Give me some dialogue from your day

[Pat "5mph"]

to myself, on my commute, stopped at cycle traffic light:

Ohhh, how cute, look at the guy across, he's trailing his baby in a carrier, hope the baby is not cold and wet, he better not jump the red light, what a weather to get a baby out in a trailer... if he jumps that light I'm gonna give him a look, let me see if I can glimpse at the baby, maybe he's sleeping?
Guy jumps the red light.
I give him A LOOK.
He's carrying a video recorder in the trailer, no baby.

 

[Pat "5mph"]

At lbs:
customer to lbs man:
is my bike ready, you gotta give me my bike back, I need my bike, had to take the bus, it's a nightmare, I asked what bus number do I take, they tell me 46, it does not go where I want to go, I had to wait ages, it's a nightmare, is my bike ready, you gotta give me my bike back!
me to customer:
well, you know John, you need to have 2 bikes, one to use until he decides to give you your other one back
customer to me:
I'VE GOT 2 BIKES, HE'S WORKING ON BOTH

 

[Hacienda71]

Me: Tw*t barsteward tw*t barsteward (in time with the turning cranks)
Man in car parked at top of windy climb in the Pennines said nothing but looked

 

[subaqua]

Two? This is the exact sort of reason why you need at least six.

n+1 suits me fine

 

[alans]

At 0930 this morning,on site doing a pre-tender survey....

Client; Can you do the price for the weekend?
Me: This weekend?
Client ; Yes
Me Yes

as I drive back to the office/home I'm thinking
FFS you've had this info since last Tuesday you bastard

 

[Slioch]

On a bus in Glasgow, going to work. Two girls sat in front of me.

Girl Number 1: So I turned to him and I said "you take that thing out of my body right now"

 

[subaqua]

At 0930 this morning,on site doing a pre-tender survey....

Client; Can you do the price for the weekend?
Me: This weekend?
Client ; Yes
Me Yes

as I drive back to the office/home I'm thinking
FFS you've had this info since last Tuesday you bastard

have a client who gives the official instructions about 3 days before the work , generally 5 days work, has to be complete. have been working at risk for a few weeks on a largish part knowing that if didn't start , wouldn't be done ready for security lockdown next month.

the comitee couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery never mind what they are supposed to be the committee for organising

 

[Crackle]

Me: "I've found the problem"
Mrs C: "Really, what is it?"
Me: "Come and have a look"
Mrs C: peering, "where, I can't see anything"
Me: "Look"
Mrs C: "Just tell me, I can't see anything"
Me: "It's a rat"
Mrs C: "Eeeuuuurggghhhh" and retreats "Is it dead then?"
me: "well it's not moving"
Mrs C: "What are you going to do with it?"
Me: "Well I was going to leave it there to continue to fester and smell for the next few months. What do you think I'm going to do with it!"
Mrs C: "I'll get some gloves for you, don't touch it"

Some time later

Mrs C: "Was it decomposed?"
me: "Not that I could see"
Mrs C: "slimy?"
me: "Not particularly"
Mrs C: "Didn't you look!"
Me: "Not really, no. It was dead, had a BO problem and was grossing me out a bit. I just put it in the bag and got rid. It's in the bin if you want to go and conduct a post mortem"
Mrs C: "what about it's eyes?"
Me: "FFS, it's in the bin! I refuse to go into any more detail about the damn thing"

Son no2 arrives

son no2: "Hey dad where's the rat?"
Me: "It's in a bag in the bin"
Son no2: Distant shouting from bin "Oh dad that's gross and it's huge. It stinks"
me: "Why don't you shout a bit louder, I don't think two doors away heard you"
Son no2: "I'm going to tell my mates on skype"
me: "Oh right, tell the internet too", shouting after him, "We might make the news tonight at this rate"

 

[Melonfish]

Son #1 at 06:23 this morning: Dad how do you spell 'Contaminate'
Me: whut? er, Badly...
tbf i had just woken up...


we recieved a job through the other day that simply read "Hi, I am an apple"
i think he meant to say apple mac user. but must have gotten either bored or confused and hit enter.

 

[Arch]

Son #1 at 06:23 this morning: Dad how do you spell 'Contaminate'
Me: whut? er, Badly...
tbf i had just woken up...


we recieved a job through the other day that simply read "Hi, I am an apple"
i think he meant to say apple mac user. but must have gotten either bored or confused and hit enter.

You can talk, with your user name, Melon.

 

[jonny jeez]

not really dialogue but I stumbled across this today whilst shopping for a new motorbike. I have no idea what this actually says.

"Will it revolutionize the category of mid-displacement trails? It’s possible. This bike comes with also a step ahead if we take into account its relevance to the future reform of the European who helped set a limit to 35 kilowatts for beginners Category A2 from January 2013. The NC700X opens the opportunity for a brand new engine block, which relies on arguments unusual for the genre motorcyclist design taking into account the reform of the permit, ultra low average fuel consumption, driveability, accreditation-like current; performance general, often rely forward in all arguments, then move into the background. Orientation “motomaubile” would it intended to appeal especially … “motomobilistes” or bikers as motorists? So, failing to find him a true rival front that does not exist yet, we have chosen to oppose the Honda NC700X neither more nor less than the reference time in mid-displacement road trails: the new ​

Suzuki DL650 V-Strom 2012"​

errr... what-now?​

​

​

 

[gbb]

Setting the scene...
My wife has been ordering items off ebay...quite a lot of items . Its no problem, there's been a bit of mickey taking between us.
Hardly a day goes by when two or three packages turn up...

So she says to me tonight..
'awww, i hav'nt had any parcels for a few days now'
I replied..
'not bloody surprised, i should think the posties off with a bad back, the amount of stuff the poor fellas had to carry lately'

Ho ho !!! got her...

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Dad, can we have Highway to Hell on the stereo?

 

[Andrew_Culture]

'It's a metal riff in a'

ok mate...a you say...

yeah a

ok..

thats in e

yeah...a

no e

oh you said a

I know

not e

yeah

ok a then

ok

....thats e

is it?

oh F F S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Every band practice ever!

 

[Andrew_Culture]

I was trying to explain bib shorts to my wife, to which she replied 'Oh, like Borat's mankini...'