Give me some dialogue from your day

[GrumpyGregry]

Him: I've done it!
Me: Good, lets have a look.
Him: Here it is.
Me: Thanks. Err ... what's this? This makes no sense, I could be wrong but it doesn't seem to take into account feedback from the others
Him: It's what you asked me for.
Me: Where are other peoples's feedback?
Him: You asked me to produce this report and I have
Me: I asked you to produce this report using a four step process involving consultation with the other departments in step two. I discussed this and agreed it with you. You took notes. You wrote the four steps down and read them back to me. So there would be no misunderstand over the approach.
Him: I decided not to follow the first three steps. I think it is fine as it is. You are just being picky.
Me: Step into my office...

 

[GrumpyGregry]

Does it have 101 on the door?

Only a sign marked "Exit"

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Only a sign marked "Exit"

10th floor, external wall?

 

[GrumpyGregry]

10th floor, external wall?

true dat.

 

[GrasB]

2 students: open a door & walk into a quiet foyer area talking quite loudly. "...eal experience. Tom has such a firm but fluid stroke, I must ask him out again."
rep to me & my colleague: "very liberal workplace you have here"
2 students: about turn & almost run out the door.

(they were talking about rowing)

 

[rich p]

Can I have the mini-breakfast please?
Do you mean a small breakfast?
Err, yes.
Beans or tomatoes?
Beans.
Tea or coffee?
Tea - not much milk please.
Mug or cup?
Mug
Okay
Thanks
Is that strong enough?
Yes
Sure? If it isn't I'll drink it and make you another one.
No really, that's fine.


(This is how I imagine Twitter is, or a reworking of a Pinter play)

 

[Arch]

From Tuesday in fact:

Boss: Oh, that's not working, we couldn't get it up yesterday.
Me: Hang on...
Boss, I'll be impressed if you get it up.
Me: Gently, gently...
Boss: Hey, you're getting it up!
Me: Hold on, don't count your chickens yet...
Me: There!
Boss: Ah, it took a woman's touch...

We were discussing a roller shutter on the building, raised by turning a handle inside. Sometimes, they slip.

 

[gbb]

Me to self...

'Ohhhhh, FFSSSSSSSSSSS, jesus christ woman, shut the (expletive deleted) up'...

Followed by the click of my car radio being turned off.

I do this most mornings on the way to work....Vanessa Feltz does things to me...and they're not nice.
Jesus wept, she just drones on and on...and on, and on, and on.....

 

[Cubist]

We have a poster at work, listing 'natural' cleaning solutions (vinegar and bicarb feature strongly). To get rid of smells, it recommends "Burn Candles", but it's in a homey 'handwritten' font, and looks just like Bum Candles.

A sort of rugby players' version of Hopi ear candles?

 

[Chromatic]

Him: I've done it!
Me: Good, lets have a look.
Him: Here it is.
Me: Thanks. Err ... what's this? This makes no sense, I could be wrong but it doesn't seem to take into account feedback from the others
Him: It's what you asked me for.
Me: Where are other peoples's feedback?
Him: You asked me to produce this report and I have
Me: I asked you to produce this report using a four step process involving consultation with the other departments in step two. I discussed this and agreed it with you. You took notes. You wrote the four steps down and read them back to me. So there would be no misunderstand over the approach.
Him: I decided not to follow the first three steps. I think it is fine as it is. You are just being picky.
Me: Step into my office...

Am I the only one who would quite like to read how it went after he stepped into Greg's office?

 

[rich p]

Bit too snappy for Pinter I would have said. Every line should end with ...

My new Lewes pit-stop. The Kasbah cafe in the High Street since there is no-one offering fry-ups in Cooksbridge these days!

 

[rich p]

I was warned off that one as the black pepper on the scrambled egg was normally fag ash but that may be historic and apocryphal.

 

[BigonaBianchi]

Me as I leave to ride 45 mile loop...
"Oh..how wonderful..the flags are still horizontal"

 

[Maz]

Me: Hiya, my name's Masood.
Bloke: Hey, hey, I didn't get my post this morning. You on strike today, eh, eh?
Me: Hey, hey, good one, that! Hey, eh?!

 

[GrasB]

Motorist: Why you need a light like that? I saw you a mile off.
Me: Great, thanks for letting me know! So I'm not invisible.
Motorist: *pauses & looks confused* No...
Me: Green! *rides off*
Next motorist in line : *beeps the horn*

... Yes I'm evil