Give me some dialogue from your day

[gbb]

Wife to me..
'What the bloody hell is THAT ' as I slap a foot long, thick sausage on the table.
'Chorizo sausage'...'you want some ?'
'Not bloomin likely'

Got some from one of our Spanish machinery suppliers, bloomin great thing, going to take me ages to get through It.
How long does it keep ?

 

[Scoosh]

'Chorizo sausage'...

... going to take me ages to get through It.
How long does it keep ?

Ages - unless you scoff it quick.

 

[midlife]

Wife to me..
'What the bloody hell is THAT ' as I slap a foot long, thick sausage on the table.
'Chorizo sausage'...'you want some ?'
'Not bloomin likely'

Got some from one of our Spanish machinery suppliers, bloomin great thing, going to take me ages to get through It.
How long does it keep ?

Note to self to give a nickname to mine

Shaun

 

[perplexed]

Wife to self, towards the end of a long drive the other day, after a period of companionable quiet.

'I've not seen many people going mad with inflatables this year...'

Self:

Wife: 'I mean in gardens, you know, blow up Santas and what have you...'

 

[Levo-Lon]

Pam Ayres...classic poem

I have a little Satnav, It sits there in my car
A Satnav is a driver's friend, it tells you where you are.
I have a little Satnav, I've had it all my life
It's better than the normal ones, my Satnav is my wife.
It gives me full instructions, especially how to drive
"It's sixty miles an hour", it says, "You're doing sixty five".
It tells me when to stop and start, and when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever, safe to overtake.
It tells me when a light is red, and when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively, just when to intervene.
It lists the vehicles just in front, and all those to the rear
And taking this into account, it specifies my gear.
I'm sure no other driver, has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car, it still gives its advice.
It fills me up with counselling, each journey's pretty fraught
So why don't I exchange it, and get a quieter sort?
Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, makes sure I'm properly fed
It washes all my shirts and things, and keeps me warm in bed!
Despite all these advantages, and my tendency to scoff,
I only wish that now and then, I could turn the b****r off.

 

[jhawk]

Wished the grandparents a "Happy New Year!" via Skype. As usual, very little has changed despite the new year! They still argue hilariously over Skype about technology and who broke what.

G-Ma: "Oh hang on Jack, your granddad's put the sound off again, we can't hear you."

Granddad: "I DID NOT!" "DID TOO!"

"It's that ruddy dusty keyboard!"

"What dust?"

"LOOK at the state of it."

(Meanwhile I am laughing my ar$e off). They've been married for 51 years.

 

[GrumpyGregry]

In a Stockholm hotel restaurant.

Her: Here is some Swedish cheese (a side served with posh mushroom soup), try it if you like, it is quite nice.
Him: Thank you.

He eats the crumbled cheese.

Later.

Her: Is everything ok sir?
Him: That cheese was really nice. What is it called please?
Her: Swedish cheese.
Him: (Thinks) And if I went into a cheese shop to buy some what would I look for.
Her: says something unintelligible to me, in Swedish, to a colleague.
Other him, in reply: Svenskesost.
Her: Swedish cheese, sir.

 

[perplexed]

DIY store rep. on the phone: 'Ok, a double pan drawer and a cutlery drawer above'

Customer: ' Bibble squeak, durble blurg (imagine the old comedy films when they put a high pitched fast burble to represent the unseen caller)'

Rep: 'Yes, I understand, a single pan drawer with a shallow compartment and then a cutlery drawer'

Customer: 'Bligdety wiffle glibbist'

Rep: 'That's fine, pop in and see what we've got, bye!'


I rather hope that the rep finished the dump he was having in the khazi whilst he was having the conversation above...

 

[PaulSecteur]

As I walked to the shops that are at the end of a longish uphill road I notice a cyclist slumped over the handlebars, just managing to keep his lungs internal.

ME - "Stava?"

Him - "Huhhwah"

 

[gavgav]

We've had the auditor in at work, really nice bloke and the boss came out to make a tea round today. We remarked that it was a rare occasion, etc.

Auditor. "What's the difference between Lee (boss) and a coconut?......you can get a drink out of a coconut"

from most of the office

 

[Katherine]

On the coach on a school trip with some 5 year olds who obviously don't get out much.
In a voice of awe, Of the view from the coach window towards some hills and fields:
"Wow, look at the whole world! "

 

[gbb]

On the coach on a school trip with some 5 year olds who obviously don't get out much.
In a voice of awe, Of the view from the coach window towards some hills and fields:
"Wow, look at the whole world! "

Reminds me of a conversation with a long gone cockney colleague who was brought up in Lhaaandan in the 50s and 60s, until he joined the navy at 16, he'd scarecely even seen a field. At the time of the convo, he must have been early to mid 60s.
We were walking along and i saw a toad, in a puddle,
Him...'WTF is THAT
'Its a toad Jim'

A look of disgust across his face and he uttered...
'Do they bite ?'



Later he told me, he'd never seen a cow or lamb until he was in his 20s or so....

 

[ColinJ]

On the coach on a school trip with some 5 year olds who obviously don't get out much.
In a voice of awe, Of the view from the coach window towards some hills and fields:
"Wow, look at the whole world! "

Reminds me of a conversation with a long gone cockney colleague who was brought up in Lhaaandan in the 50s and 60s, until he joined the navy at 16, he'd scarecely even seen a field. At the time of the convo, he must have been early to mid 60s.
We were walking along and i saw a toad, in a puddle,
Him...'WTF is THAT
'Its a toad Jim'

A look of disgust across his face and he uttered...
'Do they bite ?'



Later he told me, he'd never seen a cow or lamb until he was in his 20s or so....

I knew someone who had been a social worker in Bradford and worked with a lot of teenage single mums. She was shocked when she discovered that most of them had never been to the countryside despite living less than an hour's walk from some glorious Yorkshire countryside. She started organising coach trips for them on which they saw their first 'real life' sheep, cows and horses, having only previously seen them on TV.

One such trip was to Scarborough and it was the first time that any of them had been to the coast ... how sad is that!

 

[Ganymede]

I knew someone who had been a social worker in Bradford and worked with a lot of teenage single mums. She was shocked when she discovered that most of them had never been to the countryside despite living less than an hour's walk from some glorious Yorkshire countryside. She started organising coach trips for them on which they saw their first 'real life' sheep, cows and horses, having only previously seen them on TV.

One such trip was to Scarborough and it was the first time that any of them had been to the coast ... how sad is that!

More common than any of us realise, I fear.

 

[Ganymede]

Over dinner

Me: There's a new French TV series starting tonight which I thought I might watch.
Mr G: Ah. Zombies? Criminals?
Me: French politics
Mr G *chews for a moment*: Both then.