threebikesmcginty
Corn Fed Hick...
- Location
- ...on the slake
Give me some dialogue from your day
- Thread starter Crackle
- Start date
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Cubist
Still wavin'
- Location
- Ovver 'thill
Indeed. All those things that we use on a regular basis. I won't miss the caffetierre (insipid french filth
) Mrs C decides these need to live in a cupboard that also houses the foodmixer, the Indian bread rack, four or five thermoses of varying size and no less than six Alu Sigg bottles. There's a huge pan and a casserole in there as well as a handmixer, some bizzarre thing one of her friends gave her that appears to be some sort of ceremonial dildo, but actually says it's a herb and spice blender designed by Jamie f*cking Olliver, and a circa 1970s floral fondue pot complete with spirit burner. The cupboard is one of those corner affairs that you can't open the door on properly, and is positioned in such a way that when I kneel down to rummage in it the glare from the lights gets behind my glasses and I can't see into it properly. If I'm in a bit of a hurry the one thing that we all use regularly has been pushed right to the back and buried beneath the Braun coffee mill , the fancy balance scales that no longer work properly, and the new batch of roasting bags that no one has a clue what to do with.Oh, and the slow-cooker.
Archie_tect
De Skieven Architek... aka Penfold + Horace
- Location
- Northumberland
That's in the garage behind the incense burner and the jos-stick holder.
steve52
I'm back! Yippeee
- Location
- bottesford scunthorpe
bugger that didnt go as well as planed!!
GrumpyGregry
Here for rides.
You could not make this up....
Her: (in the distance) addada adasdad adafdaff
(I ignore her and carry on what I was doing)
Her: ADDADA ADASDAD ADAFDAFF HERE NOW!
Me: I'm sorry (continuing what I'm doing) are you speaking to me?
Her: Yes. I am. Could you come here now.
Me: What for?
Her: I want to speak to you?
Me: (continuing what I'm doing) If you want to speak to me why didn't you just come here rather than standing over there shouting at me?
Her: Are you going to come here or not?
Me: OK just a second
Her: NOW.
Me: Where's the fire?
I go over to her. She and her buddy are PCSOs.
Her: What are you doing?
Me: Talking to you
Her: Joker are we?
Me: No. Not especially.
Her: What is you name and address?
Me: (taken aback): I'm sorry what do you want my name and address for?
Her: For a check
Me: A check for what?
Her: Are you going to give me your name and address?
Me: I'd rather not, until you explain why you want it.
Her: What were you doing?
Me: When?
Her: Just now before I called you over
Me: Oh then, what did it look like I was doing to you?
Her: I don't know sir (dripping with sarcasm) why don't you explain.
Me: I was riding round and round in circles, in the near dark, under the lights in a deserted park practising wheelies and track stands. Then you came along.
Her: We've had reports of anti-social behaviour in this park.
Me: (Sighs - long pause) Are you saying that riding a bike in the park at night is now anti-social?
(as if by magic whoosh a cyclist goes past on the nearby path)
Me: Are they anti-social?
Her: They weren't riding like you, they weren't a potential nuisance.
Me: and I am?
Her: Are you going to give me your name and address?
(I stare past her into space counting slowly to 100)
Me: To whom was I being a nuisance?
Her: You were seen on the cameras
Me: and you came to investigate?
Her: You haven't got any lights on it.
Me: I've got one on the rear but it isn't turned on. I'm in a park. Not much need for lights here.
Her: You need lights at night
Me: Not in the park, not under these lights.
Her: But you will when you leave
Me: Not if I don't ride on the roads
Her: Then how will you get home, it is illegal to ride on the pavements as someone your age should know.
Me: That's a rather ageist statement isn't it? (Takes out smart phone) Besides I will wheel it home (I live less than 100m from park entrance)
Her mate: What's that?
Me: It's my BlackBerry.
Her mate: Put the phone away sir.
Mw: I want to make a note of your badge numbers on it
Her mate: Why is that?
Me: So I can pop into the station over there (nods in direction of police station just on the other side of the park) and make a complaint about you two.
Her mate: I want your name and address now. Get off the bike.
Me: Nope. (I give her my name and address rapidly, she doesn't write it down)
Me: Because...
Me: ... I'm off.
Three seconds later I'm lost in the pitch dark in the centre of the park en route to the police station. The front office is closed after 18:00. Never mind, there is always the interwebs and I know some of the senior plod there. (who will give me a bollocking for being stroppy.)
What a weirdo, riding a mountain bike in the park, (ok at night in the dark, but it gets dark really early these days and I didn't get back from work until after dusk.) I mean really, with the frost on the ground I bet I even broke some grass.
Her: (in the distance) addada adasdad adafdaff
(I ignore her and carry on what I was doing)
Her: ADDADA ADASDAD ADAFDAFF HERE NOW!
Me: I'm sorry (continuing what I'm doing) are you speaking to me?
Her: Yes. I am. Could you come here now.
Me: What for?
Her: I want to speak to you?
Me: (continuing what I'm doing) If you want to speak to me why didn't you just come here rather than standing over there shouting at me?
Her: Are you going to come here or not?
Me: OK just a second
Her: NOW.
Me: Where's the fire?
I go over to her. She and her buddy are PCSOs.
Her: What are you doing?
Me: Talking to you
Her: Joker are we?
Me: No. Not especially.
Her: What is you name and address?
Me: (taken aback): I'm sorry what do you want my name and address for?
Her: For a check
Me: A check for what?
Her: Are you going to give me your name and address?
Me: I'd rather not, until you explain why you want it.
Her: What were you doing?
Me: When?
Her: Just now before I called you over
Me: Oh then, what did it look like I was doing to you?
Her: I don't know sir (dripping with sarcasm) why don't you explain.
Me: I was riding round and round in circles, in the near dark, under the lights in a deserted park practising wheelies and track stands. Then you came along.
Her: We've had reports of anti-social behaviour in this park.
Me: (Sighs - long pause) Are you saying that riding a bike in the park at night is now anti-social?
(as if by magic whoosh a cyclist goes past on the nearby path)
Me: Are they anti-social?
Her: They weren't riding like you, they weren't a potential nuisance.
Me: and I am?
Her: Are you going to give me your name and address?
(I stare past her into space counting slowly to 100)
Me: To whom was I being a nuisance?
Her: You were seen on the cameras
Me: and you came to investigate?
Her: You haven't got any lights on it.
Me: I've got one on the rear but it isn't turned on. I'm in a park. Not much need for lights here.
Her: You need lights at night
Me: Not in the park, not under these lights.
Her: But you will when you leave
Me: Not if I don't ride on the roads
Her: Then how will you get home, it is illegal to ride on the pavements as someone your age should know.
Me: That's a rather ageist statement isn't it? (Takes out smart phone) Besides I will wheel it home (I live less than 100m from park entrance)
Her mate: What's that?
Me: It's my BlackBerry.
Her mate: Put the phone away sir.
Mw: I want to make a note of your badge numbers on it
Her mate: Why is that?
Me: So I can pop into the station over there (nods in direction of police station just on the other side of the park) and make a complaint about you two.
Her mate: I want your name and address now. Get off the bike.
Me: Nope. (I give her my name and address rapidly, she doesn't write it down)
Me: Because...
Me: ... I'm off.
Three seconds later I'm lost in the pitch dark in the centre of the park en route to the police station. The front office is closed after 18:00. Never mind, there is always the interwebs and I know some of the senior plod there. (who will give me a bollocking for being stroppy.)
What a weirdo, riding a mountain bike in the park, (ok at night in the dark, but it gets dark really early these days and I didn't get back from work until after dusk.) I mean really, with the frost on the ground I bet I even broke some grass.
Lisa21
Mooching.............
- Location
- North Wales
Friend= is it easier to cycle up hill or get off and push?
Me=i think you use a different set of legs when your walking than when you cycle.
Friend= wow...your cool...i only have one pair of legs (!)
Me= muscles..i meant different set of muscles
Friend= oh. legs sounded better...........
Me=i think you use a different set of legs when your walking than when you cycle.
Friend= wow...your cool...i only have one pair of legs (!)
Me= muscles..i meant different set of muscles
Friend= oh. legs sounded better...........
Cubist
Still wavin'
- Location
- Ovver 'thill
Modern day witch hunt.
I spend my entire life trying to persuade the general populace that kids are allowed in parks, so don't you come along acting all difficult.
NormanD
Lunatic Asylum Escapee
- Location
- Heworth the other side of life!
IT = BLEEP!! BLEEP!! BLEEP!!
Me: HUH??
IT = BLEEP!! BLEEP!! BLEEP!!
Me: What the Feck?? FIRE!!? FIRE!!?
IT = BLEEP!! BLEEP!! BLEEP!!
Me: WHACK!!
IT = BLEee!!
Me: It's fecking 5.10am?
IT = "Silence"
Me: The little gits!!
IT = "Silence"
Me: Grandkids have been messing with the alarm clock again!!
It = "Silence"
Me: Yawn!!
IT = "Silence"
Me: Yawn!! scratch!! shuffle back into a comfortable position
IT = BLEEP!! BLEEP BLEEP!!
Me: "Whack" "Click"
IT = BLee!! "Clunk!!
Me: " I'm awake now, it's 5.15am
IT = "Silence"!
Me: drinking coffee, plotting my revenge!!
Me: HUH??
IT = BLEEP!! BLEEP!! BLEEP!!
Me: What the Feck?? FIRE!!? FIRE!!?
IT = BLEEP!! BLEEP!! BLEEP!!
Me: WHACK!!
IT = BLEee!!
Me: It's fecking 5.10am?
IT = "Silence"
Me: The little gits!!
IT = "Silence"
Me: Grandkids have been messing with the alarm clock again!!
It = "Silence"
Me: Yawn!!
IT = "Silence"
Me: Yawn!! scratch!! shuffle back into a comfortable position
IT = BLEEP!! BLEEP BLEEP!!
Me: "Whack" "Click"
IT = BLee!! "Clunk!!
Me: " I'm awake now, it's 5.15am
IT = "Silence"!
Me: drinking coffee, plotting my revenge!!
subaqua
What’s the point
- Location
- Leytonstone
ring ring, ring ring
Me: hello
client M&E manager: why aren't the lights on the escalators on
me : because we are working on the board supplying them until we get told to stop and nobody has said stop
CMEM: how long will it take
Me : an hour , I need an hour.
CMEM so what time will it be on then .
Me : did you just really ask me that!
Me: hello
client M&E manager: why aren't the lights on the escalators on
me : because we are working on the board supplying them until we get told to stop and nobody has said stop
CMEM: how long will it take
Me : an hour , I need an hour.
CMEM so what time will it be on then .
Me : did you just really ask me that!
ColinJ
Puzzle game procrastinator!
- Location
- Todmorden - Yorks/Lancs border
Me: Playing the guitar is very much like making love to a beautiful woman!
Her: How would you know - you can't play the guitar ...
(Pause ...)
Her: ... either!
Me: I, er ...
Her: How would you know - you can't play the guitar ...
(Pause ...)
Her: ... either!
Me: I, er ...
Woman at till: Wow aren't you tall?!
Me: Yup.
Woman: How tall are you?
Me: (fighting the urge to say "this tall") 6'8"
Woman: That's very tall, isn't it?
Me: Yup.
Woman: Do you get a lot of people saying you're tall?
Me: Yup.
Move on to the next shop...
Woman at till: Wow aren't you tall?!
Me: sigh...
Me: Yup.
Woman: How tall are you?
Me: (fighting the urge to say "this tall") 6'8"
Woman: That's very tall, isn't it?
Me: Yup.
Woman: Do you get a lot of people saying you're tall?
Me: Yup.
Move on to the next shop...
Woman at till: Wow aren't you tall?!
Me: sigh...
Fab Foodie
hanging-on in quiet desperation ...
- Location
- Kirton, Devon.
I've been waiting to find something suitable to add to this thread, and something just came-up!
Heard in the office just 2 minutes ago ... "You've distracted me Kevin, I was talking Turmeric"
Heard in the office just 2 minutes ago ... "You've distracted me Kevin, I was talking Turmeric"
coffeejo
Ælfrēd
- Location
- West Somerset
P: Is this the really long, horrible hill?
C: No, not yet.
J: Is this it?
C: No, we've still not got there. You'll know when we have.
P: Was *that* it?
C: No...
P and J splutter
C: ...yes, that was it. Please don't hurt me.
C: No, not yet.
J: Is this it?
C: No, we've still not got there. You'll know when we have.
P: Was *that* it?
C: No...
P and J splutter
C: ...yes, that was it. Please don't hurt me.
MossCommuter
Guru
- Location
- Salford
Me : ...and, so, hopefully, now I explained a bit better you'll understand why it's not possible
Boss : Yes, I can see that now - you were right, it quite simply cannot be done can it
Me : No
Boss : OK, so when will you be able to start?
Boss : Yes, I can see that now - you were right, it quite simply cannot be done can it
Me : No
Boss : OK, so when will you be able to start?
