Give me some dialogue from your day

[ColinJ]

did you weld ot up again?

Bear in mind if you made access easy for next time, the person fixing it then will only take 10 minutes, and management will think you were useless.in comparison. Guess how I know this? (different trade -.programming - but same principle)

Ha ... I have a friend who gets me to sort out her ailing PC. I only get to work on it when it is overrun by virus infections, has disk failures etc. So, it usually takes me some time to fix. Almost every time I am told that I took me far too long to do it!

 

[Crackle]

Girl: Next please!
Me: Slightly unready, "ah,errrr, oh the meatballs please", instantly regretting my choice
Girl: 6 or 12?
Me: What. Just one.
Son: 6 or 12 inch dad
Me: 12 inch, really, Good god. 6 inch please
Girl: Plain cheese or spicy?
Me: Is that actually cheese then?
Son: Dad
Me: Plain
........
Lad: Salad on it?
Me: That's not mine
Lad: Grabs mine. Salad on it?
Me: Just tomatoes please
Lad: Everything?
Me:TOMATOES
Till Girl: Absolutely inaudible question
Me: Tea
Till Girl: Another inaudible question but I follow the eye shift and grab the free crisps included in the price i assume.
........
Son: How's your sandwich
Me: It's really farking horrible but I am starving.

My first and probably last visit to Subway.

 

[fimm]

Me: A muffin and a latte, please.
Assistant: Do you want sugar in your coffee?
Me: No, thank you, just - oops, I nearly said milk in my latte!
Assistant I think you will be getting some milk
Me: I think I will...

 

[gbb]

Ive arranged to take mum, 84, to the chemist today, apparently to get a tripod walking frame, she's been quite weak lately with a virus etc.
Mum...
'You don't mind do you, taking me to the chemist'
'Not at all mum, glad to'

Then, in a similar way to my wife, she asked a searching question without actually asking...
'I think i'd probably get a better one from the mobility shop, but we'll just go to the chemist'

I took the bait...
'The mobility shop is only 5 miles away mum, we'll go there then'
...'You don't mind then, its not too much'
' No mum, lets get you the right one'

 

[Crackle]

Stentorian Nurse: MR DREWERY?
Old Bloke: "Coming" and he begins the journey from the water fountain in a slow hobble on his stick
Mr Drewery: "I'm moving now, nearly at full gallop", he tells the assembled waiting room
Mr Drewery: "I'm running" He's two feet from the the water fountain still
Mr Drewery: "Marathon Next" he says heading towards us and not the nurse
Stentorian Nurse: "MR DREWERY, WE'RE OVER HERE.
Mr Drewery: "You may be over there love but my bags are over here"

He exits stage right keeping up a running commentary and leaving the whole waiting room quietly chuckling

 

[gbb]

'OI..GERROF MY BACON'

Ive cooked a fryup for tea. Grilled the bacon, I've done a little extra for packup the next day. We're sat at the table and i turned round to see the dog licking the extra i'd cooked which was sitting in his reach, in the open door of the grill. Its too late, hes been licking it...i nudged the wife, look.....he's completely focused on the bacon.
OI.... etc etc...
He skittered across the kitchen floor...
'Ya little beggar, here, you might as well have it now'

 

[gbb]

Watching the news about the discovery of gravity waves created by two black holes a billion years ago. Apparently everyone is cockahoop at this mind blowing revelation..even the radio 5 presenter seemed astonished by this and played a soundtrack of quite uninspiring noise, interrupted by a quick but innocuous 'blip'....I uttered to my wife...
'Must admit, I'm finding it hard to be quite so earth shatteringly moved by this...I can't imagine it will make one jot of difference to me in my entire lifetime'

Call me a cynic...

 

[gbb]

3 of us are sat in the canteen this morning...(language toned down a bit for the sake of good taste )
Colleague says...
'Cold this morning wasn't it'
Me...
'It was...I knew it because when I picked up the dog muck at 5am this morning, it felt REALLY warm '
'Arghhh FFS ' one said as they both laughed
I continued..
'Yeah, if i'd had cold hands I could have held the bag for a bit longer, lovely and warm it was'
Much guffawing between us...
I continued..
'Anyway, there's nothing worse than picking up cold dog poo'
'WTF would you be doing that for ?'
'The dogs usually off the lead....if he's pooing some way ahead, I memorise the spot and when I get there, pick it up. Trouble is, occasionally you pick it up and instantly realise it's stone cold.....so you've just picked up someone else's dog poo '
More guffawing
'Waddaya do then ?, chuck it back down ?'
'Nooo, I carry a load of bags and search for MY dogs poo '
More laughter followed...
Colleague says...
'FFS, I thought you were joking but you're not are you'
'No, deadly serious, that's happened to me a good few times'
'Second colleague...
'How the hell did we end up sitting here, talking about dog poo ?

 

[Crackle]

3 of us are sat in the canteen this morning...(language toned down a bit for the sake of good taste )
Colleague says...
'Cold this morning wasn't it'
Me...
'It was...I knew it because when I picked up the dog muck at 5am this morning, it felt REALLY warm '
'Arghhh FFS ' one said as they both laughed
I continued..
'Yeah, if i'd had cold hands I could have held the bag for a bit longer, lovely and warm it was'
Much guffawing between us...
I continued..
'Anyway, there's nothing worse than picking up cold dog poo'
'WTF would you be doing that for ?'
'The dogs usually off the lead....if he's pooing some way ahead, I memorise the spot and when I get there, pick it up. Trouble is, occasionally you pick it up and instantly realise it's stone cold.....so you've just picked up someone else's dog poo '
More guffawing
'Waddaya do then ?, chuck it back down ?'
'Nooo, I carry a load of bags and search for MY dogs poo '
More laughter followed...
Colleague says...
'FFS, I thought you were joking but you're not are you'
'No, deadly serious, that's happened to me a good few times'
'Second colleague...
'How the hell did we end up sitting here, talking about dog poo ?

Nowt worse than cold dog poo. Except treading in the stuff you're looking for.

 

[Ganymede]

Mr G and me sitting on a train at about 9pm. It's dark, we've been sitting at Sevenoaks for a suspiciously long time.

Me (eventually, to the ceiling): Oh come on, tell us why we're not moving!

*crackle*

Guard (as if he heard me): Ladies and gentlemen, the reason we are still here is because just as we were coming into Sevenoaks we collided with a rather large... owl... I'll repeat that, a rather large owwwwllll, which managed to open one of the front doors. The driver is just .... sorting this out. To repeat, we collided with a large owl, and we are just sorting this out. And you won't hear anything else like that tonight.

Me and Mr G:

Poor owl!

 

[gbb]

My good wife just enquired...
'How's your finger now ?'
'The one I dislocated ?...its good, no bother at all now'
She hesitated with an impish grin...
'Good, go and excercise it by putting the kettle on'
...'cracking...10/10'...

 

[Rezillo]

'Must admit, I'm finding it hard to be quite so earth shatteringly moved by this...I can't imagine it will make one jot of difference to me in my entire lifetime'

...but I'm just off to order my hover boots.

They need AAA colliding black hole batteries but there's bound to be some on dx.com

 

[Maverick Goose]

Mr G and me sitting on a train at about 9pm. It's dark, we've been sitting at Sevenoaks for a suspiciously long time.

Me (eventually, to the ceiling): Oh come on, tell us why we're not moving!

*crackle*

Guard (as if he heard me): Ladies and gentlemen, the reason we are still here is because just as we were coming into Sevenoaks we collided with a rather large... owl... I'll repeat that, a rather large owwwwllll, which managed to open one of the front doors. The driver is just .... sorting this out. To repeat, we collided with a large owl, and we are just sorting this out. And you won't hear anything else like that tonight.

Me and Mr G:

Poor owl!

let's hope it makes it to Hogwarts ok!

 

[ColinJ]

Nowt worse than cold dog poo. Except treading in the stuff you're looking for.

Picking up the warm stuff and discovering that you have your hand in a ripped poo bag ...?

 

[claudbutler]

I was just about to close the workshop doors when a cleaner comes up to me and says "Close the doors ,its freezing" Me,"Im just doing it" 2nd cleaner comes up to first cleaner and says"fag?" 1st cleaner says "why not?" so both cleaners go outside for 10 mins .