Give me some dialogue from your day

[Cubist]

PC B** "Has anyone told you about the lightbulb in the ladies' toilet?
Me: "Yeah, I rang facilities. It's an obsolete fitment, but they'll be here tomorrow"
PC B** "Oh great. We'll manage I suppose."
Me "At least we can debunk the theory that you can't find it with both hands in the dark....."
PC B** "Oh very funny Boss!"
pause
PC B** "Boss?"
Me "Yes?"
PC B** "Can I have some new batteries for my torch?"
Me "Pass me that cloth will you, I've got coffee on my keyboard."

 

[GrumpyGregry]

picture the scene. my car is parked in a Tesco's car park adjacent to the leisure centre where our jogging club meets. (good grief you don't think I'd shop there!) there are two empty spaces either side of it. there is a man reading/sending a text standing immediately behind my car in the 'road' of the car park and cars parked in front of it.

Me: Evening
Him: ugh!
I unlock door and get in. He hasn't moved. I count to 10. He hasn't moved. I start the engine. He doesn't move. I slowly wind down the window. He hasn't moved.
Me: Excuse me, do you think you could move please?
Him: ugh!
Me: (louder) Excuse me I'd like to reverse and your...
Him: (interrupting) Where's the fire mate?
Me: No fire. I just want to go home
Him: Can't you see I'm ****ing busy?
Me: Well, could you go and be busy there (pointing to the empty space next to my car)
Him: What is your ****ing problem?
Me: (gets out of car) I haven't got one but I can be your problem if you want.
Him: Alright. For ****s sake keep your hair on I'm just sending a text.
Me: just.move.then
Him: Oh right. I'm in your way? Yeah. Sorry mate. (Moves)

I can only conclude that in a former life I was whichever was the norse god of cockwombles. I swear I attract them.

 

[subaqua]

Subaqua, I've noticed a theme in your posts....

yes , the current Client is a bit lot of a nobber. although any government agency is i suppose.
what the client rep doesnt see is the stupid hours put in by me to ensure the dates are met when he changes his mind about something trivial that involves major works but because the way the contracts are written we can't refuse to do the works . its not as if we cabn ask for an extension of time either 27th July ( actually 27th June for completion of everything on the park with 1 month to polish the buttons) and this has to be ready otherwise nobody sees the opening.

I still remember what RIBA actually means

 

[subaqua]

him: beeeep and pointing to tax disc and mouthing something that makes me think he needs to stop a boat, as i have arrived at lights in primary position.
me : sorry mate 20 past 6 and then turn left at the chicken
him : completely bemused look and more mouthing animatedly
me : trying not to fall off bike laughing as i carry on when the lights change.

 

[marafi]

Me- Must train myself to be able to withstand, the distance to cycle to uni
Friend-Without getting yourself killed
Me- I won't die easily
Friend- You never know cars these days.
Me- I have a camera
Friend- And a camera is really going to save your life on the road
Me- I KNOW FIRST AID!

Me and my friend keep on debating on this point. She wants to join me in cycling also after the debate. Honstely..

 

[ColinJ]

Me- Must train myself to be able to withstand, the distance to cycle to uni

It isn't cycling to uni that's the real problem, it's stopping some lowlife trashing or nicking your bike when you get there!

 

[ACS]

student teacher: What does your dad do?

pupil: He teaches economics

student teacher: Home economics?

pupil: No international economics

student teacher: foreign food then?

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Me (after IT had been at my laptop): Hi, some of the keys aren't working right.
IT: Over on the right?
Me: Yeah
IT: Try the number lock key
Me: Ahhhh

*thinks - aarrrggghhh you fuggin' dozy twonk, at least you didn't ask where the 'any' key was - what a maroon!*

 

[Speicher]

TBM - did they also ask you to write click?

 

[Lisa21]

Me answering the phone in work..." good afternoon, ********** ****"
Foreign call-center worker on 'tother end..."oh good afternoon, am i speaking to your owner?"
Me..."sorry?"
FCCW...Your owner. Boss? am i speaking to the boss please?
Me...no, sorry, your not
FCCW...can i speak to your boss?
Me...no, sorry, you cant
FCCW..why cant i speak to your boss?
Me..because he is 100 years old, and does not want to be disturbed by call center workers.
FCCW..if I ring tomorrow can i speak to your boss?
Me...no, but you might be able to speak to his secretary.
FCCW...your not his secretary?
Me..no, im not.She will be in in the morning.
FCCW...are you his mother?
Me...i sincerely hope not, seeing as i have just told you he is 100 years old
FCCW...you are not being a very helpful lady to me today
Me...really?? well whenever I have had the misfortune to have to ring a callcenter nobody ever seems very helpful to me either....
FCCW...click.....brrrrrrrr.......

 

[Headgardener]

[QUOTE 1697811, member: 45"]The spider phone rings in our conference room....

Good afternoon, <team name>?...

<unintelligible waffle>

I'm sorry, can I take your name?

What's your name? Are you listening to me on a speaker??

Yes, you've called a conference room. Can I take your name?

You're listening to me on a speaker!!

Yes sir, you've called a conference phone.

Turn the speaker off!!

I can't sir, it's a conference phone. Who were you trying to reach?

What's your name??

My name is <...........>, what's your name sir?

You're listening to me on a speaker!!

Yes sir, you've called a conference phone.

<unintelligible waffle>....<dialling tone>[/quote]Some people just don't listen to what they're being told.

This didn't happen to me but to our receptionist

"How may I help you" to caller.

"what is wrong with your hearing aid".

"yes but what is wrong with your hearing aid".

"right but I need to know what is wrong with it".

"very well could you come in tomorrow afternoon".

At which point I had walked out of earshot so didn't catch any more.

 

[GrasB]

On the phone to a hardware service engineer
SE: What is the fault with your laptop?
Me: The internal screen is corrupted from the moment the laptop is turned on. The display on an external monitor is fine both through the VGA port & a docking station. I've run the video BIST & have the following error codes ....
SE: *some typing heard* Okay, is the problem intermittent?
Me: *thinks - oh god this is going to take a long time* No
SE: Does this happen when you plug an LCD into the VGA port.
Me: No
SE: Do you have a docking station?
Me: Yes & the display is fine when a monitor is plugged into the docking station.
SE: Is the display corrupted when an LCD is plugged into the docking station.
Me: No & I just told you that.
SE: Can you boot the laptop up & hold down D to do a BIST test on the video card.
Me: *sigh* the error codes are ...
SE: please run the tests through fully before reporting the error numbers
Me: I ran the test 3 times before phoning you, those error numbers are the same
SE: please run the test now or I'm ending this call
Me: I'm ending this call *puts phone down*

re-dialed hardware support immediately & had a service call out number after saying the first line to the new technician.

 

[marafi]

*picking up the home phoneline* I never understand why we even have a phoneline it seems a waste of money now that we all have mobile phones now.
Me- Hello
Person on the line- Are you the house owner of your property?
Me-Yes
Person- do you have a mortage?
Me-Yes
Person-How much is your mortage?
Me-Yes
Person- Is yes the only word you know?
Me-YES *put the phone down* And thankfully never heard from him again.

 

[marafi]

It isn't cycling to uni that's the real problem, it's stopping some lowlife trashing or nicking your bike when you get there!

Well suprizingly i look very scary, especially at night according to the public while walking pass me. I have bike lights and well it seems they want to go to the other side of the road when i walk pass them. A shame really cos i would not hurt a fly well in my views. When im on the bike though its heavy and the locks i use. If needed for self defence i will use it, if im ever attacked like any human being would.

Still though, marjority is on the Regents Canal and its good to know a few, well a few helpful street names.

 

[Crackle]

Me accompanying my son on a 2.5 mile x-country uphill run with the school club in an effort to get him running.

Physically Fit Women Running With us: "So do you do much running"
me: "It depends"
Her: begins to chat nicely
me: chats back
Then it begins to go uphill
Her: Still chatting
Me: Conversation getting clipped
nearing top
Her: Still chatting
Me: nuuurrrfff
Her "what?"
Me: Splutter, nergfff
Begins to go downhill
Me: Managing clipped snippets again
Me: aahh, ooohh......oooof! I said as I was tripped by a ditzy Labrador who wanted to say hello. I nearly stayed up but not quite and rolled spectacularly head over heels before being licked manically.
Her: Are you OK
Son: pfffffftttttt, chortle, ...."you OK dad....", Chortle

Well, they won't forget my first run out with them, anyway.

I'm taking the dog next time, he generally distracts other dogs and keeps them away from me.