Give me some dialogue from your day

[Speicher]

Mr G and me sitting on a train at about 9pm. It's dark, we've been sitting at Sevenoaks for a suspiciously long time.

Me (eventually, to the ceiling): Oh come on, tell us why we're not moving!

*crackle*

Guard (as if he heard me): Ladies and gentlemen, the reason we are still here is because just as we were coming into Sevenoaks we collided with a rather large... owl... I'll repeat that, a rather large owwwwllll, which managed to open one of the front doors. The driver is just .... sorting this out. To repeat, we collided with a large owl, and we are just sorting this out. And you won't hear anything else like that tonight.

Me and Mr G:

Poor owl!

It is much safer to ride on the handlebars of a bicycle than to fly in front of a train.

 

[Andy_R]

Confucius say "It is much safer to ride on the handlebars of a bicycle than to fly in front of a train."

FTFY

 

[annedonnelly]

Mr G and me sitting on a train at about 9pm. It's dark, we've been sitting at Sevenoaks for a suspiciously long time.

Me (eventually, to the ceiling): Oh come on, tell us why we're not moving!

*crackle*

Guard (as if he heard me): Ladies and gentlemen, the reason we are still here is because just as we were coming into Sevenoaks we collided with a rather large... owl... I'll repeat that, a rather large owwwwllll, which managed to open one of the front doors. The driver is just .... sorting this out. To repeat, we collided with a large owl, and we are just sorting this out. And you won't hear anything else like that tonight.

Me and Mr G:

Poor owl!

A few weeks ago on a day of flooding in the north east I went for my train home and found that the earlier one was late so I was able to catch that instead. The conductor took great delight in announcing:

"The train is late because of a swan on the line at the Metrocentre".

He later explained that both he and the driver had had to get out to persuade it to move. Clearly there was a lot of water on the track that night!

 

[annedonnelly]

Nowt worse than cold dog poo. Except treading in the stuff you're looking for.

Or treading in stuff that belongs to someone else's dog. When you don't have a dog yourself...

 

[Spinney]

Or treading in stuff that belongs to someone else's dog. When you don't have a dog yourself...

And not discovering that you have done so until you are inside the house or car...

 

[Moon bunny]

Or discovering, when you are in the dressing room getting changed, that a cat has booby-trapped your shoes.

 

[perplexed]

Or discovering, when you are in the dressing room getting changed, that a cat has booby-trapped your shoes.

I've posted this recently before, but what the hell...

 

[gbb]

During a discussion with a female office colleague who...how can i put it...who's physique belies her apparent (and unlknown to me) fitness...
I'd just been talking about what i'd done this weekend, which included a bike ride.
'Oooh, what bike have you got ?' she asked.
'Ribble, full carbon'
'Ooh, me and my partner love biking, we did the London Cambridge one year'
'How far is that ?'
'60 miles'
'Wow, good on you, how long did you take'
'4 hours'
'Blimey, thats 15mph average, over 60 miles, THAT is very respectable'
A guy in the corner listening nodded in agreement, so i suspect he's perhaps a cyclist.
'Oh i'm fit' she said..'i have at least got good legs'
'Fair play to you, very repectable..'

 

[pplpilot]

'May I get the bill please? oh and don't even think about adding the 'service' charge.'

 

[gbb]

Emails this morning include a request to attend a machine which apparently had a film feed problem, theymissed xxx amount of production last night.
I attended first thing, loaded it with film and ran it, no problem.
Morning production meeting at 10am...I was asked what the problem was.
'No problem, I set it up, it ran and still is running.'
Manager replied...
'Oh ok, so its fixed then'
'No...it wasnt broken, there was no fault, I didnt do anything other than set it up and run it....just like the operator should have'

You can see the way they work...if I'd 'fixed it'...they can happily move on because 'something was wrong', something that I'm responsible for.
If nothing was wrong...that means their operator was at fault, something the manager is responsible for.

I'm not the fastest thinker...but I'm not having our department blamed for the ineptitude of another person / department.

 

[machew]

Emails this morning include a request to attend a machine which apparently had a film feed problem, theymissed xxx amount of production last night.
I attended first thing, loaded it with film and ran it, no problem.
Morning production meeting at 10am...I was asked what the problem was.
'No problem, I set it up, it ran and still is running.'
Manager replied...
'Oh ok, so its fixed then'
'No...it wasnt broken, there was no fault, I didnt do anything other than set it up and run it....just like the operator should have'

You can see the way they work...if I'd 'fixed it'...they can happily move on because 'something was wrong', something that I'm responsible for.
If nothing was wrong...that means their operator was at fault, something the manager is responsible for.

I'm not the fastest thinker...but I'm not having our department blamed for the ineptitude of another person / department.

Ah an ID-10T error

 

[Cubist]

Overheard in the self checkout queue this evening

"Now keep your hands out of that gentleman's bagging area."

Wise words indeed.....

 

[Speicher]

Me: I have bought myself an Elephant bike.

A N Other: Do you weigh that much?

 

[ColinJ]

ColinJ: I moved here last year. I like this house.

Plasterer (here to quote for some skimming jobs): Yes, it is quite a nice house. Especially the massive attic room.

ColinJ: Yes - that's my favourite room too ...

ColinJ: HANG ON, YOU HAVE ONLY SEEN THE KITCHEN!

Plasterer: Not true - I lived in this house until I was 4 years old!

ColinJ: Ha ha ha - small world, eh?

 

[redvision95]

"friend" - bloody hell that car is ancient, I could outrun that POS easily in my Audi.
me - yeah and your point is?
"friend" - how can you drive such a POS?!?
me - it runs, it drives, it stops, its cheap and i dont have to worry about dings in the car parks. How can you drive a audi?
"friend" - haha you drive a rolling turd.
me - haha your a idiot for wasting so much money at 20 years old.

im the one laughing considering being a new driver im paying £1100 fully comp in my 2nd month of driving without a blackbox and hes paying over £6k to insure his Audi Id rather ride my bike though