Give me some dialogue from your day

[Matthew_T]

I was walking calmly from the bus station to meet my dad who was going to pick me up from down the road. I pass a phone box with a guy rooting through the change dispenser. I thought he was looking for money left by other people.The guy exits the phone booth just as I pass.

Him: They eat up your f****** 60 pences dont they?
Me: (Smiles kindly and continues walking)
Him: I was on there for 2 mins and it just goes birrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Me: (Smiles kindly and continues walking but a bit slower)
Him: Sorry for talking to a complete stranger. I have known you for what, 2 seconds?
Me: (Continues smiling but is getting concerned about this individual)
Him: I'll go now. See you later mate.
Me: (Very worried about who I was just spoken to by and how he conceives me as a 'mate' as I didnt say a word).

The guy then staggered off and nearly got run over by a car when crossing the road. He then headed into the local bingo and fruit machine hall.

This is why I dont like Rhyl.

 

[dellzeqq]

'you're so lucky to have a fertile wife'

at six thirty in the morning.

 

[laurence]

man in shop that sells cheap stuff: he;;o can i help you?
me: yes, i'm looking for a plastic storage box
him: what size?
me: big enough for a 4ft python to curl up in
him: *blink*
me: i think this one looks ok.
him: shuffles off to look for another customer

 

[GrasB]

As I passed another cyclist...
Her: Oi! *gasp* Git *gasp*
Me: Sorry
Her: Unfair! *gasp* Unfair! *gasp*

Earlier I'd passed her than turned off down another road, she had then done 15km with about 130m of climbing. The shortest route I could have gone was 19km with 180m of climbing.

 

[Andy_R]

From yesterday, walking 9yr old son home from school
Me: What was school like today?
Him: Good. We did homophobes.
Me: !!!!!!!!! You what????
Him: You know, words that sound the same.
Me: Homophones son, homophones.
Him: What did I say?

 

[gbb]

Me...to the wife as we're walking through town, finally deciding she will start a new phone contract with a Galaxy S3. Her old contract is just about due, she wants a change from Apple phones, so she's happy with the package. She will pay the contract each month, the phone comes free (well its in the cost, but you know what i mean)...

So i said to her,,
'It can be my Xmas pressie to you '

She looked at me '..you can get stuffed, you're not pulling that one, I'M paying for it you cheeky sod'


Well, you gotta try, eh ?

 

[Arch]

We're working at the kerside, sorting recycling into the vehicle. A lady cycles past and says:

"Oh, can I give you my recycling"
Us: "Er, yes...." (that's what we're here for, after all)

So, she parks her bike outside her house a bit further up and disappears inside, and comes out moments later carrying stuff in her arms.

Us: Er, it's ok, leave it by the door, we'll get to it in a moment!

Her: Oh! Are you coming this way?

Really, I know our vehicle is a bit unusual, but the big glass windscreen on the cab, the seats and the white lights on the front ought to give you a clue which direction we're going. Or did you think we did the whole day in reverse gear?

Funny thing was, as she went in, she saw her neighbour, and spoke to her, and she also started down the street towards us carrying her box. That's two people incapable of telling one end of a vehicle from another!

 

[Arch]

Talking about food and cooking at lunchtime:

Colleague: I've got a recipe from Mrs Beeton with carrots inside her.

Me:

Me: Oh! Carrots in cider!

 

[Salad Dodger]

As I walked through the local shopping centre last evening, 2 women walked past, and talking to each other.

The problem is that I am not sure what one of them said to the other.

Either it was "you have to be sexy to work there"
or it was "you have to be sixty to work there"

There's a significant difference between the two!

 

[GrasB]

about 15 min into a video support call we're waiting for some benchmarks to run

Me: That's a nice picture behind you, but I ca...
Her: «looking very worried» <string of expletives>
Me: Helen*?
«quickly jumps out of her seat to the side»
call ends
Me:

*Not her real name

 

[gbb]

Front door knocks, its 7pm, i've just got settled down. I get up and can't find the keys, i shout through the door..'hang on, two secs'...
I spend what seemed an eternity finding the keys, opened the door to face a young guy with a clipboard . Oh, just what i need.

'Good evening sir, i'm here......' and before he's finished i see on his clipboard a LoveFilm flier....i cut in politely...
'No thanks'
'I'm not selling sir, its just.......' and before he's finished, i said..
'No thanks'

Polite, firm, uncompromising. Simple.
Anyway, if he's not selling, i'm the Pope.

 

[T.M.H.N.E.T]

This is my sisters interpretation of the conversation

Madre: wait 'till you hear this I was in stitches
Me: yes but will I be in stiches after hearing it?
Chris: she'll be needing bloody stiches if I have to hear this story one more time!


I am Chris, of course

 

[gbb]

Not mine, but a classic one from the wife.
She works in a school for handicapped children. They're all characters, from those that are severely physically disabled to those with autism etc etc. They had a santa in last week, the kids for the most part loved it of course. One of her charges, 16 year old 'Johnny' lets say, came walking back from seeing santa, slumped into his chair, shoulders and head down and said ..
'Christmas is rubbish'

The wife asked why ?
'Cos i wanted an iPad...and all i got was some crayons '

 

[Matthew_T]

'Cos i wanted an iPad...and all i got was some crayons '

I hop that doesnt happen to me this year.
"I wanted a Garmin Edge 200 and all I got were some zip ties"

 

[GrumpyGregry]

Me: Can you tell me where the watch department is please?
Her: Over by the Wonder Room, but (looks me up and down) they are very expensive.
Me: That's good. I want to buy an expensive one.

Obviously my mix of paul smith, hillfiger, and church's didn't move her disposable income meter enough.

(That's the second time in a month a member of staff in Selfridges has been incredibly patronising to me. Last time they lost the sale of a made-to-measure suit; this time I had little choice, John Lewis don't carry male or unisex in the brand #1 son wants (is getting) for his birthday. House of Fraser didn't have the right one in stock.)