Give me some dialogue from your day

[Andy_R]

Jake(8yrs): Dad
Me(42yrs and should know better by now):What?
Jake: Stinks!
Me: Groan.....

 

[Matthew_T]

On the phone to Student Finance Wales:

me: Hello, I've been told I can apply for finance through the internet
Lady: Yep, all you need to do is log on with the details we gave you when you originally applied
me: Sorry, I never had any details to log onto anything online
Lady: No problem, Ill just pass you on to someone who can help you with that

5 Minute wait with that god awful music they insist on playing when your on hold

man: Hello, how can I help
me: I need to set up my online account
man: Ok, I just need your online account password and I'll reset your information
me: ... ... You've got to be kidding me?

A college peer of mine went on the phone to SFW just before the half term. Me and him were the only ones in the room.
Whilst he was on the phone, I decided it would be amusing to get up videos of cyclists falling over on Youtube (he is into MTB and Motorbike stunts).

We watch the one where a cyclist is pushed off a bridge and he instantly starts laughing out loud. Then he suddenly keeps appologising to the guy on the other end of the line and has to leave the room.

He later comes in and throws me out of a window.

 

[Night Train]

Arch: "You've done that area all wrong! You've done it wrong!"
Me:

Given it was about 3.30am and we were both in bed neither of us have any idea what that was about.

 

[redcard]

[QUOTE 1806861, member: 45"]Those shelving units over there were £25 on Saturday and the sign said "when it's gone, it's gone". Well they're still there, but now they're £35.[/quote]

Kinda like those "Everything Must Go" signs.

"Well, there's 5 minutes till closing and it's still there, can we just take it for free?"

 

[GrasB]

Me (after hearing our temp is leaving tomorrow after lunch): So you didn't to apply for your post full time?
Temp: No, it's not really what I want to be doing plus I really don't want to spend my lunchtime with loserers
Me: Ahh... shame to see you go though.
AN Other member of the admin team: Yeah some of those girls up stairs are real whiny losers
Temp: I was including YOU in the group of losers.
AN Other member of the admin team *glare*.

 

[Crackle]

Mrs Crackle: "I've made some humus""
Me: Tastes, "Yee God's, that's awful!"
Mrs Crackle: "It's a low cal version"
Sometime later
Mrs Crackle: "This is growing on me"
Me: "That stuff would grow on anything..."

 

[gbb]

'You had tea Andy ?'.... i said to my son as i came in the house, thinking about having my sweet n sour chicken, donated by a lorry driver yesterday. He gave me two...one i gave to my son for work at lunchtime.
'Yes thanks, i just had the other sweet n sour'

'The OTHER sweet n sour ?...youve had both ? '
'Oh, i'm really sorry, i didnt realise you were going to have it for tea

'grumble, grumble, moan, mutter '

 

[gbb]

As told to me by my son...
There's a fella at work, dead skinny, a bit wierd, he gets all excited and wide eyes if he's telling you something...but a nice, no harm kinda guy...
So they're all yakking and skinny guy suddenly gets all excited and pipes up...
'I'm having a tribble tommorrow'

'Eh, a tribble ? what the hell are you talking about

'A tribble, i'm getting one after work tomorrow !!!'

They all looked at each other, my son said to him 'Danny, what the hells a tribble ?'

'You get it at a tatoo place'

'Danny, you mean a tribal

'oh, errr......yeah'

 

[subaqua]

i was walking home from swimming pool with my youngest boy 4 , he was fascinated by the birds on the grass bank. I wasn't 100% if they were starlings.

A: look at the birdies Daddy
Me: yes they are having a good feed, i think the birdies are starlings
A I like them birdies.
Me: we need to get a big book of british birds to look at
A: Daddy, you can have my pocket money to buy the book .

I just melted at this point. such a generous boy he is. soooo proud

 

[gbb]

And mine today...with an all too familiar ring to it if you're talking to someone who doesnt understand why people cycle...
Hulking great manager says to me...
'You cycle all the way ? (its 21 miles, no i dont)
'No, i drive with the bike in the boot, park up in a village then cycle 7.5 miles here.
'You get in the car, then park up and get on a bike to do the rest ' , (with a heavy dollop of disbelief in his voice...once you're in the car, why would you get out and subject yourself to physical hardship was what he really meant)
'Yup'

I'm obviously stark staring mad judging by his reaction..
He walked off shaking his head

 

[TVC]

A simple one line quote from yesterday, but I need to set the scene:

Mrs VC and I were walking across Leicester city centre yesterday evening on our way to a nice Chinese meal*

As we passed the local Weatherspoons** the door was being propped up by the fragrant Hayley - hair scraped back so tight she had a permanent squint, roll-up hanging from her mouth, and belly escaping from the gap between her t-shirt and leggings. Adjacent to Hayley was a pool of vomit blocking most of the footpath. About five yards further on there was another small lake of part digested lager spilling over into the gutter. Sitting in the middle of this pond was a slightly poorly gentleman looking downwards through his knees. This sad sole was being comforted by his highly intoxicated friend who, just as we passed, looked up towards the door of the ale house and exclaimed the following:

"Oi! 'Ayley, his teef 'av gone down the drain"



* For Leicesterites, The Peking, Charles Street - starting to look a bit shabby but the food remains excellent.
** For Leicesterites, The Last Plantagenet, Granby Street

 

[subaqua]

peanut friend of next door neighbour at 04.40 am - ( in an irish - i think dublin- accent) we are workin men an its bank holiday an we are relaxing.
me- i asked you nicely at 1.30 am to keep the noise down, its now nearly 5am I also work and i like to relax . be warned my kids will be awake properly in about an hour and i won't be asking them to be quiet for the neighbours like i normally would.

 

[gbb]

Me to self....
'Owwwwww , FFS you stupid (expletive deleted) plank'

I'm using a disc cutter to shorten some screws. Holding the screw on the bench in grips, then cutting with the disc cutter. But...the screw head flew off like a bullet into the soft flesh of my inner thigh, i may as well have shot myself with an air rifle. Only glad it wasnt a few inches higher Thank the lord for heavy duty overalls, the material must have absorbed a lot of the impact,

Sometimes you cut corners and get away with it so many times, you forget the dangers. No great disaster today, just a short painful reminder...be careful.

 

[BigonaBianchi]

'It's a metal riff in a'

ok mate...a you say...

yeah a

ok..

thats in e

yeah...a

no e

oh you said a

I know

not e

yeah

ok a then

ok

....thats e

is it?

oh F F S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[perplexed]

At home, following a visit to the new Hepworth Gallery in Wakefield...

Me: I quite liked some of the paintings in the second gallery. Mind you, I could have done with my glasses...

Mrs. P: Why, your eyes are really good?

Me: Yeah, it's just that I wanted to look at some of the detail really close up, but it got a bit blurry...

Mrs. P: Oh, I could have done with mine too really...

Me: Why, couldn't you see the fine details either?

Mrs. P: Oh no, I couldn't read the menu properly in the cafe...