Give me some dialogue from your day

[Arch]

Not from my day, but from work:

We recently had an event at work in which a Hedgehog Expert gave advice on encouraging and caring for garden hedgehogs. She apparently told this story (related to me by a colleague who was there).

A person rang this expert, who also rescues sick and injured hedgehogs, and said "I've found a baby hedgehog on a path, and put it in a box, but I think it's not well, because it's not moving about or touching the food I've left for it".

So she went round to see.

It was a teasel...

 

[gbb]

'Oh fer chrissakes '

I've finished work at 5, driven for 35 minutes to get to Currys to pick up a fridge just before they close at 6.
Just gets into town (3 miles from Currys) and its chocker, traffic's at a standstill. Rang the wife to warn her i may not even get to the shop in time, sat at one stage for 10 minutes without moving an inch.
Somehow, JUST got to Currys at 5.50, knocked at the loading door......nothing.
Runs to the front of the store....closed 'Oh fer chri........'

1 hour later and i'm still chuntering about it...amazing how traffic and a deadline can wind you up like a spring.

 

[gbb]

Not from my day, but from work:

We recently had an event at work in which a Hedgehog Expert gave advice on encouraging and caring for garden hedgehogs. She apparently told this story (related to me by a colleague who was there).

A person rang this expert, who also rescues sick and injured hedgehogs, and said "I've found a baby hedgehog on a path, and put it in a box, but I think it's not well, because it's not moving about or touching the food I've left for it".

So she went round to see.

It was a teasel...

Oh dear God

My dog wee'd on a hedgehog this morning.
5am. i always walk the dog off the lead, there's no-one about. I was walking along a well lit path, Jake some way in front of me and he's cocked his leg over what i thought was some litter. Didnt think anything of it till i got to the puddle of pee....but no litter .
Oh.....he's pee'd on a hedgehog

 

[colly]

Oh dear God

My dog wee'd on a hedgehog this morning.
5am. i always walk the dog off the lead, there's no-one about. I was walking along a well lit path, Jake some way in front of me and he's cocked his leg over what i thought was some litter. Didnt think anything of it till i got to the puddle of pee....but no litter .
Oh.....he's pee'd on a hedgehog

That reminds me of a joke. I'll post it in the joke thread.

 

[TVC]

Me minding my own business.
20 year old junior employee:
"What are you having for tea Jim? I'm having spaghetti bolognese which is mega 'cos my dad's making it but like I can't have it when I get in like I usually do 'cos we've got to wait for my brother who's going round my cousin's first to drop of something for their baby who is so like so cute and they dress her up in really like cute clothes and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah like blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.............................................."

 

[gbb]

Me minding my own business.
20 year old junior employee:
"What are you having for tea Jim? I'm having spaghetti bolognese which is mega 'cos my dad's making it but like I can't have it when I get in like I usually do 'cos we've got to wait for my brother who's going round my cousin's first to drop of something for their baby who is so like so cute and they dress her up in really like cute clothes and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah like blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.............................................."

Reminds me of a guy i used to work with, he could talk a glass eye to sleep at a thousand paces

I was sat at my desk, back to him, he was droning on and on about something. I actually (not intentionally) switched off and never heard a thing he said after about a minute. Several minutes later, i realised he was STILL talking . I still didn't know what he was on about.

 

[Cubist]

Not from my day, but from work:

We recently had an event at work in which a Hedgehog Expert gave advice on encouraging and caring for garden hedgehogs. She apparently told this story (related to me by a colleague who was there).

A person rang this expert, who also rescues sick and injured hedgehogs, and said "I've found a baby hedgehog on a path, and put it in a box, but I think it's not well, because it's not moving about or touching the food I've left for it".

So she went round to see.

It was a teasel...

 

[Matthew_T]

'Oh fer chrissakes '

I've finished work at 5, driven for 35 minutes to get to Currys to pick up a fridge just before they close at 6.
Just gets into town (3 miles from Currys) and its chocker, traffic's at a standstill. Rang the wife to warn her i may not even get to the shop in time, sat at one stage for 10 minutes without moving an inch.
Somehow, JUST got to Currys at 5.50, knocked at the loading door......nothing.
Runs to the front of the store....closed 'Oh fer chri........'

1 hour later and i'm still chuntering about it...amazing how traffic and a deadline can wind you up like a spring.

You should have taken the bike. Much faster.

 

[Night Train]

Mum: Tea?
Me: Yes please. I have a headache!
Mum: Have a muffin.
Me:
Mum: What do you think of these? *shows me a packet of pancakes*
Me: *bleugh*
Mum: They're new!
Me:
Mum: Would you like some?
Me: *bleurrrrgh* I've got a headache, Mum!
Mum: I can make some for you. Keep you warm while your working.
Me: Mum! I have a headache! I'm really not interested!
Mum: Would you like one of these instead? *passes Paracetamol*
Me: Had some.
Mum: How long ago? Do you need some more?
Me: I have a headache, Mum, leave me alone!

 

[gbb]

'Can you increase the speed on the flaps for me Colin, i think its causing a jam because they're too slow' asked Lucas.

It seemed a legitimate request, i did so, it seemed fine. The flaps have sensors on them and a change of a few milliseconds can confuse the machine into thinking its jaws are jammed, or associated components are out of synch.

Half an hour before i'm due to go home, the machines alarming up like the clappers and i spent a frantic 25 minutes adjusting adjusting adjusting, adjusting speeds, cylinder strokes, sensor positions, desperately trying to find something that worked.

Stress....next time he asks, i'll think carefully about what time i'm making adjustments to machinery.

 

[Speicher]

[QUOTE 2178946, member: 45"]Gwendolyn?[/quote]
Gwendolyn does not like cheese.

 

[Arch]

Gwendolyn does not like cheese.

That's not me then.

In fact, I'm eating a bag of Aldi Mini Cheddars-a-like right now,

 

[colly]

Out for a meal earlier this evening. Returned about 8.
Sit down watching tv. Some ''exciting'' cop style thing. Dull as sandpaper. 30 mins or so passes by with not a word spoken between me and my Mrs.
I switch on the lap top, see what's happening in the world of CC.
A minute passes.
Mrs: That's a lovely beach.
Me: Eh ? What? Sorry, what did you say ?
Mrs: \that's a nice beach on tv.
Me: Looking up. Oh yes lovely.
Go back to CC
A minute passes.
Mrs: Isn't that a cute puppy?
Me: Eh ? What ? Sorry did you say something ?
Mrs: That's a cute puppy on tv.
Me: Er......yes...very nice.
Go back to CC
A minute passes:
Mrs. Have we been there?
Me: ? Er ? what was that?
Mrs: Have we been there ?
Me: Looking at tv. No I don't think so, it's set in Italy and we've never been to Italy.
Go back to CC
A minute passes.
What's he been in ?
Me: Looking up at tv.............No idea I don't recognise him at all.
Do NOT go back to CC
30 mins passes......not a word spoken.
Pick up lap top and log back into CC
A minute passes
Mrs: Didn't we have one of those ?
Me: Eh ? What? Eh ? No er? Yes, no........... look I don't know.
Go back to CC
A minute passes
.
.
.
. repeat

 

[swee'pea99]

Out for a meal earlier this evening. Returned about 8.
Sit down watching tv. Some ''exciting'' cop style thing. Dull as sandpaper. 30 mins or so passes by with not a word spoken between me and my Mrs.
I switch on the lap top, see what's happening in the world of CC.
A minute passes.
Mrs: That's a lovely beach.
Me: Eh ? What? Sorry, what did you say ?
Mrs: \that's a nice beach on tv.
Me: Looking up. Oh yes lovely.
Go back to CC
A minute passes.
Mrs: Isn't that a cute puppy?
Me: Eh ? What ? Sorry did you say something ?
Mrs: That's a cute puppy on tv.
Me: Er......yes...very nice.
Go back to CC
A minute passes:
Mrs. Have we been there?
Me: ? Er ? what was that?
Mrs: Have we been there ?
Me: Looking at tv. No I don't think so, it's set in Italy and we've never been to Italy.
Go back to CC
A minute passes.
What's he been in ?
Me: Looking up at tv.............No idea I don't recognise him at all.
Do NOT go back to CC
30 mins passes......not a word spoken.
Pick up lap top and log back into CC
A minute passes
Mrs: Didn't we have one of those ?
Me: Eh ? What? Eh ? No er? Yes, no........... look I don't know.
Go back to CC
A minute passes
.
.
.
. repeat

Yet she's still alive. Remarkable.

 

[TVC]

Yet she's still alive. Remarkable.

I think it's remarkable that Colly is so unable to take the hint