Give me some dialogue from your day

[gbb]

Another breakdown...
Operator to me...'will it take long'
Me...'you're not getting it back today, its fooked'
Operator...'but we're busy, we need it'
Me....'sadly that doesn't make any difference...it's fooked, and that's it.

 

[perplexed]

Me talking to me mother the other day, about the mining village we used to live in around the time of the miners stike.

Me: "It all seemed to pass reasonably quitely around us, didn't it?"
Mum: "Yes, it was well handled by the local police, but it wasn't so good in the next village..."
Me: "Why was it so different a couple of miles down the road then?"
Mum: "Well, the local police were sensitive to all the issues, but it wasn't the local police in *********..."
Me: "Who was it then?"
Mum: "It wasn't the local police, is was the Cosmopolitans..."
Me: Would that be the Metropolitan then?"
Mum: "Doh."

 

[Archie_tect]

I just wish the Metropolis had been called the Cosmopolis... then the Underground would have been the Cosmo...

 

[hoopdriver]

In helicopter as we're going up to take some aerial photographs (with the door open)

The pilot: I've never lost a photographer but my old instructor did. The photographer was't hooked up, and he forgot all about him. He went to show his buddy who was sitting next to him some neat manoeuvres and when he did the photographer, who was just getting himself set, pitched out the open door. Fortunately they were only about 25 metres above the sea.

All set? Let's go!

 

[shouldbeinbed]

Me to no one in particular seeing a girl walking out of pet shop with a cat box.

Wow, it's an owl.

Girl with owl *Tuts*

It's been a quiet day off.

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Mrs 3BM: Darling

Me: Yeeees

Mrs 3BM: Darling

Me: What?

Mrs 3BM: Sorry

Me: And?

Mrs 3BM: I won't put a Duvel glass in the dishwasher again.

Me: Groan...

 

[PaulSecteur]

Not so much dialogue, but a letter with what I think is unintended irony.

The letter is to raise awarnes of the many forms, behaviours and symptoms of dyslexia.

The letter gives a few example of dyslexia, and then says...

"If you think you may have dyslexia, then please read the following very carefully..."

 

[Archie_tect]

... on the same lines
Bottom of a letter from the bank:
"If you want to register for Braille or a spoken word cassette, please telephone 0845 xxx xxxx....."

 

[Andrew_Culture]

Moi - I've cycled 439 miles this month.

Wife - But how many of those were because you were lost?

 

[gbb]

'You B'STARD ' said the wife to me, nearly in tears, still shaking and looking all flummoxed.

We've had a mouse in the cupboard in the kitchen, its eaten through some cereal boxes, so weve had to mesh the brick vents, assuming thats where he got in.
The wife is quite nervous about them, she's paranoid they're going to come back, suggesting their annaihilation by any means possible. Just about everything in the cupboard has been thrown away and restocked.

So in a 'playful' moment, i got one of those plastic life sized squirrels out of the garden and slid it on top of one of the new cereal cartons...and waited.

KIN ELLLLLL !!!!, she opened the door, uttered something that wouldnt come out, bolted upright, looked like she was getting an electric shock, threw herself backwards and ran out of the kitchen.

Moments later, tears welling up in her eyes, heart beating like the clappers, she promised swift and terrible retribution.

I'm sorry baby, ( ), if i'd have known ( ), i'd have never done it, ( )

Ten minutes later, i'm sat in the kitchen.......PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS....
She's letting my tyres down ...AND THATS JUST THE START..she said

 

[Pat "5mph"]

That is sooooo funny, gbb. Your wife really loves you , or she would have slashed your tyres

 

[Arch]

NT and my mother were dicussing the joy of freshly applied smooth fitted sheets.

NT: the trouble is, my fitted sheet tends to ride up in the middle and cause a crease down the centre of the bed.
Me: well that's because you have such a huge bed (super kingsize). It's so big, you've got tectonic movement in the middle. Sort of like continental drift...


...as opposed to a continental quilt.

NT and my mother; <groan!><throw things at me>

 

[gbb]

I caught the wife intently looking at a damaged can of baked beans...
'A mouse couldn't dent a can ducks, stop worrying about it'

Later she said to me..
'Is two traps indoors and two under the shed enough ?'
'Jesus, its probably one mouse, not a horde of them, chill out '

Later we were talking, she said..
'I didnt sleep well last night, i dreamed there was a rat in the cupboard, i darent even go in the kitchen '

Jesus, you're obsessed woman'

 

[Octet]

...
Jesus, you're obsessed woman'

It isn't obsession, she is trying to make you feel guilty for the squirrel

 

[perplexed]

Me, returning an electrical item, 10 months old, to a well known electrical retailer...

"Hi, I need to get this looked at please, because it's developed a fault..."

Staff:" Ok sir, no problem. We haven't got another of that model, would you like a refund?"

Me: "Oh, er, yes please, thanks..."


(I was expecting an awful lot of teeth sucking, along with my item vanishing for a month whilst the "engineer" had it decorating his shelf for said period of time, as past experience had dictated... I nearly hit the floor in surprise!)