Give me some dialogue from your day

[vernon]

In the middle of me telling Mrs Vernon about my day in Bristol visiting the Bespoke UK cycle show....

Me: "...and when I got on the train to go back to Leeds, the men who were going to a beer festival in Newton Abbot were also on. One of them said: "How many
bikes did you buy then?" I said..."

Mrs Vernon: cutting me short "You'd better bloody not have! It's more than your life's worth!"

Me: "I didn't! I wouldn't dare!"

My inner voice: "But you don't know about my cunning second Woodrup acquisition plan..."

 

[Crackle]

Bloke 1: "Soovy, get a soovy, soovy, get a soovy" he repeats as he swaggers by
bloke 2: Nods silently as he walks next to his mate
girlfriend 1: pushing pram behind, shakes her head of curly hair at the contents of the pram and the shake spreads down her body to her feet, like a guitar string. And repeat a few second later.
Girlfriend 2: "poopy pants, who's a poopy pants" also directed at the pram contents

Bloke 1: "Soovy, get a soovy...."
Bloke 2: nods
Girfriend 1: shakes
Girlfriend 2: "poopy pants......"

And repeat until they faded around the corner...

Me: raises eyebrows slightly.

 

[jhawk]

Bloke 1: "Soovy, get a soovy, soovy, get a soovy" he repeats as he swaggers by
bloke 2: Nods silently as he walks next to his mate
girlfriend 1: pushing pram behind, shakes her head of curly hair at the contents of the pram and the shake spreads down her body to her feet, like a guitar string. And repeat a few second later.
Girlfriend 2: "poopy pants, who's a poopy pants" also directed at the pram contents

Bloke 1: "Soovy, get a soovy...."
Bloke 2: nods
Girfriend 1: shakes
Girlfriend 2: "poopy pants......"

And repeat until they faded around the corner...

Me: raises eyebrows slightly.

Reason to not have children #3476....

 

[gbb]

Saturday, grandaughters have come round, we're all sat in the garden in the sun. Dogs wandering round looking at me.
<2 year old grandaughter is behind him and suddenly becomes transfixed by his anus which is exposed as he's stood there tail high and wagging.
2 seconds later, her arm outstretches and she touches him with her finger
'YASMINE NOOOOOO....get her hands washed !!!!'
She was whisked indoors, hands washed, then out she pops again...stands there looking at the dogs rear again....
'Yasmine, noooo'
She looks up....'Bum '

 

[Levo-Lon]

Just had an hour on site and tweaked my back moving some heavy stuff..
i said to customer i need to pop off and sort this with some ice and ibuprofen ,ill be a hr or 2.

he said is it too bad for you to dig the cable trench then?
paddinton stare...yes

 

[Cubist]

Saturday, grandaughters have come round, we're all sat in the garden in the sun. Dogs wandering round looking at me.
<2 year old grandaughter is behind him and suddenly becomes transfixed by his anus which is exposed as he's stood there tail high and wagging.
2 seconds later, her arm outstretches and she touches him with her finger
'YASMINE NOOOOOO....get her hands washed !!!!'
She was whisked indoors, hands washed, then out she pops again...stands there looking at the dogs rear again....
'Yasmine, noooo'
She looks up....'Bum '

#3476....

#3477.....

 

[jhawk]

*Let's the dog out, as per usual.* He usually takes a while before re-emerging from our woodland out the back. Today is no different. I call for him, nothing happens. I go back inside. Wait ten minutes, go back out.*

"Reggie!!!! Reggie!!!" Nothing. Go back inside. Make breakfast, get settled down with tea. Look left, and he's standing at my bedroom window outside. Looking pitiful. He's been rolling around in the snow.

I open the front door - he FLIES inside! "You little barsteward! You just had to wait until I was all sitting down and working, didn't you?" *Wags tail. Gives stupid smile.*

Edited to include a picture or two of the culprit:

 

[jhawk]

So, just got back from getting lost going for a snowshoe hike. Best part of an hour, half hour getting lost, other half getting found by Reggie (above culprit), and Dad.

Dad: "So, you know what you need?"

Me: "A sense of direction?"

Dad:"Well, yes - that and a compass and a whistle."

 

[jhawk]

A little later.

Me, chatting to Dad via Facebook, even though he's upstairs: "Do you want tea?"

Him: "Sure, if you can find your way to the kitchen!"

 

[jhawk]

Another one from me. Standing inthe kitchen, preparing a sandwich.

There sit the three musketeers, waiting for me to drop a morsel of bread.

"It ain't gonna happen boys. You've got three hopes: Bob Hope, Envelope, and no Farking Hope."

 

[jhawk]

Dad, cutting my hair: "Sit still. No, sit still. Well, I guess the back of it would be fashionable in North Korea."

 

[Sandra6]

Customer " I've got a mouse living in the car"
Me " er, OK"
" do you have something to get rid of it?"
Me " a cat?"

 

[gbb]

Yesterdays...
Machine op...
'Colin, I keep getting lots of underweights from my weigher'
Me...'Ok, i'll come and have a look'

Weigher weighs fruit, releases specific amounts to the packing machine, which seals it in net and film. There can be several reasons you get underweights and it isn't necessarily the weigher at fault..i identified quite quickly why and explained to him how to solve it...
'Your open jaws time is too short, increase the time, that will solve it. IF you continue to get problems, just increase that time again, there's plenty of scope, you can go much much higher than your original setting'

Half an hour later, he approaches me..
'Colin, i'm still getting some underweights'

Me...
...'Increase your open jaws time then'
I walk away thinking...'like I told you half an hour ago'

 

[Katherine]

Wearing my helmet and jacket etc, obviously ready to leave and wheeling my bike out of school at lunchtime, past some girls aged 6.
Girl 1: Are you going home now?
Me: Yes, see you tomorrow.
Girl 2: Have you got a bike?
Me: Yes, how did you know?
Girl 3: ( triumphantly) We saw it!
Me: Oh well done, you're right!
Girl 1: Is it a big bike?
Me: It's just the right size.
I walk on smiling.

 

[gbb]

Someone at work has just hit the automatic shutter door with a forklift...its only just been repaired at a cost of £1500.
Standerby says...'can't you put a sensor on both sides to stop that happening'
'No point, even if you install an inductive loop (like traffic light sensors), it still relies in the driver being careful...which this driver obviously wasnt'

Colleague says..
'Inductive loop, whats that ?'
'Like the loop in the road at traffic lights'
I could see he didnt understand...he continued...
'Oh...i thought they worked (traffic lights) on your headlights'
I thought...eh ?...'so how does that work in the daytime then ?

'oh....i never thought about that....'