GrumpyGregry
Here for rides.
Not allowed to say.
Give me some dialogue from your day
- Thread starter Crackle
- Start date
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jayonabike
Powered by caffeine & whisky
- Location
- Hertfordshire
Me: 1 tea and 1 americano with hot milk
Girl behind the counter: Anything else?
Me: Yeah, a tuna baguette & a blueberry muffin please.
Girl behind the counter: Anything else?
Me: Yeah, a tuna baguette & a blueberry muffin please.
Chromatic
Legendary Member
- Location
- Gloucestershire
Enough said!Not allowed to say.
- Location
- Next door to Mr Benn at No 54
Me: Mind your head!
Her: Why?
Me: It could be difficult filling in the accident report form. How would we explain that the hungry caterpillar fell on your head?
Her: Why?
Me: It could be difficult filling in the accident report form. How would we explain that the hungry caterpillar fell on your head?
subaqua
What’s the point
- Location
- Leytonstone
9am
Security system install manager: i must have the isolators on at 1pm.
Me: theres a shutdown at 1pm
SSIM: I don't care the isolators must be turned on at 1pm
Me: fine i will turn them on at 1pm.
1.05 pm
SSIM : why is there no power i told you i needed the isolators on at 1.
me : I turned the isolators on at 12.59 , and the power went off on the planned shutdown at 1.00.
I love it when they don't listen properly or ask properly for what they actually want
Security system install manager: i must have the isolators on at 1pm.
Me: theres a shutdown at 1pm
SSIM: I don't care the isolators must be turned on at 1pm
Me: fine i will turn them on at 1pm.
1.05 pm
SSIM : why is there no power i told you i needed the isolators on at 1.
me : I turned the isolators on at 12.59 , and the power went off on the planned shutdown at 1.00.
I love it when they don't listen properly or ask properly for what they actually want
Me: The buyer has bought in 330m of 135mm wide, 5thou Nomex when I need 132mm wide for the job.
Materials Manager: Idiot, why did he do that?
Me: Because the Bill of Materials calls for 135 even though the bobbin is only 132 wide.
Materials Manager: So the Bill is wrong?
Me: Yep!
Materials Manager: Who was the Designer?.... It was Darren wasn't it?
Me: How did you guess?
Materials Manager: Oh FFS.
(We love Darren, we do. He makes everyone else look so good)
Materials Manager: Idiot, why did he do that?
Me: Because the Bill of Materials calls for 135 even though the bobbin is only 132 wide.
Materials Manager: So the Bill is wrong?
Me: Yep!
Materials Manager: Who was the Designer?.... It was Darren wasn't it?
Me: How did you guess?
Materials Manager: Oh FFS.
(We love Darren, we do. He makes everyone else look so good)
subaqua
What’s the point
- Location
- Leytonstone
best get busy with the scissors and a bit o french chalk
That's not funny, the Nomex cost £275 and is non returnable. We have a guillotine so it is a bit better than using scissors.
Archie_tect
De Skieven Architek... aka Penfold + Horace
- Location
- Northumberland
Ah, but who noticed the mistake before the order was placed and didn't say anything.....
subaqua
What’s the point
- Location
- Leytonstone
That's not funny, the Nomex cost £275 and is non returnable. We have a guillotine so it is a bit better than using scissors.
try one guy who ordered an extra 10 metres of cable on each run , wiuth 150 runs , with the cable at £250 per metre. bean counters were not impressed. Not on Current project though so not taxpayer funded mistake.
biggest one was where an X on an order cost £70K ( plus the delays to the programme) as it meant a return of made to order valves for threaded instead of compression
Not me but an "engineer"
Cubist
Still wavin'
- Location
- Ovver 'thill
Me: What about the blue car we've seized that has the same reg as the red one he was driving last time we locked him up?
Hapless F*ckwit Detective:. "It's not blue, it's red."
Me: It says on the file that it was blue, and CPS have decided not to charge because it was blue and the witness said it was red.
DC F*wit: "It's definitely red."
Me: Why did we tell CPS it was blue?
DC F*Wit : It was DC ****** that did the file.
Me: Is he working?
DC F*Wit: He's day off Boss.
Me: Has anyone actually looked at this car?
DC F*Wit : DC ***** did. He searched it yesterday.
Me: Did he notice what f*cking colour it was then?
DC F*Wit: I expect so. But he'd already submitted the file to CPS by then
Me: So let me get this straight. We seized a red car used in the theft yesterday, and seen by a key witness at the last theft these people committed?
DC F*Wit: Yes
Me: And DC ***** told CPS it was blue, so they decided not to charge him?
DC F*Wit: Yes.
Me: Well we can sleep safe in our f*cking beds when you two are on the case can't we!
Hapless F*ckwit Detective:. "It's not blue, it's red."
Me: It says on the file that it was blue, and CPS have decided not to charge because it was blue and the witness said it was red.
DC F*wit: "It's definitely red."
Me: Why did we tell CPS it was blue?
DC F*Wit : It was DC ****** that did the file.
Me: Is he working?
DC F*Wit: He's day off Boss.
Me: Has anyone actually looked at this car?
DC F*Wit : DC ***** did. He searched it yesterday.
Me: Did he notice what f*cking colour it was then?
DC F*Wit: I expect so. But he'd already submitted the file to CPS by then
Me: So let me get this straight. We seized a red car used in the theft yesterday, and seen by a key witness at the last theft these people committed?
DC F*Wit: Yes
Me: And DC ***** told CPS it was blue, so they decided not to charge him?
DC F*Wit: Yes.
Me: Well we can sleep safe in our f*cking beds when you two are on the case can't we!
ColinJ
Puzzle game procrastinator!
- Location
- Todmorden - Yorks/Lancs border
I remember seeing a shamefaced new buyer walking out of the company office block with a cardboard box containing his possessions, and get into a waiting taxi. Apparently, he'd recently discovered that you can purchase widgets at a much better price if you buy several million of them at a time! Granted, we only needed 10,000 widgets a year, but hey, we could always save them for a rainy day! It wasn't just the tens of thousands of pounds he'd tied up in stock which would last us over a century, it was the not insignificant problem of where to store thousands of boxes of widgets for 100 years ...try one guy who ordered an extra 10 metres of cable on each run , wiuth 150 runs , with the cable at £250 per metre. bean counters were not impressed. Not on Current project though so not taxpayer funded mistake.
biggest one was where an X on an order cost £70K ( plus the delays to the programme) as it meant a return of made to order valves for threaded instead of compression
potsy
Rambler
- Location
- My Armchair
Talking to the hoover again Ian?
snorri
Legendary Member
- Location
- East coast, up a bit.
At sea today on a boat I had not been on for some time, a Buzzer sounds and red lamps glow.
Me. I see we have a Gas Alarm , a Main engine oil pressure alarm and a Bilge alarm.
Other guy. Hit the Accept button.
I hit the Accept, the Buzzer stops.
Me. Looks as if we have a problem.
Other guy. No, these alarms are always on.
Me. OK.
Me. I see we have a Gas Alarm , a Main engine oil pressure alarm and a Bilge alarm.
Other guy. Hit the Accept button.
I hit the Accept, the Buzzer stops.
Me. Looks as if we have a problem.
Other guy. No, these alarms are always on.
Me. OK.
