Give me some dialogue from your day

[simon the viking]

as above - plenty of yachts but no one to crew for me

Forget the boat idea and do a LEJOG instead!

 

[BigonaBianchi]

I find myself available for crew duties, i'll do it for free as long as the destination is warm, have experience of both greek and caribean flotilla trips as crew, totally crap at it but very cheap

 

[Lee_M]

I find myself available for crew duties, i'll do it for free as long as the destination is warm, have experience of both greek and caribean flotilla trips as crew, totally crap at it but very cheap

Yep, I've got lots of offers to crew for free

 

[Herr-B]

We needed a new car battery, after 5pm, most other places shut - I suggested Halfords, and what's more - I can use my British Cycling discount of 10% which would bring the price down about £69. Worth it.

Me - will you accept my British Cycling card, I've only just got it so not got the photo on it yet but it's all there.
Girl - Sorry, I've never seen one of these before, I'll have to ask the manager.
Manager - I'll just take this away and go check for you.

Five minutes pass by.

Manager - I'm sorry, it's not valid for this, only for things in the cycling department, AND you need to print off a voucher first from the internet.
Me - Are you sure it's only for the cycling department, you could be right about the voucher though.
Manager - It's definitely only for things to do with bikes, from the cycling department.
Me - Okay then, if you're sure, I'll just have to pay full price.
Girl - Okay, that'll be . . .
Manager - Hang on. (presses buttons on till) We'll do as trade for you.
Girl - That'll be £47 please.
Me - Wow, thank you very much.
Manager - No problem, sir, it's probably a slightly bigger discount that with your voucher anyway.
Me - I'll say. Thanks again.

And I ran off before he could change his mind.

My ineptitude, and some of his as well, saved me 39% instead of the 10% I was after. I'll have to try this again some day. And I've triple-checked, I did need a voucher, and it's from anything in store bar gift vouchers.

 

[phil_hg_uk]

I have used my BC discount in our Halfords store just by showing my membership card, if they ask you for a voucher again just bring it up from the BC website on your mobile phone screen.

 

[gbb]

Two at work today...
So we're stood, 3 of us, looking down a big hole for a signpost, its maybe 5ft deep.
Interestingly, the waterlevel is only maybe 3 ft down, so the water table must be good after some years of low rainfall. We've bailed it out several times, now its dry.
I look at the bottom and say...
'Dig deep enough, we could see what pre-historic Chatteris (a small fen town) looked like'
'Hmmm' came a slightly uninterested reply..
'Mind, nothing much has changed round here since '

I got a 'look' from three locals ...then

So later on, the concrete lorry has deposited its load in the holes, signs are erected, there's now five of us stood looking at the nearly finished job. I said...
'Look at that, five of us stood here watching and the our boss is the ONLY one working '...as he toiled away, smoothing the concrete.
'Yeah, a £45,000 PA labourer ' replied one (somewhat exaggerationally...is that a word ?).
I instantly chucked in...'Wha.... i thought he was on a LOT more than i am '

That same look from my fen colleagues .... ...then

 

[Arch]

My colleague Steve: Saw a job in the Press last night - Mirror Inspector.
Me: Oh?
Steve: Yeah. Is that the sort of job you could see yourself doing?
Me: Oh...

 

[ColinJ]

(My mobile rings. A friend is calling ... )

Me: "Helllllllllo!"

Friend: "What - it's you!"

Me: "Yes, just little old me ..."

Friend: "Sorry, I called the wrong number; I'll ring you another time - bye!"

Me: "Oh ...!"

 

[Moon bunny]

In the Swan last night:
Me to friend (we have a small gamble) "I hope you are saving up for that bet, Anne".
Hover Fly OTP,(who was ogling the barmaid with Anne's husband), "Why are you buying a bed pan?"

 

[PocketFrog]

"A Groupon? Is that like four tampons elastic banded together for a heavy flow?"

 

[Lee_M]

"When you come back off your holiday next week, we'll arrange a meeting with HR"

Ah, so you're telling me getting rid of me on the day before my holiday then?

Thx for letting me go without any worries!

 

[phil_hg_uk]

"When you come back off your holiday next week, we'll arrange a meeting with HR"

Ah, so you're telling me getting rid of me on the day before my holiday then?

Thx for letting me go without any worries!

Call their bluff and dont go back ....................... that will show em

 

[Cheddar George]

In the Swan last night:
Me to friend (we have a small gamble) "I hope you are saving up for that bet, Anne".
Hover Fly OTP,(who was ogling the barmaid with Anne's husband), "Why are you buying a bed pan?"

Earlier this week my wife was telling me and the kids how her boss had resigned.

"He went into work late last night and did an all star female !" stunned silence from us all.
"He did what ?"
"He went in and did an all staff email !"
"Thank god for that."

 

[Salad Dodger]

There is a woman at work who is known to be - how can I say it..... a bit promiscuous. She seems to have a new "live in" partner every few weeks.

As I walked through our reception area at work yesterday, this woman was standing there talking to the receptionist:

"I havent been doing it for weeks now"

It turns out, she was talking about going to Weight Watchers. Probably.

 

[Arch]

Background: The nature reserve I work at is on the edge of a big council estate, some of the local kids can be hard work sometimes, a bit gobby and full of themselves...

Today, there has been a big nature survey, and they just tweeted the final total.

Me: Oh, final total at the nature count was 185 species!
<pause>
Me: I wonder if they counted Homo sapiens, that would make 186.
<pause>
Me and NT, simultaneously: Or 187 if you count the local kids!