BigonaBianchi
Yes I can, Yes I am, Yes I did...Repeat.
- Location
- Iskele TRNC & Mordor UK
Holy Jesus its fffrrreeeeeeeeeeeezzzing!!!
Give me some dialogue from your day
- Thread starter Crackle
- Start date
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Me to daughter as she went out to walk the dog - "be careful, the front path is really slippy"
Daughter - "If I fall and crack my head open call Eric" (Eric is the dutch doctor who stitched her head up last time she fell in Amsterdam, I'm unlikely to be calling him!)
Younger daughter - "or you could just use gaffer tape"
Daughter - "If I fall and crack my head open call Eric" (Eric is the dutch doctor who stitched her head up last time she fell in Amsterdam, I'm unlikely to be calling him!)
Younger daughter - "or you could just use gaffer tape"
- Location
- Shrewsbury, Shropshire
"Busby, please stop licking my trousers."
(Busby is the dog in my avatar).
(Busby is the dog in my avatar).
gbb
Squire
- Location
- Peterborough
In a similar pet related vein (i assume)...
'Jake
!!!. fer chrissakes, get your ar$e out of my face as you stretch 
He has a habit of stretching, front end down, tail and bum in the air, all i can see is (imagination please)... about 4ft away from me fer chrissakes
Lovely ...
In a traditional old clock repair shop, cuckoo clocks, railway clocks, carriage clocks and loads I couldn't identify plus an assorted selection of barometers, non new, all with various stickers on indicating repair cost, sale cost, veracity of repair etc... all taking up every available space on the wall, floor, shelves and counter. You wouldn't want to be in there when the hour came around. There's just enough room to open the door, step in and slide down the counter sideways. Behind the counter is a man and woman and I've slithered in, in the middle of a conversation....
Her: "I might re-book that appointment"
Him: head down with a magnifying glass in one eye, "hmmmm"
Her: "It's easy for you men. I have to sit in a chair, lie back and raise my legs and then they fit the cap."
Me: Looks up in alarm and wonders if they've noticed I've come in as this is clearly a very private conversation.
Her: "And the needles they use on it are really painful. You don't have any of that"
Him: Still deep in concenration "Hmmmm"
Me: Begins to shuffle back down the shop and think about making my excuses
.........
Her: It's when they scratch your scalp as they pull the hair through that's the worst
Me: Flush of sudden relief as I realize I've got entirely the wrong end of the stick and the subject is not contraception but hair!
...........
Her: To me "Are you all right, what can we help you with?"
Me: "errr... just a minute, it's temporarily gone out my head....."
Her: "I might re-book that appointment"
Him: head down with a magnifying glass in one eye, "hmmmm"
Her: "It's easy for you men. I have to sit in a chair, lie back and raise my legs and then they fit the cap."
Me: Looks up in alarm and wonders if they've noticed I've come in as this is clearly a very private conversation.
Her: "And the needles they use on it are really painful. You don't have any of that"
Him: Still deep in concenration "Hmmmm"
Me: Begins to shuffle back down the shop and think about making my excuses
.........
Her: It's when they scratch your scalp as they pull the hair through that's the worst
Me: Flush of sudden relief as I realize I've got entirely the wrong end of the stick and the subject is not contraception but hair!
...........
Her: To me "Are you all right, what can we help you with?"
Me: "errr... just a minute, it's temporarily gone out my head....."
- Location
- Next door to Mr Benn at No 54
I did not say this, but overheard it recently:
Did you meet the man who said his organ needed covering up?
Did you meet the man who said his organ needed covering up?
MossCommuter
Guru
- Location
- Salford
Me: Can I have my bill please
Yo! Sushi Waitress: Certainly Sir...
Yo! Sushi Waitress: ...did you know we did all you can eat for £19.95 every Sunday?
What I did not say: Cheeky cow
Yo! Sushi Waitress: Certainly Sir...
Yo! Sushi Waitress: ...did you know we did all you can eat for £19.95 every Sunday?
What I did not say: Cheeky cow
Arjimlad
Tights of Cydonia
- Location
- South Glos
Ladies in the office first thing ... "They do take a long while to log you in sometimes"..
"Yes, sometimes I just go off & leave it - if you fiddle with it it just takes longer"..
I resisted the urge to say "welcome to a man's world".
"Yes, sometimes I just go off & leave it - if you fiddle with it it just takes longer"..
I resisted the urge to say "welcome to a man's world".
threebikesmcginty
Corn Fed Hick...
- Location
- ...on the slake
Bank: Sorry, you'll have to phone back now.
Me: Why?
Bank: Because you conferred.
Me: Why would I retain that sort of information?
Bank: Sorry, you'll have to phone back.
Me: With the same answer as I just gave you?
Bank: Yes.
Me: Gnnnnn...
Me: Why?
Bank: Because you conferred.
Me: Why would I retain that sort of information?
Bank: Sorry, you'll have to phone back.
Me: With the same answer as I just gave you?
Bank: Yes.
Me: Gnnnnn...
gbb
Squire
- Location
- Peterborough
Had exactly the same myself once...bloomin infuriating.
Mine today....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Lots of silence, ive been on my own all day, hardly spoke a word with anyone. I'm a quiet fella, but that drove me nuts today. I hate working on my own all day.
Just having taken back the third of 25 sofas to be recovered:
Manager: Looks good. You've got a job for life here?
Me: Blank look.
Manager: There's another 4 floors worth after this lot.
Me: Really ?
Manager: Yep. And another four hotels.
Me: Oh....................right. (run down the corridor jumping and clicking heels and going woo woo woo)
I think I'll have to keep him happy.
Manager: Looks good. You've got a job for life here?
Me: Blank look.
Manager: There's another 4 floors worth after this lot.
Me: Really ?
Manager: Yep. And another four hotels.
Me: Oh....................right. (run down the corridor jumping and clicking heels and going woo woo woo)
I think I'll have to keep him happy.
Sittingduck
Legendary Member
- Location
- Somewhere flat
Just overheard in the office...
Person 1: Superman is pure fiction though isn't it. I mean, it's just not going to happen. Where as Spiderman... that's more believable. It could actually happen.
Person 2: Yeah, yeah...
Person 1: Superman is pure fiction though isn't it. I mean, it's just not going to happen. Where as Spiderman... that's more believable. It could actually happen.
Person 2: Yeah, yeah...
You were person 1, right?
Sittingduck
Legendary Member
- Location
- Somewhere flat
Hahaha - should have added a disclaimer:
Person 3 (me): *silent sniggering and hiding behind their monitor
GrasB
Veteran
- Location
- Nr Cambridge
Me: *long detailed explanation of procedure*
A. N. Other: That'll take a long time, I'll get it done in less than half the time of your way
Me: but it'll almost certainly end badly
A. N. Other: Yeah right
Me: Yes, right. It WILL end in tears.
... 5 min latter
*CRASH*
Me:
A. N. Other: ARG!!!! F**king hell that hurts.
Me: Oh look it didn't work did it! Now go see a first aider. I'll undo this mess
A. N. Other:But it really hurts!
Me: I told you, but no you had to know better didn't you. Now go away & find a first aider.
A. N. Other: That'll take a long time, I'll get it done in less than half the time of your way
Me: but it'll almost certainly end badly
A. N. Other: Yeah right
Me: Yes, right. It WILL end in tears.
... 5 min latter
*CRASH*
Me:
A. N. Other: ARG!!!! F**king hell that hurts.
Me: Oh look it didn't work did it! Now go see a first aider. I'll undo this mess
A. N. Other:But it really hurts!
Me: I told you, but no you had to know better didn't you. Now go away & find a first aider.
