Give me some dialogue from your day

[Lanzecki]

Not quite dialogue, but it turns out the colleague I've been calling Sid for the last 18 months is actually called Simon & and I only found out when his wife called and asked to speak to Simon, and I told her nobody called Simon works here...

My dad used to call me Steam (long story) He introduced me to people as Steam. Naturally more people thought it wa Steve. My mum has told people several times on the phone that Steve doesn't live here.

I'm 42 now, and some people still think I'm called Steve. I kinda feel bad about telling them, so I dont.

 

[MossCommuter]

A potential customer in the restaurant I am lunching in: have you any tables for tonight?
Restaurateur: we're fully booked from seven
Another potential customer in the restaurant I am lunching in: have you any tables for tonight?
Restaurateur: we're fully booked from seven
Another potential customer in the restaurant I am lunching in: have you any tables for tonight?
Restaurateur: we're fully booked from seven
Another potential customer in the restaurant I am lunching in: have you any tables for tonight?
Restaurateur: we're fully booked from seven
Another potential customer in the restaurant I am lunching in: have you any tables for tonight?
Restaurateur: we're fully booked from seven

Ad nauseam....

 

[MossCommuter]

Me: did you know you stopped in the ASZ at every set of lights?
My mate: What? That green bit?
Me: yes, that green bit
My mate: oh, so I am not allowed to stop in there, even when there are no bikes in it?
Me:

 

[Speicher]

This is part of a conversation I overheard today:

Person A: Do you watch Coronation Street?
Person B: No. When it first started we did not have electricity in the house.

 

[MattHB]

mum to 4 year old: do you want to blow your nose?
4 yo to mum: no, theyve gone back into the bogie house

 

[Night Train]

A phone call:
T: You've had a text from M inviting you to our wedding?
Me: Yes! I got it a moment ago.
T: Well, I'm not calling about that. Are you at home at the moment?
Me: Err, yes.
T: Can I come and pick your brains about something electrical on the [electric] car?



Later, a text from T:
'Can't come after all. Diesel car needs fixing. Speak soon. T'

Surely that's the whole point of having an electric car!

 

[Arch]

A phone call:
T: You've had a text from M inviting you to our wedding?
Me: Yes! I got it a moment ago.
T: Well, I'm not calling about that. Are you at home at the moment?
Me: Err, yes.
T: Can I come and pick your brains about something electrical on the [electric] car?



Later, a text from T:
'Can't come after all. Diesel car needs fixing. Speak soon. T'

Surely that's the whole point of having an electric car!

And congrats to T and M!

 

[Night Train]

And congrats to T and M!

I said we're attending, 23rd Feb, late afternoon, if you can make it. We'll get you a new hard hat.

 

[Arch]

I said we're attending, 23rd Feb, late afternoon, if you can make it. We'll get you a new hard hat.

That's a Saturday? Should be fine. I can stick some feathers on my hard hat, call it a fascinator.

 

[Sandra6]

Customer - I'd like to return this sat nav.
Me - Is there anything wrong with it?
Customer - No, I want a better one.
Me - Have you switched it on and used it?
Customer - No.
Me - You haven't switched it on at all?
Customer - I switched it on but I didn't use it.
Me - lengthy explanation of returns policy including the fact they are exempt from 28day returns policy and that out of sheer goodwill we will exchange them but only if they haven't been used.
Customer - I didn't use it.
Me - (switch on sat nav, see several postcodes have been entered - point this out to customer)
Customer - Yes I put the post code in but I didn't use it.
Me (looking around for brick wall to bang head against ) That kind of constitutes using it.
Customer - No, I didn't use it.

We went round and round for a while with me giving a useful example of turning a TV on but not actually watching it still being considered as using it.
Customer - What if it's faulty?
Me - If it were faulty we would arrange a replacement, but it isn't faulty.
Customer - It'll be faulty next week.
We shall see!

 

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

"yuck" said a teenage girl as I cycled passed here plastered head to toe in mud after my first mountain bike ride in 2 years. 30 miles off road in winter - kitchen floor is now 'yuck' as well!

 

[BigonaBianchi]

 

[Andrew_Culture]

One of our general engineers / fitters (called Matt) has been given his own little office, one of the other engineers said to me -

Engineer - "We ought to put a little sign up for him..."
Me - 'You don't have to be Matt to work here but it helps?'
Engineer - "buh?"

 

[BigonaBianchi]

WHY WHY WHY WHY...hasnt somebody invented the non fray gear cable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Andrew_Culture]

'Not sure one can get boob on the NHS these days, not like in that documentary 'Carry on Doctor'.'