Give me some dialogue from your day

[Cubist]

Me : "How are the calls for service? I need a quick run down before the 4 pm briefing."
NPT Sgt: "Not bad, loads and loads of snowball logs."
Me : "Is it me or has the public only started to ring us about snowballs recently? We used to tell them it was only kids messing etc."
Sgt :"There's five in custody for snowballing."
Me: "I'm sorry, but I could have sworn you just said we'd arrested five people for throwing snowballs."
Sgt: "I did. We have. A racially aggravated incident in ***ley."
Me: "Racially aggravated snowballing? That could only happen in ***ley."

 

[Marshmallow_Fluff]

[Half way point coffee stop, ladies restroom..]

Old lady (coming out of the cubicle): Oh dear! It's a bit chilly to ride, isn't?
Me: Indeed! But it's nice!
Old lady: You shouldn't go out with you bike with that weather. Don't you have a car dear?
Me: Yes I do actually..
Old lady: My son bought me a car. A little Nissan Micra. I go everywhere with my car in the winter. I only live around the corner, but I came with my car today, cause it's so cold!
Me: Yes, but I fancied a ride..
Old lady: I think you should save some money and buy yourself a car!!!

 

[CopperCyclist]

On arresting a male red handed for burglary (followed his footprints and the tracks of the stolen bike - yep, really - in the snow, finding bike leaning up against his garage, and other stolen property in his room with him...

me: I wouldn't bother putting those shoes on, we're going to be seizing all of them [footprint comparison]
him: What? That's out of order, you can't just come into my room and take my stuff!
me: What, a bit like a burglar would you mean?

 

[Stephenite]

...(followed his footprints and the tracks of the stolen bike - yep, really - in the snow...

A surprising number of thieves, and the like, are caught here in Norway using this tried and tested sleuthing method.

 

[Andy_R]

On arresting a male red handed for burglary (followed his footprints and the tracks of the stolen bike - yep, really - in the snow, finding bike leaning up against his garage, and other stolen property in his room with him...T

me: I wouldn't bother putting those shoes on, we're going to be seizing all of them [footprint comparison]
him: What? That's out of order, you can't just come into my room and take my stuff!
me: What, a bit like a burglar would you mean?

heheh........my brother in law told me about his easiest ever arrest. In training, he and his supervising sergeant followed a set of footprints from a forced window to a house 2 streets away.......it was 3.00am and there wasn't a mouse about. The magistrate had a whale of a time taking the pee out of the gentleman responsible..........

 

[hoopdriver]

not dialoge from my own day, but from a friends in Australia - a policeman (in keeping with the theme above)

He had decided to crack down on speeding in his outback Queensland town, especially in front of the school where a lot of mainly out-of-staters (it is a popular winter time destination, especially for fishermen) were whizzing past the playground and pick-up points at 80+kmh. So he laid in wait and as luck would have it that particular long hot afternoon almost nobody drove by. He was about to give up when out of the blue a car with Victoria tags hurtled out of nowhere at a great rate of knots.

He pulled the guy over and as he approached the car jokingly said to the driver "I have been waiting all afternoon for this..."

To which the driver, showing a rare sense of humour,replied, "Sorry officer, I got here as fast as I could."

My friend said he laughed so hard he just couldn't give the guy a ticket.

 

[Cubist]

not dialoge from my own day, but from a friends in Australia - a policeman (in keeping with the theme above)

He had decided to crack down on speeding in his outback Queensland town, especially in front of the school where a lot of mainly out-of-staters (it is a popular winter time destination, especially for fishermen) were whizzing past the playground and pick-up points at 80+kmh. So he laid in wait and as luck would have it that particular long hot afternoon almost nobody drove by. He was about to give up when out of the blue a car with Victoria tags hurtled out of nowhere at a great rate of knots.

He pulled the guy over and as he approached the car jokingly said to the driver "I have been waiting all afternoon for this..."

To which the driver, showing a rare sense of humour,replied, "Sorry officer, I got here as fast as I could."

My friend said he laughed so hard he just couldn't give the guy a ticket.

That's priceless!

 

[Sandra6]

Me - You shouldn't reverse round a corner like that.
Van driver - Why not?
me- Because you couldn't see who was coming (namely me!)
Van driver - Lucky you could see me then.

 

[gbb]

Me - You shouldn't reverse round a corner like that.
Van driver - Why not?
me- Because you couldn't see who was coming (namely me!)
Van driver - Lucky you could see me then.

..scary, the apparent 'couldn't give a monkeys' attitude.

MIne...
I knelt at a machine, my tool bag is three feet away. I turned to see a Portugese guy rooting through my tools....
'Whaddaya doing ???'
'I need a socket for this nut'
'Well there's no sockets in there ...'

One of the operators/line leaders asked...'what was that all about ?'
'Cheeky barsteward, rooting around in my tools without a by or a leave, no respect, there's at least £300 of tools in there and they're mine, not the companies'

I ought to wait till he opens his car boot, then start rooting about in there...you wouldnt dream of it would you !!!

 

[Crackle]

Out walking the dog
Chuck ball for dog
He makes a right hash of the catch and snatches at it and sends it into a ditch of muddy water off his nose
Me to dog: "Loose snatch lad, loose snatch"
Two women walking past: Both give me what I imagine to be a funny look
......
Begins to feel slightly embarrassed
Me to dog:"Remind me to use the word catch in future"

Probably just my imagination. Not even sure they heard me

 

[Andy_R]

Out walking the dog
Chuck ball for dog
He makes a right hash of the catch and snatches at it and sends it into a ditch of muddy water off his nose
Me to dog: "Loose snatch lad, loose snatch"
Two women walking past: Both give me what I imagine to be a funny look
......
Begins to feel slightly embarrassed
Me to dog:"Remind me to use the word catch in future"

Probably just my imagination. Not even sure they heard me

good job you didn't call it a sloppy snatch.......

 

[gbb]

Me to the wife.....'WAHAYYYYYYYYYY'....as I started the car.

It had been mis-firing. A diagnostic told me cylinder 4 was defective. Caps off the plugs....NOOOO, the plug wells are full of water, maybe one inch deep. Oh, bugger, possible head gasket, possible £600,maybe more.
Quick chat with our daughters friend who owns a garage, maybe core plugs if you're lucky, still maybe £200.
Reading the Internet,the Focus appears to suffer from a poor washer design that allows water todripontothe rocker cover, through a hole and into the plug recesses..at least now I have a cheap possibility.
So I soak up the water, the hexagons of the plugs are rusty, I gingerly undo one at a time.....clunk, the third one shears off. KIN ELL,now I've got a sheared plug in the head.
Got my stud extractors from work today, and by torchlight, took the rocker off, extracted the broken bit first time, used a telescopic magnet try to make sure there's no debris left in the cylinder, re-assemble itall....and gingerly turn that key.....'WAHAYYYYYYY'..

Talk about lows and highs.

 

[Night Train]

A few days ago, in reference to the single bed in the guestroom I just prepared.

Mum: Should I put a double duvet on the bed?
Me: No Mum, single bed, single duvet.
Mum: But it will be warmer.
Me: It will be bigger, not warmer. I will put a blanket in there as well.

Yesterday.
Mum: Shall I put a double duvet on the bed?
Me: No Mum, the single will be fine.
Mum: But it will be...
Me: No mum, it won't, anyway, I have put a blanket in there and a heater.

Later that day.
Mum: Shall I put a double duvet on that bed?
Me: You asked that earlier, no!
Mum: But...
Me: No.

Today while changing the bedding.
Mum: Shall I put a double duvet on the bed?
Me: Mum! You can't keep on asking the same question hoping I will change my reply. It was 'No!' when you first asked and it is still 'No'. It will be 'No' when you ask again.
Mum: But it will be warmer...
Me: No Mum, it will just be bigger. There is a blanket and a heater in there. There is more heater in there then in my room, and yours. It will not be cold! Grrrrr!

 

[Arch]

A few days ago, in reference to the single bed in the guestroom I just prepared.

Mum: Should I put a double duvet on the bed?
Me: No Mum, single bed, single duvet.
Mum: But it will be warmer.
Me: It will be bigger, not warmer. I will put a blanket in there as well.

Yesterday.
Mum: Shall I put a double duvet on the bed?
Me: No Mum, the single will be fine.
Mum: But it will be...
Me: No mum, it won't, anyway, I have put a blanket in there and a heater.

Later that day.
Mum: Shall I put a double duvet on that bed?
Me: You asked that earlier, no!
Mum: But...
Me: No.

Today while changing the bedding.
Mum: Shall I put a double duvet on the bed?
Me: Mum! You can't keep on asking the same question hoping I will change my reply. It was 'No!' when you first asked and it is still 'No'. It will be 'No' when you ask again.
Mum: But it will be warmer...
Me: No Mum, it will just be bigger. There is a blanket and a heater in there. There is more heater in there then in my room, and yours. It will not be cold! Grrrrr!

So, are you going to put a double duvet on it?

 

[phil_hg_uk]

So, are you going to put a double duvet on it?

But will it be warmer