jhawk
Veteran
- Location
- New Brunswick, Canada
Would this be that shoe shop that jumped out and restrained her?
I know the feeling mate.
Give me some dialogue from your day
- Thread starter Crackle
- Start date
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Would this be that shoe shop that jumped out and restrained her?
I know the feeling mate.
jhawk
Veteran
- Location
- New Brunswick, Canada
Me: "So, what about this Kanye West thing eh?"
Dad: "That guy gets on my nerves so much!"
Me: "Agreed. The only thing that would ruin a Kanye West gig would be the sound of a gun jamming in the darkness."
Dad: "That guy gets on my nerves so much!"
Me: "Agreed. The only thing that would ruin a Kanye West gig would be the sound of a gun jamming in the darkness."
Me -answering phone at work " Good morning, Halfords, how may I help you?"
Customer -" There's an advert on the telly for B&Q
Me -There is?
Customer - Yes, for a black and decker something or other (he mumbled and I forget what it was)
Me - Ok????
Customer - Do you know anything about that?
Me - Not really,
Customer - Well that's odd.
Me - This is Halfords.
Customer - Ok pet, if you can't help, bye then.
Customer -" There's an advert on the telly for B&Q
Me -There is?
Customer - Yes, for a black and decker something or other (he mumbled and I forget what it was)
Me - Ok????
Customer - Do you know anything about that?
Me - Not really,
Customer - Well that's odd.
Me - This is Halfords.
Customer - Ok pet, if you can't help, bye then.
jhawk
Veteran
- Location
- New Brunswick, Canada
"Dad, before I leave on my bike trips, I'd like a picture taken please."
"Call me old fashioned, but, given that it's winter an' all. Aren't we being a bit premature?"
"Well, in fairness, I've always been a bit premature."
"Oh, I see what you did there!"
"Call me old fashioned, but, given that it's winter an' all. Aren't we being a bit premature?"
"Well, in fairness, I've always been a bit premature."
"Oh, I see what you did there!"
If I knew who he was................he would do nowt for me either.
Lanzecki
Über Member
- Location
- A Boreen, Ireland
BigonaBianchi
Yes I can, Yes I am, Yes I did...Repeat.
- Location
- Iskele TRNC & Mordor UK
Witch: I will have to move out because the noise from your bathroom light pull switch wakes me up.
Me: result.
Me: result.
gbb
Squire
- Location
- Peterborough
Couple of weeks ago, while we were having new tray sealing machines installed, each costing circa £110K, chatting with the two engineers that were installing one of them...
'How long to build one of these ?'
'Oh just a week, normally a team of two build, install and commision each machine, that machines yours and you see it through from start to installation at the customer'
'Wow, quite impressive'
'Well thats what normally happens but we're just too
busy so this isn't our machine...Iook at that cable tie,, I dont do mine there, I do mine further up, it makes that loom look tidier'
I'm stood looking in the main panel at a row of contactors, PLC and expansion blocks, overloads, fuses , relays etc and its inevitable mass of very tidy wiring...they're that fussy, a real senseof pride in what they do, so nice to see.
'And see that bolt (as he points to a part of the mechanics of the machine)..I dont use a hexagon head there, i use a cap head, it looks better'
Me...
'How long to build one of these ?'
'Oh just a week, normally a team of two build, install and commision each machine, that machines yours and you see it through from start to installation at the customer'
'Wow, quite impressive'
'Well thats what normally happens but we're just too
busy so this isn't our machine...Iook at that cable tie,, I dont do mine there, I do mine further up, it makes that loom look tidier'
I'm stood looking in the main panel at a row of contactors, PLC and expansion blocks, overloads, fuses , relays etc and its inevitable mass of very tidy wiring...they're that fussy, a real senseof pride in what they do, so nice to see.
'And see that bolt (as he points to a part of the mechanics of the machine)..I dont use a hexagon head there, i use a cap head, it looks better'
Me...
Ganymede
Veteran
- Location
- Rural Kent
Last night, mother and teenage daughter standing looking very cold outside the back of Waterloo station, obviously waiting for someone.
Daughter (worriedly): There's only one Waterloo, isn't there?
Mother: Course there is.
Daughter (worriedly): There's only one Waterloo, isn't there?
Mother: Course there is.
ComedyPilot
Secret Lemonade Drinker
- Location
- The Kingdom of Yorkshire
Cretin: "Send this box to Belgium"........[walks away]
Me: "Might be a good idea to tell me what it is, who the customer is, and what their address is...?"
Manager my farking arse.........
Me: "Might be a good idea to tell me what it is, who the customer is, and what their address is...?"
Manager my farking arse.........
No Problem, @ComedyPilot - write "Belgium" on the label in nice big letters and take it to the post office ... and remember to get a receipt ...
gbb
Squire
- Location
- Peterborough
Wife, daughter who's dropped in and mysef are in the kitchen..
Me...'you didn't realise there was already an unopened jar of beetroot in the cupboard did you?'..(.in a mildly mocking way)
Wife..'What date is on it ?'
Me..( It reads AUG 15)....'August the 15th....
...what bloody good is that, 15th of what ? 2011, 2015, 2013 ?...' 
Wife and daughter, almost in unison...'August 2015 you numpty
'
Me....'
...yeah, just testing '
Me...'you didn't realise there was already an unopened jar of beetroot in the cupboard did you?'..(.in a mildly mocking way)
Wife..'What date is on it ?'
Me..( It reads AUG 15)....'August the 15th....
...what bloody good is that, 15th of what ? 2011, 2015, 2013 ?...' Wife and daughter, almost in unison...'August 2015 you numpty
'Me....'
...yeah, just testing 'Mrs Scoosh made some very nice baked cod for tea this evening. There were 4 pieces of cod.
Mrs S, pointing to each piece of cod in the dish: This piece I understand; this piece I understand; I understand this piece; but I don't understand this one.
Me: ???
Mrs S; That's the piece of cod that passes all understanding !
Mrs S, pointing to each piece of cod in the dish: This piece I understand; this piece I understand; I understand this piece; but I don't understand this one.
Me: ???
Mrs S; That's the piece of cod that passes all understanding !
Lullabelle
Banana
- Location
- Midlands UK
Boss: can you post this parcel for me, oh you need to know what is in it don't you
Me: no, only if it goes abroad and via the post office (how many times does he need to be told)
Me: no, only if it goes abroad and via the post office (how many times does he need to be told)
gbb
Squire
- Location
- Peterborough
Mum and dad are 83, dad is blind and the resulting inability to get round easily have taken a toll on his physical strength, hes become fairly housebound over the years. Yet despite that, he's mentally quite good ..and still a proud man.
He's not been well this last week, he was in bed when we got there yesterday, mum was a bit upset...
'Hows dad mum ?'
'He's not verywell, he's very tetchy, and isnt eating much'
'Have you called the doctor? '
'No, I'm going to ring him in the new year'
'Ring them now mum, what's the point of him struggling all christmas'
'I will'...and that set the ball rolling.
Couple hours later, we went back, docs been and given him a prescription for antibiotics, hes got a bad chest infection. We went off to get his prescription, arrived back, dads now up and looking chirpier...
'How are you dad?'
'Better now the docs been'
'Ok, here's your tablets, take one now, then one, three times a day'
'Ok, leave them on the table, I'll start them in the morning'
''No dad, take one now, get them started, sooner the better'
'Ok, thanks, I will'..and he did.
Mums n dad's eh....
He's not been well this last week, he was in bed when we got there yesterday, mum was a bit upset...
'Hows dad mum ?'
'He's not verywell, he's very tetchy, and isnt eating much'
'Have you called the doctor? '
'No, I'm going to ring him in the new year'
'Ring them now mum, what's the point of him struggling all christmas'
'I will'...and that set the ball rolling.
Couple hours later, we went back, docs been and given him a prescription for antibiotics, hes got a bad chest infection. We went off to get his prescription, arrived back, dads now up and looking chirpier...
'How are you dad?'
'Better now the docs been'
'Ok, here's your tablets, take one now, then one, three times a day'
'Ok, leave them on the table, I'll start them in the morning'
''No dad, take one now, get them started, sooner the better'
'Ok, thanks, I will'..and he did.
Mums n dad's eh....
