Give me some dialogue from your day

[stephec]

Mr WD obviously doesn't value his testicles very much.

I can't believe you didn't say, "well he married me didn't he?"
He must have some bottle though.

 

[welsh dragon]

I can't believe you didn't say, "well he married me didn't he?"
He must have some bottle though.

It could have been worse. After all, he could have been driving instead. That would have been bloody terrifying.

 

[TVC]

Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles and onion. All in a sesame seed bun.


All bloody day that's been in my brain, when I said it out loud to the 19 year old lad on my team he just looked at me like I had lost it.

 

[MisterStan]

Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles and onion. All in a sesame seed bun.


All bloody day that's been in my brain, when I said it out loud to the 19 year old lad on my team he just looked at me like I had lost it.

Big Mac?

 

[TVC]

Big Mac?

Yep. Now it's in your brain. Irritating isn't it.

 

[Cubist]

Mrs Cube. " the toilet seat has broken, and it hasn't half nipped my bum. Can you get a new one?"
Me " Oh goody, my favourite job. I've now got to kneel down with my head in the toilet, trying desperately to unscrew those plastic nuts off the bolt which'll be piss- ridden and rusty. I'll fetch some gloves in from the garage."
Mrs Cube " and the bath plug has come off the chain again. "
Me " oh, marvellous, I only mended it a week ago."
Mrs Cube " it came off in my hand. "

One trip to Wickes later
Me. " F*cks sake, who the f*ck would fit a toilet seat bolt with a f*cking galvanised square nut. I can't get a purchase on it to unscrew it. *
Bramble . Pant pant wag.
Me "Perhaps I can reach under with the adjustable spanner?"
Bramble Pant, wag, pant.
Me " it's seized f*cking solid. B@stard thing. "
Bramble Wag pant pant.
Me " F*cking * f*cking *fark. Double f*ck. "
Bramble quizzical head on one side glance.
Me "I'll have to hacksaw it off from the f*cking top. How the f*ck do I do that without damaging the pedestal? F*cks sake!"

A hour later, having just about managed to hacksaw through the bolts, despite only being able to use about threeinches of the cutting edge in the space i had, only to discover what I thought were washers were actually flanges attached to the bolts, which then had to be levered off with a big screwdriver, the phone rang.

Mrs Cube " Have you fixed the toilet seat?"
Me " Yes. Did you say it nipped your arse?"
Mrs Cube " Yes. It hurt actually."
Me "Good. "

 

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

Train platform again:

Man: So, that rain eh?
Cyclist: (Brightly) Well, it's not as bad as it looks, haha.
Man: But it's pretty bad?
Cyclist: (Sadly) Yeah.

If Crewe got what Northwich got yesterday late afternoon, it was much worse than it looked... there were rivers running down the roads inside minutes of it starting and my shoes are still not dry this morning. Mind you 5 miles further west and the roads were dry!

 

[Crackle]

On an early morning mission to Aldi I was surprised to find it thronging with the local girls school topping up with energy drinks and sweets, a 106 of them all buying two things with the wrong change and all in the queue in front of me at the only open till.

Girl 1: very loudly "HASHTAG NOMAKEUP LOUISE"
Louise: "Oh I know, it's the first time in my life I've ever been out without makeup". I judge her to be about 15 and imagine her as a baby with lippy
Girl 2: " to girl1 "You don't really know how to compliment anyone do you"

There was more but it was early and I can still switch off my brain receptors when it's early, so I just went glassy eyed and fell back to wakeful sleepiness. Not before I'd made a mental note not to go to Aldi before 9 on a schoolday.

 

[John the Monkey]

If Crewe got what Northwich got yesterday late afternoon, it was much worse than it looked... there were rivers running down the roads inside minutes of it starting and my shoes are still not dry this morning. Mind you 5 miles further west and the roads were dry!

A sort of persistent, occasionally heavier, drizzle. Grim.

 

[fimm]

Me (on conference call to young (male) colleague, waiting for the boss to join in): Hello N, how are you
Colleague: Oh, a bit better. Pollen count is lower today. (He'd been complaining about his hay fever yesterday)
Pause
Me: What did you just say?
Colleague: The pollen count is lower today
Me (starting to giggle): Oh. I'm not going to tell you what I thought I heard.
Boss: Good morning.
Me: <desperately tries to stop laughing>
Colleague: Oh. I think I know what you thought I said...
Me:

 

[EltonFrog]

Mrs Cube. " the toilet seat has broken, and it hasn't half nipped my bum. Can you get a new one?"
Me " Oh goody, my favourite job. I've now got to kneel down with my head in the toilet, trying desperately to unscrew those plastic nuts off the bolt which'll be ****- ridden and rusty. I'll fetch some gloves in from the garage."
Mrs Cube " and the bath plug has come off the chain again. "
Me " oh, marvellous, I only mended it a week ago."
Mrs Cube " it came off in my hand. "

One trip to Wickes later
Me. " F*cks sake, who the f*ck would fit a toilet seat bolt with a f*cking galvanised square nut. I can't get a purchase on it to unscrew it. *
Bramble . Pant pant wag.
Me "Perhaps I can reach under with the adjustable spanner?"
Bramble Pant, wag, pant.
Me " it's seized f*cking solid. B@stard thing. "
Bramble Wag pant pant.
Me " F*cking * f*cking *****. Double f*ck. "
Bramble quizzical head on one side glance.
Me "I'll have to hacksaw it off from the f*cking top. How the f*ck do I do that without damaging the pedestal? F*cks sake!"

A hour later, having just about managed to hacksaw through the bolts, despite only being able to use about threeinches of the cutting edge in the space i had, only to discover what I thought were washers were actually flanges attached to the bolts, which then had to be levered off with a big screwdriver, the phone rang.

Mrs Cube " Have you fixed the toilet seat?"
Me " Yes. Did you say it nipped your arse?"
Mrs Cube " Yes. It hurt actually."
Me "Good. "

You should listen to Bramble, he seems to be making complete sense to me.

 

[Hyslop]

N ot a conversation as such,but today whilst at the lights,a van passed in front of me with"Mobile Carpet Library"written on the side.I blinked,read it again and thought well,actually that s not such a bad idea,and certainly the next time we need a carpet I ll remember the firm.Unless of course they were fictional carpets and the van was empty!Promise it s true-Clipston Carpets!

 

[perplexed]

The supermarket checkout. The fella on the till is eyeing one of my purchases with some suspicion.

Checkout: (still eyeing me up) Punching buttons on the thingy.

Me: Everything ok?

Checkout: Hhhmmm (more button punching)

Me: (noticing the expanding queue) Ok there?

Checkout: (Finally admitting defeat) What do you call this? (Holds up the offending article)

Me: It's Pak Choi.

Checkout: (with some disbelief) A what?

Me: Pak Choi.

Checkout: Not a chilli?

Me: No, Pak Choi... (Some giggling from queue)

Checkout: Is it a vegetable then?

Me: Er, yeah...

Checkout: What was it again?

Me: Pak Choi...

Checkout: Sounds a rum 'un to me, well dodgy...

'Bleep'

Me: (To myself, Gawd that was hard work) Checkout is still gently shaking his head as I exit stage left shoving my trolly whilst trying to avoid the double glazing saleswoman...

 

[John the Monkey]

N ot a conversation as such,but today whilst at the lights,a van passed in front of me with"Mobile Carpet Library"written on the side.I blinked,read it again and thought well,actually that s not such a bad idea,and certainly the next time we need a carpet I ll remember the firm.Unless of course they were fictional carpets and the van was empty!Promise it s true-Clipston Carpets!

In Cheadle, there's a company called "The Blind Man", and they have a van liveried with that.

Even though I realise it's because they sell window blinds, I still do a worried double take when I see it driving along.

 

[Lanzecki]

Checkout: Sounds a rum 'un to me, well dodgy...

Obviously a posh one. he didn't use "Innit" or "Like"

You know what one is saying