Give me some dialogue from your day

[gbb]

Emails this morning include a request to attend a machine which apparently had a film feed problem, theymissed xxx amount of production last night.
I attended first thing, loaded it with film and ran it, no problem.
Morning production meeting at 10am...I was asked what the problem was.
'No problem, I set it up, it ran and still is running.'
Manager replied...
'Oh ok, so its fixed then'
'No...it wasnt broken, there was no fault, I didnt do anything other than set it up and run it....just like the operator should have'

You can see the way they work...if I'd 'fixed it'...they can happily move on because 'something was wrong', something that I'm responsible for.
If nothing was wrong...that means their operator was at fault, something the manager is responsible for.

I'm not the fastest thinker...but I'm not having our department blamed for the ineptitude of another person / department.

And in a similar vein, morning meeting was discussing a problem last night where xxx amount of packs were incorrectly labelled because someone entered the wrong details into the computer.
Meeting attendee from production...
'The computer printed the wrong information...'
Me...
'Just to clarify, no problem with the computer...the wrong info was input, its human error'
Once again, they seem too keen to place blame elsewhere..its like 'it must be someone elses fault'...usually maintenance. Not this time...

 

[colly]

Sitting at the table tonight with the family. The youngest grandaughter (just turned 5) had a costume on from some production at school. The headress had come loose and she had what looked like a white bandage wrapped around her head with it trailing down and over her shoulder.
Me: 'You look like you have been playing rugby. Would you like to play when you are older ? '

GD Yes

Me: 'Looking like that you could be a hooker'

Me: Err ? Ok maybe not'

 

[colly]

Also tonight:

Older grandaughter (10) was telling me about a school production her class did. It was 'Warhorse' Four acts in total and she was in act 2 and act 4.
I was told she played the second horse, Elsie I think the name was.
So after a bit of discussion about the play and what went on etc etc.

Me: (asked in all innocence) ' Did you have any lines? '

GD: ( with a sideways look that would have been perfect if it had been over a pair of specs) 'Grandad, horses can't talk, '

Me: Yes, but, well, it was a play, and y'know, in plays things happen that aren't, well.....................they can be...........

 

[fimm]

Colleague: I see you are in your Bagpuss outfit today
Me: Bagpuss??
Him: Yes, Bagpuss
Me <looks at bright pink fleece with white stripes>: Oh, yes. I see what you mean. Do you know, I'd never noticed...
(I went and looked at Google images afterwards. It is very like Bagpuss...)

 

[Scoosh]

Colleague: I see you are in your Bagpuss outfit today
Me: Bagpuss??
Him: Yes, Bagpuss
Me <looks at bright pink fleece with white stripes>: Oh, yes. I see what you mean. Do you know, I'd never noticed...
(I went and looked at Google images afterwards. It is very like Bagpuss...)

Definitely a PoP outfit !

 

[gbb]

We both arrived home from work about the same time...
Me to my wife...
'What you thinking for dinner ?'
'Bacon, egg, beans and mushrooms...ok ?'
'Yep, lovely'...
'Good, you're cooking' she replied, quick as a flash...

'

 

[vernon]

Tonight at a Nina's, an ex-colleague's 40th birthday party...

Nina: "Mum, I'd like you to meet Vernon. I used to work with him"

Nina's mum: "Ah yes I've heard a lot about you. You're the one who takes our Nina to those "weird shoot" gigs"

Me: "I can't argue with that"

Nina: "Have you got one lined up for me"

Me: "How about band playing a set of East European klezmer music followed by them playing the score for a 1930s silent Russian propaganda film?"

Nina's mum: "Are you serious?"

Me: "Yes"

Nina: "You never disappoint!"

Gales of laughter all round

 

[Profpointy]

We both arrived home from work about the same time...
Me to my wife...
'What you thinking for dinner ?'
'Bacon, egg, beans and mushrooms...ok ?'
'Yep, lovely'...
'Good, you're cooking' she replied, quick as a flash...

'

In a similar vein myy mum used to say "would you like a cup of coffee?", "ooh, I'd love one", "go and make us some "

 

[Rezillo]

In a similar vein myy mum used to say "would you like a cup of coffee?", "ooh, I'd love one", "go and make us some "

Anything my mother-in-law says that starts "Would you like to [do specified task?" in fact means "I would like you to [do specified task]". It's a small piece of manipulative behaviour that is so ingrained that she gets quite thrown if asked whether said request is something she wants, in which case I'd be happy to do it.

 

[gbb]

We took my mum, 86, to Aldi. Shes a bit doddery and frail but generally ok. Shes stood in the middle of the aisle...blocking people, miles away looking at something.
'Mum, just come to one side a sec'
'Oooh sorry ' she said.
I turned to the guy, about my age who was patiently waiting...
'Sorry mate, '
'Dont apologise, Its nice to see...i wish i could do that for my dad but he's no longer with us'
'Sorry to hear that , i lost my dad 18 months ago, i feel your pain'

A little chat about parents followed, friendly, almost like two old friends.., who'd ironically never met.

'Take care ...nice talking to you'
'And you, look after your mum'

 

[fimm]

A: Oh, I like L's new cycling jacket
Me (somewhat grumpily): I don't
A: Why not?
Me: It is pink and hi-vis. What's not to hate?
A: Well I like pink, and "they" make us wear hi-vis, so...

 

[machew]

A: Oh, I like L's new cycling jacket
Me (somewhat grumpily): I don't
A: Why not?
Me: It is pink and hi-vis. What's not to hate?
A: Well I like pink, and "they" make us wear hi-vis, so...

I had to wear Hi-Vis when cycling on my last company's car park. I upset the Health and Safety dept by wearing a Black Hi-Vis
http://www.bksafetywear.co.uk/hi-vis-superior-waistcoat-black.html

 

[Houthakker]

On the phone to the firms bank yesterday.
Me. I'd like to make an appointment to pop into the branch at xxx to access the firms safety deposit box please.
Bank. Sorry we closed that branch last year!
me. No one told us about that. Where is our deposit box at then?
Bank. I cant tell you that, you are not a named signatory on the account.
me. But I am authorised to access the box and you have all the details of that.
Bank. I can make you an appointment to get into your box if you like.
me yes please (and agree a date time and the name of the person I will be seeing)
me Which branch do I go to then?
Bank. Cant tell you Im afraid, someone else will have to ring up to find that out.

I'm still waiting to find out where to go!!

 

[Lullabelle]

A female from Windows just called, apparently someone has tried to to hack into my computer, she asked me to confirm I was the registered and main user of the computer, I confirmed I was so she asked me to switch on my computer so that she could sort out the issue

ME: sorry did you say someone has tried to hack into my computer

WOMAN: yes madam

ME: that wouldn't be you would it you lying little fu***r, you are a criminal, your mother must be so proud of you unless she is sitting in the booth next to you..

She hung up.

 

[Katherine]

Miss K is home for the holidays.

She comes through from the kitchen eating a hot cross bun.
Me: get a plate, please, you're at home now.

She looks at me after I've taken off my coat.
Miss K: Mum, you've not been anywhere else with that jumper on today, have you?

Hm, normal service is resumed.