Give me some dialogue from your day

[Andrew_Culture]

Watching the woman's 10,000 metre race, my wife pointed out that 'the Peleton is catching up...'


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Sent from my bowels

 

[Ajay]

Watching the Keirin on the tv with my 8 year old today:
"Dad, what's a Dirty Bike?"

 

[Raging Squirrel]

This happened a few months ago in work talking to my mate....

Me - "have you seen how many swans are on the pond outside work, there's loads just turned up!"
Friend - "did you know swan's protect the Queen?"
Me - "Yeah.....they walk around with guns and everything!!!"
Friend - "are you taking the piss?"
Me - "I think you mean swans are protected by the queen mate, swans deffo are not a part of the
secret service patrolling around Buckingham Palace!"

 

[Night Train]

This happened a few months ago in work talking to my mate....

Me - "have you seen how many swans are on the pond outside work, there's loads just turned up!"
Friend - "did you know swan's protect the Queen?"
Me - "Yeah.....they walk around with guns and everything!!!"
Friend - "are you taking the piss?"
Me - "I think you mean swans are protected by the queen mate, swans deffo are not a part of the
secret service patrolling around Buckingham Palace!"

Trained in martial arts, they can break your arm you know!

 

[Cubist]

PCSO "Boss, have you seen that latest log for 1 **** Rise?"
Me "What's the log number?"
PCSO "1234 of yesterday."
Me (reading) " I had a fall out with my partner this afternoon and the neighbour has made nasty remarks."
PCSO "Read the third line down where the loggist has typed verbatim"
Me (reading) "He called my dog a c*nt....What the hell was that all about?"
PCSO "Well, when the neighbour tried to stop them arguing yesterday afternoon Fred shouted at him and Reg lost his temper. Fred and Reg's dog got upset by all the shouting and bit Reg. Reg then shouted at the neighbour Look what you made my dog do to me you bastard! and the neighbour shouted back well even your dog's a c*nt."
Me "So who got locked up?"
PCSO "Reg."
Me "Is he still in custody?"
PCSO "No, he's at the hospital. He was wearing his Mum's high heels and was so pissed he's fallen off them and sprained his ankle."
Me "You making a brew?"

 

[perplexed]

Wife yelling at the TV when the velodrome action is heating up:

"Come on, come ooonnn!!"
Me: "Flipping heck, it's pretty exciting!"
Wife: "God yeah, that was good!"
Me: "I'm amazed that you liked it, you hate all sports..."
Wife "Well, I do, but I must admit that was great."
Me: "I'm just pleased to find you've really enjoyed something sporting!"
Wife: "Oooh, don't tell anyone!"

 

[GrasB]

Me: *stops at some traffic lights*
Rider 1: *pulls up beside me* "Mate, you have some serious definition on your calfs" (yes the plural of juvenile cows)
Me: "Hu?"
Rider 1: "Yeah. Mate f**k me! You're like, huge!"
Me: "... my partner may take exception to that proposition"
Rider 1: *jumps the light to exit stage left*
Rider 2 sniggers:"A little surreal that"
Me sniggers: "Yeah, what a..."
Rider 2: "Green!"
we just about clear the junction before we go down because we're laughing so hard

 

[Sandra6]

daughter to me - "Is it cold outside?"
Me - "I don't know, I'm inside"
Daughter -"but you were out before"
Me - "Well four hours ago when I came in it was raining"
I don't know if that was helpful. She's gone out though. Win!

 

[Matthew_T]

Me cycling along a shared use path approaching the part where it runs along side a river. There are gates sequenced along this path to stop cows from the feild to me right escaping.
I am approaching a gate which has a feild gate on the other side. I notice that there are cows spread across the pathway and two runners are approaching the gate ahead of me.

The male runner (man and woman) runs ahead of the female and opens the gate.

Male runner: Come on, hurry up!
Female runner: I am not going through there!
MR: They are only cows, hurry up!

Me (as I pass the female): The worst they will do is poo on you!
Me (as I pass the male): Thank you.

As I am cycling away, I still hear them.

MR: Hurry up now!
FR: Get those f*cking cows out of my way!
MR: Grow a pair and just ignore them.
FR: Shut the f*ck up and get out of my way!

I didnt hear anymore as I went around the corner. I was giggling to myself for a while.

 

[vernon]

Daughter: 'Sometimes you piss me off.'

Me: 'But you're my favourite daughter' (She's my only daughter)

Daughter: 'I wish I wasn't!'

Me: Dissolves into fits of laughter.

 

[jann71]

Me: are you serving food?
Pub lady: no we've finished. What did you want?
Me: what can I have?
Pub lady: let me go check
After few mins
Pub lady: Sunday dinner
Me: roast beef? Result, that'll do nicely + diet coke.
Pub lady £5.95
Me: smile

Was marshalling at ladies mtb downhill event and last thing I wanted to do was go back to my tent and cook in pouring rain!

Sent from my HTC Desire S using Tapatalk 2

 

[Herr-B]

Daughter: Can we go to the park now?
Wife: Don't be rude, you're nana and dar (granddad) have come to see you, and they've still got a cup of tea.
Daughter: Can we go to the park now?
Wife: Don't be rude.
Daughter: PLEASE can you drink up so I can go to the park?


From dog and bone, using Tapatalk2.

 

[Octet]

My mother to me:

Mother: Put your stuff in the dish washer
Me: In a minute
Mother: But you never do

(Couple of minutes later I get up to put them in the dishwasher)

Mother: No, they don't go on that side

... a never winning situation, I try to put them in but apparently the cutlery needs to face handle down in the basket thing and not up and the plates need to go at the back and not at the front.

 

[The Brewer]

Finishing work and getting home at 8.30PM tonight, after 4 hard days of 12 hour shifts

Me: Please go and buy me cider
Mrs: Okay
Me: Thank you

 

[Andrew_Culture]

Me - general meandering boring nonsense about fine turning my cycling experience by possibly buying a bike with gears
Glorious wife - So the Triban 3 is what, £300? And the Giant Defy is £800*? So why would you get the cheap bike if you're going to end up getting rid of it to get the Giant?
Me - The Triban is a lot cheaper
Glorious wife - Yes, but how are we going to teach our daughter that saving up for things you want is good and rewarding if you get the cheaper bike?
Me - Well if buying a Giant Defy is going to make me a better parent...



*I should point out that I always round up in financial negotiations, it's better to present the most negative face then sprinkle in the joy of what turns out (in retrospect) to be a bargain.