Give me some dialogue from your day

[perplexed]

Having been on hold for 45 minutes:

Me to colleague in the room: "I wish whoever designed this f*)$Jg system were here, so I could shove this phone right up their ar.... Oh hello there, I wonder if you could help me..."

 

[Andrew_Culture]

My sister - 'What do you reckon reindeer taste of?'

Me - 'Venison'

 

[gbb]

This is one where your mouth could get you into trouble...
driving home last night, coming up a narrow street and two cars are facing off. The guy in the right held his ground and the guy in the wrong eventually backed up. The guy in the right then placed himself beside the other, wound down his window and started telling him he was in the wrong, he should have given way...blah blah blah. No doubting his moral high ground, he was absolutely right, but he seemed determined to reinforce the point, for what seemed like an eternity. It went on...and on...and on.
C'mon, i'm thinking while i wait, not so patiently.

So he pulled forward, and for some reason i said to him as he passed me (through open windows)
'perhaps a little less talk and a bit more driving, we can all get home then'

The response, i hadnt (unwisely) expected...
'YOU F-KIN WHAT!!!'...as he slammed his brakes on, no doubt now in a viler temper than he alreasy was.
I looked, he was shaven headed, looked about three times as big as me and looked really quite miffed

Discretion got the better of valour...and i made my way with reasonable haste (but not so fast you;d think i was scared )

I consoled myself with the he was a big big fella, no doubt the type that like to intimidate people given half the chance (by the look of him)....well, i gave him something to spoil his evening. Must be more careful next time tho...

 

[Andrew_Culture]

Colleague yelling across factory seeing me turn up late wearing my cycling shorts - "WHOOP! Feght de faat!"

Me - "But it keeps fighting back!"

 

[Andrew_Culture]

This is one where your mouth could get you into trouble...
driving home last night, coming up a narrow street and two cars are facing off. The guy in the right held his ground and the guy in the wrong eventually backed up. The guy in the right then placed himself beside the other, wound down his window and started telling him he was in the wrong, he should have given way...blah blah blah. No doubting his moral high ground, he was absolutely right, but he seemed determined to reinforce the point, for what seemed like an eternity. It went on...and on...and on.
C'mon, i'm thinking while i wait, not so patiently.

So he pulled forward, and for some reason i said to him as he passed me (through open windows)
'perhaps a little less talk and a bit more driving, we can all get home then'

The response, i hadnt (unwisely) expected...
'YOU F-KIN WHAT!!!'...as he slammed his brakes on, no doubt now in a viler temper than he alreasy was.
I looked, he was shaven headed, looked about three times as big as me and looked really quite miffed

Discretion got the better of valour...and i made my way with reasonable haste (but not so fast you;d think i was scared )

I consoled myself with the he was a big big fella, no doubt the type that like to intimidate people given half the chance (by the look of him)....well, i gave him something to spoil his evening. Must be more careful next time tho...

Our road is a rat run so is constantly log jammed, one of my old neighbours used to take his cuppa out to his doorstep and watch.

 

[gbb]

So i'm taking the mickey out of Lukacz (sp. he's Polish, Lucas to us) one of the operators, he'd cocked something up, there was a lot of banter going on. He's a very happy, smiley kinda fella, likes to laugh.
I had a piece of paper in my hand and a pen..
'Hey Lucas, whats this' i asked as i drew the following...
..
(At this stage, i realise i cant copy and paste an anchor symbol onto the page, but imagine an anchor symbol)

'Err, its off a ship'
'Yes but what's it called'
'Err..'
'Its an anchor Lucas'
'Oh yes'

Then i drew a big W in front of it......
'What's it say now lucas ?'
'Err... '
'It says Wan..r Lucas, that's going to be on your name badge from now on '

His face lit up, he grabbed the paper...'Simone, Simone, whats this' he asked portugese Simone, pointing to the anchor...

He was off, happy as Larry, grabbing anyone that'd listen

 

[Pat "5mph"]

So i'm taking the mickey out of Lukacz (sp. he's Polish, Lucas to us) one of the operators, he'd cocked something up, there was a lot of banter going on. He's a very happy, smiley kinda fella, likes to laugh.
I had a piece of paper in my hand and a pen..
'Hey Lucas, whats this' i asked as i drew the following...
..
(At this stage, i realise i cant copy and paste an anchor symbol onto the page, but imagine an anchor symbol)

'Err, its off a ship'
'Yes but what's it called'
'Err..'
'Its an anchor Lucas'
'Oh yes'

Then i drew a big W in front of it......
'What's it say now lucas ?'
'Err... '
'It says Wan..r Lucas, that's going to be on your name badge from now on '

His face lit up, he grabbed the paper...'Simone, Simone, whats this' he asked portugese Simone, pointing to the anchor...

He was off, happy as Larry, grabbing anyone that'd listen

(me no like )

 

[Night Train]

Me: Hello Mum.
Mum: You should have some music on.
Me: Yeah, I forgot to bring some up.
Mum: If you had some music on it wouldn't be so quiet up here.
Me: Yes, But I forgot to bring some up. I usually do but I also didn't think I would be working as long.
Mum: Even a radio would do. It would be company for you.
Me: I know, I have had music on before but I forgot to bring some up this time.
Mum: It must be really dull up here in silence. You should have some music on.
Me: I've had music on during last week and the weekend, I forgot this time.
Mum: It's a bit lonely for you up here without some music on. You should have a radio or something.
Me: *sarcastically* I hate working with music on, it is really annoying!
Mum: Is that your new window?
Me: No, its the roof hatch.
Mum: Oh.

 

[jann71]

Dad: I think we should have everyone round for Christmas dinner at our house this year. (He means family 8-10 people)
Me: I'm working 2-6pm Xmas day!
Dad: oh better not bother then let's see who invites us.
Me: lol

 

[Arch]

Me: Hello Mum.
Mum: You should have some music on.
Me: Yeah, I forgot to bring some up.
Mum: If you had some music on it wouldn't be so quiet up here.
Me: Yes, But I forgot to bring some up. I usually do but I also didn't think I would be working as long.
Mum: Even a radio would do. It would be company for you.
Me: I know, I have had music on before but I forgot to bring some up this time.
Mum: It must be really dull up here in silence. You should have some music on.
Me: I've had music on during last week and the weekend, I forgot this time.
Mum: It's a bit lonely for you up here without some music on. You should have a radio or something.
Me: *sarcastically* I hate working with music on, it is really annoying!
Mum: Is that your new window?
Me: No, its the roof hatch.
Mum: Oh.

You need a proper builder's tranny left up there - all paint spattered, and with a bit of bent wire for an aerial...

Your little phone speaker dock thingy is very nifty though.

 

[Cubist]

Chair "So, there we have a list of expected outcomes, but how do we decide on the delivery model?"
Me "You'll need to determine which of those outcomes are priorities, then determine which of them you can achieve based on capacity and available resources."
Chair "Go on..."
Woman with Tie Dye top on." So we need a separate workgroup to examine...."
Chair "Just minute Jean... go on Cubist."
Me "Once you've decided what you hope to achieve, you need to look at where you are right now, because that baseline assessment will give you an idea of how far you are away from those outcomes........."
Tie Dye Jean "So a breakout plenary would be able to determine...."
Chair "Just a minute Jean......"
Me ".... and the delivery model will therefore be whatever it takes to get from the baseline to the priority outcomes."
Chair "Sounds simple enough."
Tie-Dye Jean "But we need to co-opt a task and finish group to...."
Chair "Hang on Jean, Cubist has just pointed out something that was so blindingly obvious that we could have saved three months' worth of meetings."
Cubist "Well, we didn't have the expected outcomes until yesterday, so don't be too harsh on yourselves."
Tie Dye Jean "We'll have to check that the strategic board members are happy with what we are proposing....
Chair "Do we?"
Me "That's a list of government expectations, and for once the explanatory notes make it clear that you aren't expected to deliver on every single one. You only need to determine what's relevant for this district. As long as you review the process regularly with a view to keeping those priorities current, then you will be delivering according to the paper. Just tell the board what you propose, and ensure your priorities are justified."
Tie-Dye Jean "But we're going to need to create a tactical reference group to ensure compliance with the strategic direction of the .....
Chair "Thanks Cubist. We can sit down this afternoon and look at those priorities. Can we use the conference room?"
Minute-taker. "I think Jean's got it booked for a meeting.........."

 

[Arch]

Tie-Dye Jean "But we're going to need to create a tactical reference group to ensure compliance with the strategic direction of the .....

<bangs head against wall>

We lost our CEO recently, due to her contract being up. In their wisdom, the Management Committee have decided we need a Strategic Review, and then they'll decide what sort of replacement we need, and recruit accordingly.

So that's three months at least without a fundraiser. Great idea, for a charity!

 

[gbb]

(me no like )

Oh, sorry Pat, never thought, should have put a warning...thinly veiled swearing, or something like that

 

[subaqua]

optician well Mr subaqua, your eyesight has chamged so marginally that i recommenfd you don't need new glasses. you do however need a cholesterol check as you are 40 and i think i can see some deposits building up.
me- cholesterol was measured in work 3 weeks ago at 5.1 with the HDL and LDL in the right order.
Optician- Oh .

 

[Night Train]

You need a proper builder's tranny left up there - all paint spattered, and with a bit of bent wire for an aerial...

Something like this, you mean?

Not sure I'd get it up the stairs....