Give me some dialogue from your day

[GrasB]

Him: (laughing) You cyclists are nuts. Completely nuts. You're all the ruddy same.

Your phyiso is right though we just want to

 

[GrumpyGregry]

U14's Captain "Do you think he's a knob as well?"

Someone needs a lesson in referee management. Start now, by the time he gets to senior rugby he'll be a tidy captain.

Funny how refs who penalise stuff are always knobs. Especially in the eyes of teenagers who most probably have never reffed a game in thiei lives and think they are allowed to tell the ref how to ref the game and what to ping. Of course, if he wasn't a society referee he probably was a knob... most club refs give me indigestion.

 

[Cubist]

Someone needs a lesson in referee management. Start now, by the time he gets to senior rugby he'll be a tidy captain.

Funny how refs who penalise stuff are always knobs. Especially in the eyes of teenagers who most probably have never reffed a game in thiei lives and think they are allowed to tell the ref how to ref the game and what to ping. Of course, if he wasn't a society referee he probably was a knob... most club refs give me indigestion.

No, they accept a ref that consistently makes decisions that affect both sides. Our lot have it drilled into them to keep onside at the breakdown and to ruck properly and legally. This particular ref "missed" the fact that the opposition had apparently been coached to kill the ball every tackle by lying on the wrong side and he allowed their 3/4s to live offside for the whole match. The lads find it frustrating if what they have spent time and trouble learning is rendered ineffective by basic cheating, and they consider it's the ref's responsibility to prevent cheats from gaining possession unlawfully. He was a society ref, this was a Yorks Cup fixture. We used the example to teach them to play the ref better, and to make sure they understand that a 40 year old doesn't like being told how to do his job by a 14 year old!

 

[Cubist]

It's the law. Accept that you are better off learning it.

But be assured that if there's any suspicion that you actually know any of the laws they will be changed immediately.

 

[GrumpyGregry]

No, they accept a ref that consistently makes decisions that affect both sides. Our lot have it drilled into them to keep onside at the breakdown and to ruck properly and legally. This particular ref "missed" the fact that the opposition had apparently been coached to kill the ball every tackle by lying on the wrong side and he allowed their 3/4s to live offside for the whole match. The lads find it frustrating if what they have spent time and trouble learning is rendered ineffective by basic cheating, and they consider it's the ref's responsibility to prevent cheats from gaining possession unlawfully. He was a society ref, this was a Yorks Cup fixture. We used the example to teach them to play the ref better, and to make sure they understand that a 40 year old doesn't like being told how to do his job by a 14 year old!

have you conveyed your concerns to the society? otherwise others will get the same treatment. Don't know how yorks do feedback. such a performance in Sussex would have had a phone ringing somewhere.

I'm surprised that a society ref, given the amount of observation/assessment that goes on, would be allowed to officiate in any game of any importance with such weaknesses in his basic skills. Odd too that he should manifest them only in respect one side and not the other, though you may have coached it out of your lads (see below) Clearly Yorkshire do it differently to Sussex. Of course he may be a noob just out of ELRA doing U14's cos the society don't think the game/or him worthy of anything better.

Now I'll commit referee heresy.... Playing to the ref cuts both ways. If the man can't ref the breakdown properly and is rubbish at spotting 3/4's off-side (not always material but honestly materiality shouldn't enter into age grade rugby) why aren't you coaching your players to be streetwise enough to exploit that? Cynical moi? as an ex-coach you bet your life.

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Me: Really naffs me off they've been loafing around the place doing f**k all, they're idle good for nothing lazy bastards.

Mrs 3BM: Yes but they are cats.

 

[Cubist]

have you conveyed your concerns to the society? otherwise others will get the same treatment. Don't know how yorks do feedback. such a performance in Sussex would have had a phone ringing somewhere.

I'm surprised that a society ref, given the amount of observation/assessment that goes on, would be allowed to officiate in any game of any importance with such weaknesses in his basic skills. Odd too that he should manifest them only in respect one side and not the other, though you may have coached it out of your lads (see below) Clearly Yorkshire do it differently to Sussex. Of course he may be a noob just out of ELRA doing U14's cos the society don't think the game/or him worthy of anything better.

Now I'll commit referee heresy.... Playing to the ref cuts both ways. If the man can't ref the breakdown properly and is rubbish at spotting 3/4's off-side (not always material but honestly materiality shouldn't enter into age grade rugby) why aren't you coaching your players to be streetwise enough to exploit that? Cynical moi? as an ex-coach you bet your life.

We got ourselves reff'd out of a match the other day. Our fly half makes a tackle halfway between 22 and 5m line. The kid drops the ball knocking it on. Fly half hacks it into touch just to make sure and the ref gives lineout to them about 7 metres out. They scored, taking them from two points behind with 20s to go, to three points ahead. Thus ended our Cup campaign for this year. We can sit and moan, but it all ends up as sour grapes.

Streetwise coaching is all well and good. Our back row in particular are committed poachers and thieves, but as a coach I want to be sure all the team understand how to do it right first. There's plenty of time for shenanigans later. We have an aggressive, brutal pack, and don't need to start bending the rules too much. Our forwards inevitably dominated every pack they have played this season.

 

[NormanD]

Mate martin after using my GT85 on his car after a repair

Martin = This is good stuff where did you get it from?
Me = EBC it's £5.99 a can but they have it on special at the moment
Martin = I'll have to get myself some, and the replace the one I've used of yours, fancy a trip over to there?
Me = sure I could do with another few cans myself
Martin = Hop in and off we go
Me = OK
in shop
Martin = where's that stuff again?
Me = over there where it says GT85 on the can
Martin = Ha! .. funny bugger! ..grabs two cans
Me = .. grabs two cans
Shop assistant to martin = that'll be £5.98 please ..martin pays
Me to shop assistant = Do you have any of them brushes on offer left?
shop assistant = I'll just check
Martin = come on Norman! .. hurry up!
Me = hold on impatient harry!!
shop assistant = sorry sir we've sold out, but are expecting some in again real soon, want me to hold one back for you?
Me = sure, you have my details on the computer
Me = that light set with the large flat rear light, how much?
Martin = Come on will you!! ..hurry up!!
me = two minutes
shop assistant = £24.99 sir special offer too
Martin leaves shop
Me = that'll be fine just these and that please

outside the shop
Me = you were keen to get out of there?, your lass been on the phone demanding to know where you are Ha! ha! ha!
Martin = NO!!! the guy only charged me £5.98 for two cans so he's robbed himself and here's the can I owe you!
Me = HUH!
Me = You IDIOT!! they're on special offer £2.99 a can, that's why we came over to here!! and what do you think I'm holding in my hands?
Martin = Durrrrh I thought he'd robbed himself!
Me = get in the car

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Wake up

'Oh, something feels wet, I hope it isn't the.... yes, it is..... straight to the toilet to check then....'

'Oh bloody hell, the bag has started to leak big time, and I am awaiting a delivery of new ones later today (I hadn't realised I had finished the last box of them you see, so I genuinely was down to my last. I will not make that mistake twice, THAT'S for sure!)'

*Sits covered in crap*-

- 'I guess if anyone had a shoot fetish then this would he heaven for them.....'

Later, after sealing it again with some adhesive pads I have, I am finally able to do other normal things again.

'Now, to change the bed'

*Later*

'Oh oh! there is a parcel...... for my sister'

'C*NT!'

*Much later*

'YES THEY HAVE ARRIVED!!'

'I can now actually clean myself properly now since there shouldn't be any more spillages'

Roll on the reversal surgery to make the pouch, that's all I can say!!

 

[gbb]

'There's that bloody mouse again' ...semi shrieked the wife as she scurried back indoors

He was running up the path this time towards the back door...perhaps it's time to 'sort him out'. (reluctantly i might add, but can't have him getting in the house.)

 

[Crackle]

son: Dad, do you know where my boots are?
me: In the hall where you last dumped them
Son: What about the red triangle bag?
me: drying cupboard
Son: Seen my gloves?
me: one in your cupboard, first drawer down, one on the bar after I rescued it from the dog
Son: Can't find my keys
me: Hall, under the yellow pages
son: Ok, bye dad
Mrs Crackle: I'm late seen my keys?
me: Press the button on the finder thing I got you for Xmas
Mrs Crackle: Purse?
me: In the hall by the phone
Mrs Crackle: Bye
...............silence......
Me: Today Mr Crackle, as your specialist subject, you've chosen to answer questions on where things are and in that round you scored 100%

 

[Crackle]

And my Swiss Army knife?

Same place as all the others that people lose. Sadly, I don't know the exact location. All I can tell you, is it's not in our house.

 

[Crackle]

Heading towards a crossing, lights on green for me and two women half way across. Both saw me and gave one of those little slow motion runs to the kerb. They were both safely on the kerb by some way before I got there.

Me: "I'm not that fast ladies", say I as I pass
1st woman: "Oooh, you looked it though"
2nd woman: "You look quite fit from here", both laugh
me: ...........Can't think of anything to say back and by the time I do, they are well out of earshot

 

[Mr Phoebus]

Heading towards a crossing, lights on green for me and two women half way across. Both saw me and gave one of those little slow motion runs to the kerb. They were both safely on the kerb by some way before I got there.

Me: "I'm not that fast ladies", say I as I pass
1st woman: "Oooh, you looked it though"
2nd woman: "You look quite fit from here", both laugh
me: ...........Can't think of anything to say back and by the time I do, they are well out of earshot

You should've hit them with "Careful! I fall in love easily you know."

 

[GrasB]

So we have a hooligan on a bike sprinting down the pavement on a BMX just as a older woman step out of a shop into his path.
HOAD: ******************NNNNNKKEEEERRR!!!!! *turing his head to look at her*
*THUD*
Wall: *doesn't move*
HOAD: [censored long string of expletives]
Everyone else: