Give me some dialogue from your day

[Arch]

I just walked past a couple of my neighbours chatting on a doorstep and overheard the old chap say;

"Well, yes, did you see, even the RNIB had to get winched out by helicopter, when they got swept away".

I think, unless the RNIB have changed their remit somewhat, he meant RNLI....

 

[Hover Fly]

By the canal in Ulverston,
Mme HF, "Zose are strange sheeps, zey 'ave four 'orns."
Me, "They're Jacob's sheep."
Mme HF, "Who is Jacob, do you know 'im?"

 

[swee'pea99]

Shout from younger daughter upstairs: Dad!
Me: Hello?
YD: We need some help up here.
Me: Come on, be honest, you need some muscle.
YD: ....cheap labour.

 

[Archie_tect]

Insurance Numpty: Hello, Claims Notifications.
Me: I'm ringing on behalf of my dad as he's profoundly deaf and I need to report an accident he's had.
Insurance Numpty: That's fine I can take the details but I will need your dad's authorisation first.
Me: What do you need?
IN: Here's the Incident Reference number ..... If he could call me back on 0845 XXX XXXX quoting the incident number- he can then authorise us to liaise with you.
Me: Thanks for the information but he's deaf so he can't ring you back.
IN: Well, if you could bring him to the phone he could just confirm that I can deal with you direct.
Me: No, sorry. he's in Leeds, I'm in Newcastle... and he wouldn't be able to hear you anyway.
IN: I'm sorry there's nothing I can do unless he confirms that he's happy for me to liaise with you...
Me: I'll get him to write to you, can you take the incident details and the other party's name, insurance details and car registration in case their insurance company get in touch?
IN: Yes, I'll put them on the notes and get back to your dad if the other party put in a claim.
Me: Could you write to him to confirm this and email it to me?
IN: No, we'll just ring him to let him know what's happening.
Me: No, he's deaf....
IN: Oh... yeah.

I wish I'd just put on another voice and pretended to be my dad now... the Numpty wouldn't have known!

 

[Night Train]

Insurance Numpty: Hello, Claims Notifications.
Me: I'm ringing on behalf of my dad as he's profoundly deaf and I need to report an accident he's had.
Insurance Numpty: That's fine I can take the details but I will need your dad's authorisation first.
Me: What do you need?
....
I wish I'd just put on another voice and pretended to be my dad now... the Numpty wouldn't have known!

I used to do that for my Dad. I'd just phone and pretend to be him. Worked every time.

 

[Speicher]

Yes, I have to do that for my Mum. Make sure you have your parent's date of birth to hand, and your parent's mother's maiden name.

 

[Archie_tect]

*shocked* Your mum's birth date isn't hot-wired deep into your brain?

 

[gbb]

A voicemail left for my wife by the manager of Vision Express...the manager sounded a right 'Norman', monotone, slightly nerdy, droning voice (i'm sure im being unfair, he's probably quite a nice chap).

The message was long...it droned on and on...and at one point i nearly spat my tea out as he said...
'my apologies for the ineptitude of my staff...blah blah blah...'

Ineptitude is such a lovely word , i appreciated his candour, something of a rarity nowadays.

 

[MossCommuter]

"He might be a racist and a bigot but he does make bloody good marmalade"

 

[Night Train]

"I decided to wash my hands in warm water today."

My Dad just prior to giving me an injection this evening.

 

[NotthatJasonKenny]

Whilst interviewing a potential new salesman I asked him his weakness, he replied "I probably fanny around a bit too much".

Next!

 

[MossCommuter]

Me: "Hi - nice bike"
Random Stranger: "Thanks"
Me: "How long have you had it, it looks brand new"
Random Stranger: "Yeah it is, I only got it 20 minutes ago"
Me: "Wow! Cool... oh, and a Single Speed too... is it fixed?"
Random Stranger: "Fixed? No! Why would it need fixing, I only got it 20 minutes ago"
Me:

 

[BigonaBianchi]

me ...

USA ...2 days and counting....

inner me

Holy crap yippee oh my god yeehaw wtf go for it what the heck .

 

[defy-one]

"We're posting your c2w voucher today,so you should receive it tommorow or Friday"

(in my head ) Woooo hoooooo yes get-in sorted Ace

"thats great,thankyou for chasing it up"


Sent from my GT-I9100

 

[Landslide]

"Are you here to look at the Peregrine falcons?"
As I was looking up at this:
http://sheffieldperegrines.wordpress.com/