Give me some dialogue from your day

[Arch]

Overheard in the street.

Mum to small boy. "I know, how about instead of a pork pie, you have a ham sandwich"
Small Boy. "No, I know what I want for lunch. Three pork pies!"
Mum. "But you can't even finish one pork pie!"

 

[ohnovino]

We've had some trouble in work getting Children in Need to pay us some money they'd promised. Today, a colleague and I were in the bank when I spotted a CiN collection tin on the counter, and so we said jokingly:

- "Hey look, maybe we should just help ourselves"
- "We might as well, we deserve it"
- "It probably won't have much money in it though"
- "Yeah, so we'll have to go around all the other shops and take theirs too"

At this point we realise the bank clerk has stopped counting money, and is trying to subtlety make eye contact with the security guard. Thankfully we were able to explain ourselves before he hit the silent alarm

 

[Night Train]

Are you adding them to your 'Pets' thread?

 

[Night Train]

While Dad was cutting my hair this afternoon...

Dad: It is a bit shorter then you usually have it.
Me: is that deliberate, or an accident?
Dad: Well, I thought if you are working on stuff you'd want it shorter and not in your face all the time....
Me: It's short, isn't it.
Dad: Yes.

 

[Arch]

While Dad was cutting my hair this afternoon...

Dad: It is a bit shorter then you usually have it.
Me: is that deliberate, or an accident?
Dad: Well, I thought if you are working on stuff you'd want it shorter and not in your face all the time....
Me: It's short, isn't it.
Dad: Yes.

Do you have ANY hair left?

 

[Night Train]

Do you have ANY hair left?

It's around 20-30mm long.

 

[Arch]

It's around 20-30mm long.

Just the one!?!

 

[Night Train]

Just the one!?!

It feels like it is!

 

[gbb]

Me to wife, during a discussion about the working day...
'I feel like i'm becoming the toilet monitor '
Wife... ' Eh ? '

Being maintenance, i get called for all sorts of reasons, leaking plumbing, broken down machinery , lighting, electrics, everything...including unblocking the freekin toilet that some dirty barsteward keeps blocking with paper, dirty dirty b'stard

Its become so regular that i can't go in the toilets now without glancing at the traps, i then instantly think, FFS, stop doing that Colin. Its become a habit , a bad one. I think i'm the toilet monitor.....therefore i am.

 

[Andrew_Culture]

Colleague at work giving me the details for a package to go to a colleague who is out on site...

"Hmm, put his job title down on the address label as Certified Universal National Technician".

 

[BigonaBianchi]

Dear Virgin Media

after at least 10 emails asking you to remove my landline you still havent even bothered to contact me. Yet you still bill me and dump limitless amounts of junkmail through my letterbox which is clearly marked no junk mail.

I am officially informing you that your so called customer service SUCKS.

Kind regards.

 

[Arch]

Colleague: Do you think we'll need Hilary*?
Me <looks into plastic sack on back of truck>: Yeah, in a bit.
Him: Coz we could do with her space up top for garden waste.
Me: Yeah, get her down and lay her across the donees** until we need her.

It occured to us that we were speaking a dialect known only to about 5 people.

*Hilary is the name of the extra bag we carry to contain plastic bottles when the main bag is full. Hilary the Auxillary.

**The donees are the the wooden beams that sit across the truck for us to hang the bags from. It's long story how they got the name...

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Please continue to hold as your call is important to us

tut

Please continue to hold as your call is important to us

gnnnn

Please continue to hold as your call is important to us

FFS

Please continue to hold as your call is important to us

TIME WASTING TOSSERS

after lord alone knows how many minutes *slams phone down*

 

[Saluki]

Customer: I want you to come and walk my dogs every day for a fortnight while I am on holiday from 20th December to 8th January but you charge extra for weekends and bank holidays.
Me: Yes I do.
Customer: I don't want to pay the rates you charge and was thinking, could I just pay you £1 a day to look after my dogs.
Me: Why don't you ring and get them in to a kennells.
Customer: Too expensive £17 per day and £34 for Xmas Day, Boxing Day and New Years Day
Me: Sounds fair to me
Customer: That's too much
Me: Well I charge £14 per day and extra for Xmas day, Boxing day and NY day.
Customer: Can't you do it for £1 a day then?
Me: No. Goodbye

 

[Saluki]

Just went on routefinder. 15.85 miles each way from mine to hers Bonkers bloody woman.