Give me some dialogue from your day

[Theseus]

Cow-orker: <about some management directive> They are in denial about this
Me: You know what they say about denial?
Cow-orker: nope
Me: It's full of Crocodiles

<pause to allow Management-speak assesment>

... and flows through Egypt
Cow-orker: <Groan!>

 

[gbb]

At work, just fitted some 250 W HID lamps (like extra heavy duty bulbs) in one of the stores. I happen to be reading (it was a boring day) the instruction sheet that came with it....and promptly burst out laughing.
'What's so funny ?' asked a colleague..
'It says here...do not use when glass is cracked, do not cover with plastic or cloth, beware extreme temperatures when handling, do not use if cover is damages.......DO NOT USE FOR CATCHING FISH....do not..blah blah.
Eh ? fish ?, electric lamp ?....

 

[Andy_R]

At work, just fitted some 250 W HID lamps (like extra heavy duty bulbs) in one of the stores. I happen to be reading (it was a boring day) the instruction sheet that came with it....and promptly burst out laughing.
'What's so funny ?' asked a colleague..
'It says here...do not use when glass is cracked, do not cover with plastic or cloth, beware extreme temperatures when handling, do not use if cover is damages.......DO NOT USE FOR CATCHING FISH....do not..blah blah.
Eh ? fish ?, electric lamp ?....

IIRC, certain fishermen in the South China Seas go out at night and use lanterns to attract the fish - might be squid.

 

[Cubist]

Me "Mrs Beeton said to use cloves and a bouquet garni."
Mrs Cube " Oh, did you look it up in Mrs Beeton?"
Me "no Dear, she appeared to me in a vision just as I was browning the Ox tail"
Mrs Cube "Sarcastic twat."

 

[Deleted member 20519]

I was climbing this hill - https://www.google.com/maps?q=Lochf...cGMwVhlR-_UYVw9NTlv0Kw&cbp=12,167.44,,0,10.35 - it's actually really steep, the picture doesn't do it justice.

A man and his dog crossed out in front of me -

Me: Steep hill!
Him: You're the king of the mountains, you'll be in the Tour de France one day!

That gave me a wee burst of energy to get me to the top

 

[gbb]

Just leaving work, jumped on the bike and riding off as two senior members of staff shout 'cheers'.
I respond and one of them says...
'Here, Col..i'm surprised you don't wear a helmet' (genuinely, not sarcastically)
I turn back and reply...
'Nah, weathers too nice. I only have that roundabout just outside work to contend with, then miles of empty countryside.. I'm not getting hot and sweaty for the sake of one r/a....anyway,see you all tomorrow'.....and set off again.

I approached said R/A, its clear to the right, i 'm in the middle of the left lane to go straight over, just about get into the middle of the R/A lane...and a white van swoops round me and cuts straight across me to turn left, and disappears off at a great rate of knots.

'OOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIII...WANKERRRRRRRRRRRRR'.....i shouted (sounding remarkably like that taxi driver in the 'London Calling' courier race video)

Me and my big mouth. If i hadnt stopped for 20 seconds to talk at work...i'd never have been there.

 

[siadwell]

Phone conversation with my mum, where the topic has somehow got round to whether any Israeli athletes are competing.

Mum: "I haven't heard much about them this year."
Me: "I think they are there but don't have a high profile. I can't think of anything they are particularly renowned for."
Mum: "Yes, I suppose they're not good at skiing, and..."

 

[Arch]

Phone conversation with my mum, where the topic has somehow got round to whether any Israeli athletes are competing.

Mum: "I haven't heard much about them this year."
Me: "I think they are there but don't have a high profile. I can't think of anything they are particularly renowned for."
Mum: "Yes, I suppose they're not good at skiing, and..."

My colleague and I were saying yesterday, that the summer games just don't have the same danger aspect as the winter ones - luge, skiing, bobsleigh - even figure skating seems fraught with danger! (well, to me, I can barely stand up on skates!)

I guess the cyclists risk collisions, and archery could go badly wrong...

 

[Night Train]

Javelin can have its moments.

 

[Arch]

Javelin can have its moments.

True!

And pole vault, if the pole snaps...

But by and large, I think the addition of ice is always risky!

Mind you, NT and I were just discussing how equestrian rowing would work...

(that's horses rowing, not people rowing on horses...)

 

[asterix]

It'd be a night-mare.

 

[Arch]

We worked out a system of treadmill and paddlewheels, but reckoned they'd be too freaked out by going backwards...

 

[Archie_tect]

You'd have thought the least the man hit could have done would be to stagger off 20 metres or so inside the tiangle to let the competitor get an unbeatable world record....

 

[gbb]

Over the two way radio at work..
'dwayne to colin'
'go ahead dwayne'
'you lost anything'
'er no, gizza clue'
'got your wallet here'
'be right there dwayne

So I picks it up off his desk
'where was it
'toilet floor apparently'

I was in there half hour ago... Now I'm minus £120 ish.
Theiving b'stards

 

[perplexed]

After brushing my teeth for the second time within 5 minutes:

Me: Don't leave the Ibulieve gel next to the toothpaste again...