Give me some dialogue from your day

[BigonaBianchi]

O M F G...I can fit into a size 36 pair of jeans!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[defy-one]

Me: darling darling ... Guess what .
.... I'm now 13st 9lbs


Wife: you were half a stone lighter when we met!

 

[Andrew_Culture]

The cat walks into the room, stands right in front of me, lets out an enormous squeaky fart, looks disgusted, turns round and walks out the room.

Me: Thanks.

We have long hair cats - nature fitted them with a muffler.

 

[MossCommuter]

Beth Jeans Houghton : Do we have a winner of the dancing competition?
Man on sound stage : Yes, this man here
Beth Jeans Houghton : Hello, what's your name?
MossCommuter : MossCommuter
Beth Jeans Houghton : Hello MossCommuter
MossCommuter : Hi

 

[ComedyPilot]

Bloke at work to girl in office: 'How did the (hen) weekend go? You didn't do anything stupid, did you?'
Girl, 'What, like sleep with a man?' - FYI, she is a lesbian
Me, 'How is sleeping with a man stupid?'
Girl, 'Because it's rank.....'

Now imagine the furore if I were to suggest in her presence (in the work place with witnesses) that I thought 2 women sleeping together was 'Rank'?

Puzzled.com

 

[TVC]

Not dialogue, but a poster in a local pub window: "Now serving home cooked food 7 days a week, Monday to Sunday"

What happens if you're hungry on the 8th day of the week?

 

[Sandra6]

customer - I would like to return this tom tom cafter a really nice day yesterday. charger as it doesn't work.
Me - oh dear, what's wrong with it?
customer - It won't stay in the cigarette charger, it keeps popping back out and I had to wedge it in with a piece of paper.
me -right, that doesn't sound good. Let me have a look at it. (I get out the tester to see why it's not working. slot it in and it stays in, turns on and is basically perfectly alright.)
me - hmm, it seems to be working fine now. It could be a problem with your cigarette lighter.
customer - NO, there is nothing wrong with my cigarette lighter. This charger does not work.
me - Well, it fits fine here, so I would imagine the problem is within your car, not with this product.
Customer - There is nothing wrong with my car, IT'S A VOLVO (he did shout that at me)
me - ah, why didn't you say so, obviously it can't be your car if it's a volvo. Please have a full refund.
Well, that's what I said in my head. I didn't get the chance to say anything else because he slapped the desk and demanded the manager, who took much longer and used big words but basically said exactly the same thing as me, but then gave him a refund anyway.
Me to manager - We need a new refunds policy.

 

[swee'pea99]

You questioned a volvo driver? Have you no shame?

 

[fimm]

Overheard, so I have no idea of context:
"I had two broken ribs, but my dog was absolutely fine...."

 

[fimm]

Colleague: Do you know who wrote Land of Hope and Glory?
Me:The words or the music?
Him: Umm
Me: the music is by Edward Elgar, I don't know about the words.
Him: no that is wrong.
Me: I think you'll find it was Elgar.
Him (looking at the internet): no, hang on, oh, no the question was who wrote Rule Britannia?
Me: That was Thomas Arne (but you have to be a proper geek to know that).

 

[Speicher]

From yesterday

Did you find a zebra in the attic?
No, I found a chicken.

 

[Andrew_Culture]

customer - I would like to return this tom tom cafter a really nice day yesterday. charger as it doesn't work.
Me - oh dear, what's wrong with it?
customer - It won't stay in the cigarette charger, it keeps popping back out and I had to wedge it in with a piece of paper.
me -right, that doesn't sound good. Let me have a look at it. (I get out the tester to see why it's not working. slot it in and it stays in, turns on and is basically perfectly alright.)
me - hmm, it seems to be working fine now. It could be a problem with your cigarette lighter.
customer - NO, there is nothing wrong with my cigarette lighter. This charger does not work.
me - Well, it fits fine here, so I would imagine the problem is within your car, not with this product.
Customer - There is nothing wrong with my car, IT'S A VOLVO (he did shout that at me)
me - ah, why didn't you say so, obviously it can't be your car if it's a volvo. Please have a full refund.
Well, that's what I said in my head. I didn't get the chance to say anything else because he slapped the desk and demanded the manager, who took much longer and used big words but basically said exactly the same thing as me, but then gave him a refund anyway.
Me to manager - We need a new refunds policy.

Sounds like he left the cigar lighter in the socket when trying to plug this charger in!

 

[GrasB]

Sounds like he left the cigar lighter in the socket when trying to plug this charger in!

There quite often is a difference between the 12v outlets & the lighter socket. Often the 12v power only works with the engine turned on & the cigarette lighter works all the time. The lighter is then designed to not allow chargers etc. to work which prevents a device draining the battery & thus leaving the car unable to start.

 

[Night Train]

Sounds like he left the cigar lighter in the socket when trying to plug this charger in!

Or only 'borrowing' the Tom Tom for the day.
The returns fault only being an excuse to get their money back.

 

[Hilldodger]

Hello, is that Roger?, it's Jo from BBC Leicester.

Well it has been over a week since I was on........................