Archie_tect
De Skieven Architek... aka Penfold + Horace
- Location
- Northumberland
Cubist hasn't yet appreciated it was the Spook who remotely wiped his hard drive in the first place...
Give me some dialogue from your day
- Thread starter Crackle
- Start date
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Archie_tect
De Skieven Architek... aka Penfold + Horace
- Location
- Northumberland
Me: Any objections to the planning application?
Planner: No.
Me: So can it be approved under delegated powers?
Planner: No, it's recommended for refusal.
Me: Why? ... you agreed it was fine at our pre-application meetings and your urban designer's written to say they're happy with it and that it fits in well.
Planner: Yes
Me: So what's the problem?
Planner: It's too big and the rear bedrooms overlook the neighbour's garden.
Me: Why are you raising this now after months of negotiations? Your minimum distance for overlooking from a habitable room to a neighbour's habitable room is 21m...
Planner: Yes
Me: ...this is 26 metres away.
Planner: Yes
Me: There isn't a set distance for overlooking a rear garden...
Planner: No
Me: ...and the back elevation is 16 metres away from the neighbour's garden fence anyway...
Planner: Yes
Me: Beside which everybody can see into everyone else's garden from upstairs if they choose to.
Planner: Yes
Me: So where is the issue?
Planner: Well, my manager thinks it's too intrusive.
Me: You have a manager now?
Planner: Yes
Me: May I see him/her?
Planner: OK
Manager: It's too intrusive.
Me: How?
Manager: The ridge is too high and it's overlooking the neighbour's garden.
Me: But they've not objected and it's lower than the existing house's ridge- look at the levels on the drawing- we've kept below the maximum ridge height agreed on the previous approval.
Manager: There's a maximum height set on a previous approval?
Me: Yes it's in the Design and Access Statement and on the cross section.
Manager: Oh yes.
Me: So are you happy that it's OK?
Manager: OK, can you change the colour of the roof tiles.
Me: ? But it's a slate roof.
Manager: Slate?
Me: It's on the application form and the elevations.
Manager: Oh yes, well that's OK then.
Me: You'll approve it under delegated powers then?
Manager: I'll sign it off next week.... [walks off]
Me: Had he looked at the drawings?
Planner: [shrugs]
[Week later] Me: Has the permission be sent out ?
Planner: The manager's on holiday for 2 weeks,.
Me: Did he sign off the application before he went?
Planner: Don't know, I'll check... No.
Me: Can anyone else do it?
Planner: No.
[2 weeks later] Me: Has the permission been sent out?
Planner: No, the manager's just back from holiday and is giving evidence at an appeal this week....
Me: Is ther anything you can do... does he have a boss that can sign it off?
Planner: No
Me: So we just have to wait? What happens if he's off for months?
Planner: We'd have to cover for him
Me: Is anyone covering while he's not available now?
Planner: No.
Planner: No.
Me: So can it be approved under delegated powers?
Planner: No, it's recommended for refusal.
Me: Why? ... you agreed it was fine at our pre-application meetings and your urban designer's written to say they're happy with it and that it fits in well.
Planner: Yes
Me: So what's the problem?
Planner: It's too big and the rear bedrooms overlook the neighbour's garden.
Me: Why are you raising this now after months of negotiations? Your minimum distance for overlooking from a habitable room to a neighbour's habitable room is 21m...
Planner: Yes
Me: ...this is 26 metres away.
Planner: Yes
Me: There isn't a set distance for overlooking a rear garden...
Planner: No
Me: ...and the back elevation is 16 metres away from the neighbour's garden fence anyway...
Planner: Yes
Me: Beside which everybody can see into everyone else's garden from upstairs if they choose to.
Planner: Yes
Me: So where is the issue?
Planner: Well, my manager thinks it's too intrusive.
Me: You have a manager now?
Planner: Yes
Me: May I see him/her?
Planner: OK
Manager: It's too intrusive.
Me: How?
Manager: The ridge is too high and it's overlooking the neighbour's garden.
Me: But they've not objected and it's lower than the existing house's ridge- look at the levels on the drawing- we've kept below the maximum ridge height agreed on the previous approval.
Manager: There's a maximum height set on a previous approval?
Me: Yes it's in the Design and Access Statement and on the cross section.
Manager: Oh yes.
Me: So are you happy that it's OK?
Manager: OK, can you change the colour of the roof tiles.
Me: ? But it's a slate roof.
Manager: Slate?
Me: It's on the application form and the elevations.
Manager: Oh yes, well that's OK then.
Me: You'll approve it under delegated powers then?
Manager: I'll sign it off next week.... [walks off]
Me: Had he looked at the drawings?
Planner: [shrugs]
[Week later] Me: Has the permission be sent out ?
Planner: The manager's on holiday for 2 weeks,.
Me: Did he sign off the application before he went?
Planner: Don't know, I'll check... No.
Me: Can anyone else do it?
Planner: No.
[2 weeks later] Me: Has the permission been sent out?
Planner: No, the manager's just back from holiday and is giving evidence at an appeal this week....
Me: Is ther anything you can do... does he have a boss that can sign it off?
Planner: No
Me: So we just have to wait? What happens if he's off for months?
Planner: We'd have to cover for him
Me: Is anyone covering while he's not available now?
Planner: No.
Arch
Married to Night Train
- Location
- Salford, UK
Lady in Claremont Terrace: Oh, thank you for that lid for my recycling box you brought last week.
Me: No problem,
Lady: Would you like a hot drink. Or a cold drink?
Me: (sweltering, but keen to get on as it's nearly lunchtime) No thank you.
Lady to my workmate: Would you like a drink?
Workmate: no thanks.
Lady: ok.
Halfway down the street I look up and she's walking as fast as she can, carrying a small cup in each hand. She presents us each with cup, containing water, an ice cube and a little slice of lemon,
Lady: You looked so hot!
Us: well ok, thank you, that's very kind.
Lady: Don't feel you have to drink it all...
Us: glug glug glug Thankyou, that was very kind.
Lady: Well you looked so hot!
She disappears back up the street.
Workmate to me: Is it just me, or did that taste ever so slightly of garlic?
Me: Oh, that's what it was....
Me: No problem,
Lady: Would you like a hot drink. Or a cold drink?
Me: (sweltering, but keen to get on as it's nearly lunchtime) No thank you.
Lady to my workmate: Would you like a drink?
Workmate: no thanks.
Lady: ok.
Halfway down the street I look up and she's walking as fast as she can, carrying a small cup in each hand. She presents us each with cup, containing water, an ice cube and a little slice of lemon,
Lady: You looked so hot!
Us: well ok, thank you, that's very kind.
Lady: Don't feel you have to drink it all...
Us: glug glug glug Thankyou, that was very kind.
Lady: Well you looked so hot!
She disappears back up the street.
Workmate to me: Is it just me, or did that taste ever so slightly of garlic?
Me: Oh, that's what it was....
Arch
Married to Night Train
- Location
- Salford, UK
Oh, I'm going to call them string onions from now! 
Cubist
Still wavin'
- Location
- Ovver 'thill
Cubester:"It's a funny shape and it looks swollen."
Me: "looks like it could be broken. Can you bend it?"
Cubester "Yes, but it hurts a lot."
Me: "Do you want to get it X-rayed? I can take you to casualty."
Cubester. "But they'd tell me not to play for weeks, so no way."
Me "Suit yourself. I'll strap it up for you if you want."
Cubester. "Ok"
that evening
Me "You took the strapping off."
Cubester "I couldn't pick the shot up with it on."
Me "How did you get on?"
Cubester " I came second"
Me "What about Cubette?"
Cubester." She came second too, but trust me, she was beaten by a lass with proper full-on testicles."
Me. "Do you want me to strap your fingers up for rugby training?"
Cubester "Any more chicken?"
Me: "looks like it could be broken. Can you bend it?"
Cubester "Yes, but it hurts a lot."
Me: "Do you want to get it X-rayed? I can take you to casualty."
Cubester. "But they'd tell me not to play for weeks, so no way."
Me "Suit yourself. I'll strap it up for you if you want."
Cubester. "Ok"
that evening
Me "You took the strapping off."
Cubester "I couldn't pick the shot up with it on."
Me "How did you get on?"
Cubester " I came second"
Me "What about Cubette?"
Cubester." She came second too, but trust me, she was beaten by a lass with proper full-on testicles."
Me. "Do you want me to strap your fingers up for rugby training?"
Cubester "Any more chicken?"
phil_hg_uk
I am not a member, I am a free man !!!!!!
Oh, I'm going to call them string onions from now!
Are you going to have them with scrabbled eggs
stowie
Legendary Member
Little Stowie (3.5yrs old daughter) and me on a packed bus. We are sitting down, and standing in front of us is a man mountain with a truly impressive beer belly.
Little Stowie (loudly) : That mans tummy is very big Daddy.
Me : Shh, shall I read your book to you?
Diversionary tactic doesn't work
Little Stowie : He's got a huge (arms out wide to emphasise) tummy. Is that because he has a baby in it Daddy?
I see the shoulders of passengers in front of me shaking with laughter. Man mountain looking slightly less impressed.
Me : No, now let's see what we can see out of the window
Little Stowie : Well, what I really want to see is that man's baby in his tummy.
Me (starting to die of embarrassment) : Shhh, don't talk about people like that, it isn't polite.
Little Stowie : I only want to see the baby daddy.
Me (panicking) : Stop talking about babies and tummies and read your book.
Little Stowie : But, but I like babies (starts to sob), and I only wanted to see his baby in his tummy.
Cue much loud sobbing and talk about liking babies for the rest of the 3 minute journey which seemed to last for hours. Man Mountain moved to another part of the bus.
Little Stowie (loudly) : That mans tummy is very big Daddy.
Me : Shh, shall I read your book to you?
Diversionary tactic doesn't work
Little Stowie : He's got a huge (arms out wide to emphasise) tummy. Is that because he has a baby in it Daddy?
I see the shoulders of passengers in front of me shaking with laughter. Man mountain looking slightly less impressed.
Me : No, now let's see what we can see out of the window
Little Stowie : Well, what I really want to see is that man's baby in his tummy.
Me (starting to die of embarrassment) : Shhh, don't talk about people like that, it isn't polite.
Little Stowie : I only want to see the baby daddy.
Me (panicking) : Stop talking about babies and tummies and read your book.
Little Stowie : But, but I like babies (starts to sob), and I only wanted to see his baby in his tummy.
Cue much loud sobbing and talk about liking babies for the rest of the 3 minute journey which seemed to last for hours. Man Mountain moved to another part of the bus.
Cubist
Still wavin'
- Location
- Ovver 'thill
GrasB
Veteran
- Location
- Nr Cambridge
windows tech (fem): "the command `whichuser` doesn't work"
me: "new install?"
wt: "yes"
me: "er, try `yum install finger`"
wt:
"okaayyyyy... that works" akward pause "when spoken it sounds soo wrong!"
me: "new install?"
wt: "yes"
me: "er, try `yum install finger`"
wt:
"okaayyyyy... that works" akward pause "when spoken it sounds soo wrong!"
Cubist
Still wavin'
- Location
- Ovver 'thill
Me"Hello"
Voice "Hello, Mr May?"
Me "No"
Voice "Can I speak with Mr May please?"
Me "Not on this number, no."
Voice, "sorry, wrong number."
Click buzzzzzzzz
3 seconds later
Me "Hello?"
Same voice "Can I speak with Mr Cubist please?"
Me "Yes"
Voice "Hello I;'m calling from Safestyle UK customer service. We did some windows for you a while back, are you happy with them?"
Me "No you didn't."
Voice "Errrr, oh, was it the doors?"
Me "You tell me, you're the one with the records in front of you! You rang a minute ago and called me Mr May, you were reading the date weren't you!"
Voice, "Oh yeah, sorry, I'm not having a great day."
Me "It ain't gonna get any better either."
Click buzzzzzzzzzzzz
(to put this in context, Safetsyle UK, or their subcontractors have phoned me about every five weeks since fitting me two doors two years ago. They're great doors, apart from the one that doesn't work very well, but they ALWAYS ask me if I'm happy with the windows they fitted)
Voice "Hello, Mr May?"
Me "No"
Voice "Can I speak with Mr May please?"
Me "Not on this number, no."
Voice, "sorry, wrong number."
Click buzzzzzzzz
3 seconds later
Me "Hello?"
Same voice "Can I speak with Mr Cubist please?"
Me "Yes"
Voice "Hello I;'m calling from Safestyle UK customer service. We did some windows for you a while back, are you happy with them?"
Me "No you didn't."
Voice "Errrr, oh, was it the doors?"
Me "You tell me, you're the one with the records in front of you! You rang a minute ago and called me Mr May, you were reading the date weren't you!"
Voice, "Oh yeah, sorry, I'm not having a great day."
Me "It ain't gonna get any better either."
Click buzzzzzzzzzzzz
(to put this in context, Safetsyle UK, or their subcontractors have phoned me about every five weeks since fitting me two doors two years ago. They're great doors, apart from the one that doesn't work very well, but they ALWAYS ask me if I'm happy with the windows they fitted)
Andy_R
Hard of hearing..I said Herd of Herring..oh FFS..
- Location
- County Durham
Me: Urgghhhh...oocha..(general groan etc. noises made whilst standing up)
Jake: Why's dad making so much noise when he stands up Mum?
Mrs: Because he's getting old.
Jake: But he's still got 60 years 'til he reaches a hundred
Me: Cheeky!
Jake: Why's dad making so much noise when he stands up Mum?
Mrs: Because he's getting old.
Jake: But he's still got 60 years 'til he reaches a hundred
Me: Cheeky!
subaqua
What’s the point
- Location
- Leytonstone
on the way home from youngests nursery stopped at the lights behind a
bloke in Convertibl BMW playing damn fine music after he passed me by putting his car almost on the kerb on the other side o the road
Bloke: wow dat is da coolist ting i ever seen
me- Yeah the boy loves it
Bloke: you take care of him deres sum ijits on da roads.
Me cheers matey
all because i had the boy on his bike on the trailgator. got some really admiring looks from some of the sexy mums in very revealing summer clothes collecting their sprogs from nursery too. I LOVE THE WARM WEATHER
bloke in Convertibl BMW playing damn fine music after he passed me by putting his car almost on the kerb on the other side o the road
Bloke: wow dat is da coolist ting i ever seen
me- Yeah the boy loves it
Bloke: you take care of him deres sum ijits on da roads.
Me cheers matey
all because i had the boy on his bike on the trailgator. got some really admiring looks from some of the sexy mums in very revealing summer clothes collecting their sprogs from nursery too. I LOVE THE WARM WEATHER
BigonaBianchi
Yes I can, Yes I am, Yes I did...Repeat.
- Location
- Iskele TRNC & Mordor UK
Do you mind me sitting on your knee while i order a drink?
Erm...
Cool....I'm Bi Bye the way and this is my new girlfriend for tonight..
oh hello...
Erm...
Cool....I'm Bi Bye the way and this is my new girlfriend for tonight..
oh hello...
