Give me some dialogue from your day

[Octet]

At the moment I'm trying to resolve an issue by using the Microsoft online chat support (God help us....), after spending a few minutes on it, it becomes very apparent that they are using a foreign "call" centre by the fact that they seem to have a list of inbuilt phrase buttons.

Most of the conversation consisted of things like;

"I got your back here"
"You're our number one priority"
"It's a pleasure helping you here today" <--- That one was given within the first couple of exchanges so I'm guessing Ram pressed the wrong button

 

[fimm]

Colleague A's wife has just had a baby girl.
Colleague B: Are there any photos of N about yet
Colleague A: Well, there are some on Facebook...
Colleague B: Oh, I just thought it would be nice to see some...
Colleague A: Well, she looks like a baby...

 

[swee'pea99]

Me "Good morning. I'm reviewing your detention (goes into spiel about rights and good reason for detention but am cut short)
Her "What the f*ck are you on about?"
Me "Well, it's like this ...."
Her "Just get me a f*cking cup of tea."
Me "You'll be offered a hot drink at breakfast time. I'll fetch you some water if you're thirsty."
Her "I don't drink f*cking water you w@nker."
Me "Well, it's all we offer between meals."
Her "F*ck off then. "
Me (Resumes spiel about detention review. ) "Your solicitor is en route for an interview later. "
Her "It's f*cking sh*t here. You get tea at (hometown). I'm dehydrating, you've got to get me a f*cking tea."
Me "My detention officer offered you a drink ten minutes ago. You told him to stick it up his arse. "
Her "He's a w'nker an'all. This place is sh*t."
Me "I'll let you have the Tripadvisor page, you can leave us a nice review. "
Her "How the f*ck am I going to get home?"
Me "I'll give you a travel warrant if you are stranded. "
Her "You'll drive me home in a f*cking car."
Me "I'm sorry, but I only do good manners usually. Have you thought about the way you talk to people?"
Her "F*ck off."
Me "Well, if there are no more questions?"

Well if you must spend your time with nuns...

 

[gbb]

Me to the wife as we pulled up at the chip shop...
'I'll pay for these tonight'
'No, its ok, I'll pay'
'Ok' I shrugged...

I arrived back at the car and gave her a fiver....
'Here you go, I'll pay half'
'Ok, ta....here, hang on, you offered to pay for the lot '
'..you had your chance and missed it...youre still a fiver up '
Wife gave me that.. look.

 

[Pat "5mph"]

At least we all now know where Pat 5mph has been all day.

Did you forget the @ before my name? Can't hear you without it, you know?

 

[SteCenturion]

Just waiting for the train following the Kings of Leon gig & viewing the passers by, her indoors says, look at him wearing the long Steve shirt.

 

[Nigel-YZ1]

Processor: "This software is rubbish in fact it's worse, it's shoot, I can't believe how bad it is..." and on and on and on and on and on and on.... You get the idea. Just won't shut the fark up!
Me: "Well, there's a choice. You either work with the writers to make it better and sort the problems, or you work on killing yourself from a blood pressure related problem. I choose to work with the writers."

 

[TVC]

Did you forget the @ before my name? Can't hear you without it, you know?

I expected someone would tell you

 

[Pat "5mph"]

I expected someone would tell you

Nay, no grassing on CC, was just passing by

 

[vernon]

Setting the scene - it was 00:05 this morning and I was on the 18:15 train from Aberdeen to Leeds. The train was in York station and I'd got up to walk a couple of carriages down and back to stretch my legs. On my return a passenger had go on and was sitting in the window seat next to me and the two seats opposite him were filled with his rucksack and assorted luggage and reading one of my magazines that I'd left on the table:

Him irritably: Hey man! There's lots of empty seats in this carriage. Why pick this seat?
Me calmly: Because it's mine.
Him arrogantly: Like you've got it booked or something.
Me calmly: Yes, for the past six hours actually.
Him cynically: Really?
Me hyper calmly: I silently point to the reservation ticket behind my head.
Him flustered: Man, I'm sorry. It's that I've had bad experiences on trains.
Me with winning hand: I know what you mean. You're giving me one right now.
Him meekly: I think I'd better move.
Me playing trump card: It's like you said. There's lots of empty seats in this carriage. Why pick this seat? And while you're at it I'll have my magazine back thanks.

He gets up and I rise to let him get out and shuffle rearwards down the carriage with his luggage.

Sheesh, some folk!

 

[Arch]

We were joking at work about how we should have a 'recycling team top trumps' - as we all have different strong points. Like Steve has cool hair (dreads). Steve and Jonny are both tall (hanndy for getting stuff into the big skips. All the guys are stronger than me. Ellen got chatted up twice on Wednesday's round.

There was a pause, and Steve said

"There's got to be something Sue's good at..."

He was joking. But I refrained from saying "yeah, like turning up on time, eating breakfast *before* I start work and very very rarely being ill.."

In the end we settled on 'remembering binstore door codes (around a dozen during the week), and sorting box contents (which is official since we had a timed competition)'.

 

[stephec]

Did you forget the @ before my name? Can't hear you without it, you know?

After that conversation he didn't dare put it in just in case you saw it.

 

[gbb]

We're visiting a factory in Valencia looking at new machinery yesterday..
We're in an italian resturaunt, have ordered food and drink which promptly arrives.
David, (Da'vid) our host, laughs as he holds up his beer...
'Whats going on ?..we have three english guys drinking coke...and a spaniard drinking beer'
One of my colleagues Instantly replied...
'But you're spanish, and know when to stop '..playing on a stereotypical view of ourselves.

Today...home..carboot sale...
'How much for those please ?'..looking at a used but true Pro-Lite front wheel and two brand new Shwalbe Blizzard tyres...
'Tenner..£4 for the wheel, £3 each for the tyres'
''Excellent'...as I handed over a tenner.
'Lovely, my husband will be pleased, i thought id be taking them home'
'No chance , thankyou'

 

[SteCenturion]

We're visiting a factory in Valencia looking at new machinery yesterday..
We're in an italian resturaunt, have ordered food and drink which promptly arrives.
David, (Da'vid) our host, laughs as he holds up his beer...
'Whats going on ?..we have three english guys drinking coke...and a spaniard drinking beer'
One of my colleagues Instantly replied...
'But you're spanish, and know when to stop '..playing on a stereotypical view of ourselves.

Today...home..carboot sale...
'How much for those please ?'..looking at a used but true Pro-Lite front wheel and two brand new Shwalbe Blizzard tyres...
'Tenner..£4 for the wheel, £3 each for the tyres'
''Excellent'...as I handed over a tenner.
'Lovely, my husband will be pleased, i thought id be taking them home'
'No chance , thankyou'

Sounds like it could soon be re-written, "my now estranged husband...."

 

[Saluki]

In tesco today shop assistant talking to a customer about a 'works' sweepstake.
shop assistant:Who have you got:
Customer:Uraguay, Chili and somewhere else, I can't remember. What about you?
Shop assistant: England and France
Customer: That's your luck
Customer then turned to me and said "What about you love?"
Me: What about me?
Shop assistant: Works sweepstake, who did you get?
Me: Oh, Froome, Contador and Nibali.
Shop assistant (looking confused) took my goods: That'll be £1.34 please