Give me some dialogue from your day

[BigonaBianchi]

Me to posty as i open the door...
" Hi...oh great,my new laptop!"

Posty...
" yep...now you can play with it all day long"

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Are bees just heads?

 

[rodgy-dodge]

Husband went along with son to look at a camper van the other night...

Husband: "Mark do you have any mints in this car?"

Mark: "No"

Husband: "why"

Mark: "because I'm not 50"

 

[cyberknight]

Nurse... take your top off and pull your trousers down.......


Ooh wait not some fantasy but a hernia examination

 

[biggs682]

darling i am off to just below Oxford to pick a bike up upon my return 2.5 hrs later how was cambridge !

 

[Sara_H]

Son - "Mum, why does it say over 18's only on that Sauna's door?"

Me - "Because naughty men go there and pay to look at ladies without any clothes on."

Son - " Why would they want to do that? "

 

[hotfuzzrj]

"How about I use it [a bottle of wine seized off An Unfortunate] to clean your urine off the wall..?"

 

[LiteratureGeek]

Customer: "Excuse me, can I have any 2 cakes for £1.50? The ones with the tickets saying 'any 2 for £1.50'

Me "Yes, any two with that ticket."

Customer: 'So, I can have one fruit cake and one chocolate cake?'

 

[gbb]

Personally i can't stand bigheads, people who blow their own trumpet and can't wait to take the p1ss out of someone who's made a mistake..there's one in every workplace.
After a mess up with a cement mix on a building by a builder...said bighead was mixing some cement himself....
Bighead to me...........'you wanna see how cement should be mixed ?'
Me........................'Can't say i'm THAT bothered if i'm honest '
Other attendant guy....'[stifled snigger]..

 

[cyberknight]

twunt at work .."cyclists domn`t pay road tax "
me "neither do you VED etc etc "
twunt " cyclists shouldnt race on the road we cant"
me ?
twunt" time trials on roads should not be allowed its racing "
me .. who are they racing ? are they speeding ?.....

etc etc ...complete knuckle dragger.

 

[Profpointy]

[QUOTE 1787673, member: 45"]"Can I help you?"

"Yes, a bacon roll and a white coffee please."

"Butter and sauce on the roll?"

"No thanks"

"Do you want butter?"

"No thanks"

"Sauce?"

"No thanks"[/quote]

That's perfectly logical set of questions. Having refused "butter AND sauce" still necessary to detrmine if you want butter OR sauce. Of course, could have asked "butter?" then "sauce?" avoiding the need for the "and" question, but if most people want both, and as a professional bacon buttie seller, they probably know this, asking the standard question first is sensible.

Substitute tea as the product, then "milk & sugar?" ....

It's all your fault, should have said "neither" to q1 !


....I'll ge me coat

 

[perplexed]

Wife: Ha, listen to this tune, see if you recognise it...

(wife plays tune on her instrument...)

Me: Hmm, yes, its familiar but I can't place it, what is it?

Wife: I don't know...

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Daddy, are we still on the underground train?

No

What's this one called then?

A train

 

[rollinstok]

In the pub to watch Liverpool v Everton in the semi-final
Bog at half time, then come out to see every TV frozen on some shampoo advert
Everyone's flapping behind the bar to restore ESPN as people walk out by the second
Grab my opportunity to sit at a prime position and watch the mighty reds reach the final... Yesss
Sorry... I've had a few !!

 

[Ethan]

On the phone to Student Finance Wales:

me: Hello, I've been told I can apply for finance through the internet
Lady: Yep, all you need to do is log on with the details we gave you when you originally applied
me: Sorry, I never had any details to log onto anything online
Lady: No problem, Ill just pass you on to someone who can help you with that

5 Minute wait with that god awful music they insist on playing when your on hold

man: Hello, how can I help
me: I need to set up my online account
man: Ok, I just need your online account password and I'll reset your information
me: ... ... You've got to be kidding me?