get wetter and wetter...and did nothing. You have a strange habit of standing there and either doing nothing...or doing the wrong thing when you do something. Earlier today, we were fitting the lid to that machine and you just let your side go, nearly trapping my fingers . Before that, we were working on another machine and you just swung the jaws open without checking to see where my hands were. Yesterday I was struggling taking unsealed punnets out of the machine, they were piling up...and you just stood there David. I had to ask you to help me clear them....you don't seem to do anything unless I ask you...you just don't seem to be switched on. We are a team David, a good team member will understand what is required, when and most of all, won't endanger his colleague. You just do things without any thought for the consequences or what impact it might have on someone else, you don't do anything on machinery that may be dangerous without making sure your buddy is out of the way,....TBF, it takes time to learn, but you need to start thinking David. That's all...I've said enough, lets get on eh '

'Sorry ' came the forlorn reply.

He's a nice fella, a little irritating sometimes, but then perhaps I am as well. But he will quite happily stand there and let me do the work....
I said to him yesterday...'Fcuk me David, i'm nearly 55, got pleurisy...and its me hauling this 30 kg pump 15 feet out of the sump ...You're 19 and you're just stood there watching '
That seems to wake him up for a while

He's good sometimes... I do let him know.

 

[Scoosh]

So we're stood in the workshop, ...You're 19 and you're just stood there watching ' ....

Maybe your expectations are a little high at the moment.

He's only just worked out how to get himself to work near-enough-on-time-not-to-get-a-rollicking.

Were you so much better when you were 19 ??

I know you were but it's sort of a plea for patience and a bit more guidance for him; when you wish he would do something - ask/tell him to do it, then the will (hopefully) - start to anticipate in ... oh, I don't know - a few years' time !

 

[gbb]

Maybe your expectations are a little high at the moment.

He's only just worked out how to get himself to work near-enough-on-time-not-to-get-a-rollicking.

Were you so much better when you were 19 ??

I know you were but it's sort of a plea for patience and a bit more guidance for him; when you wish he would do something - ask/tell him to do it, then the will (hopefully) - start to anticipate in ... oh, I don't know - a few years' time !

I do try to be patient, but there are 19 year olds...and 19 year olds. As a member of the engineering team, he needs to learn fast...for MY safety and welfare as well as his own.
We're often working on machinery where we have over-ridden the safety guards (a perfectly safe procedure when everyone is working with an awareness of where and what your colleague is doing). Its deadly serious...we're not mucking about, we're occasionally working on electrics, fast moving machinery or jaws that will trap you limbs. Your colleagues safety HAS to be paramount...and TBH, I don't think he's got it in him. I'll persevere because its a fantastic opportunity for him and I do like him basically. Its obviously just going to take him longer than some to 'mature'.
If he's got a sensitive nature...tough, that won't help me when he's injured me or himself by not thinking...something he has an abundance of at times.

I've worked with plenty of 17 year old apprentices...he doesn't rate very highly compared to them....but its not my choice, he's been given the opportunity, he's got to take it...i'll happily do my best to teach him all I know...and happily bollick him when he gets it wrong.
Otherwise...when will he learn ?

Your sentiments are fair though, I do try to remember he's learning

 

[Hover Fly]

Yes...

YAY!!

(Next lesson, how to not end every sentence with "...so it is/so I am etc)

 

[Arch]

So we're stood in the workshop, I am blasting a conveyor belt with compressed air to blow off all the water that's on it, the water is collecting in an ever growing puddle on the floor. My colleague is stood right next to my bag, looking intently at the puddle slowly engulfing my bag and the overspray that is slowly soaking the top of my bag.
Now, I could have stopped, picked up my bag...but I somehow kinda hoped David would just pick it up and leave me to get on with cleaning the conveyor (while he's stood doing nothing).
After a few minutes, I said...
'David, do me a favour, move my bag will you, it's getting all wet'
'Oh sorry, I didn't realise'
Now I thought, you've been stood inches away from it, looking at it for the last few minutes I'm several feet away and busy, you're doing nothing . Time for a little bollicking .

'David, I've got to say, you've stood there, watching my bag get wetter and wetter...and did nothing. You have a strange habit of standing there and either doing nothing...or doing the wrong thing when you do something. Earlier today, we were fitting the lid to that machine and you just let your side go, nearly trapping my fingers . Before that, we were working on another machine and you just swung the jaws open without checking to see where my hands were. Yesterday I was struggling taking unsealed punnets out of the machine, they were piling up...and you just stood there David. I had to ask you to help me clear them....you don't seem to do anything unless I ask you...you just don't seem to be switched on. We are a team David, a good team member will understand what is required, when and most of all, won't endanger his colleague. You just do things without any thought for the consequences or what impact it might have on someone else, you don't do anything on machinery that may be dangerous without making sure your buddy is out of the way,....TBF, it takes time to learn, but you need to start thinking David. That's all...I've said enough, lets get on eh '

'Sorry ' came the forlorn reply.

He's a nice fella, a little irritating sometimes, but then perhaps I am as well. But he will quite happily stand there and let me do the work....
I said to him yesterday...'Fcuk me David, i'm nearly 55, got pleurisy...and its me hauling this 30 kg pump 15 feet out of the sump ...You're 19 and you're just stood there watching '
That seems to wake him up for a while

He's good sometimes... I do let him know.

It's funny isn't it. Yesterday I drove our electric truck back up to the centre to recharge her over lunchtime. One of the volunteers, a long term guy, been with us for years, watched me drive it in, watched me park it in front of the lock up, watched me get out, watched me unlock the lock up and get the ramp out, and THEN he wandered over and said "Can I get the lawnmower out before you put that away?" (once she's in there, the mower isn't accessible.)

Now, he knew he needed the mower, and he knew he needed to get it out before I put the truck away, so why didn't he come over, open the lock up, and get the mower out when he saw me driving in through the gate?