Give me some dialogue from your day

[GrasB]

Me: I'm off to bed
OH: Why?
Me: I'm tired
OH: So why don't you do something?
Me: I'm tired!
OH: So then go on a ride or something
Me: But I'm tired
OH: So why are you going to bed?
Me: To.. er.. sleep.
OH: do something that'll wake you up
Me: .. oh shut up
OH:

 

[ColinJ]

Pal: Hi Colin - you know that PC that I was going to give to you?

Colin: Er, yes ...

Pal: I'm going to give it to the computer recycling charity now.

Colin: Oh, er ...

Pal: But if you contact pal #2, he has an even better PC to give to you!

Colin: Oh!

Colin to pal #2: I heard that you have a free PC for me. Thanks! What's the story and what's the spec?

Pal #2: Quad-core processor, 6GB RAM, big HDD etc. I wanted to use some 64-bit music software and it is only a 32-bit system. I went out and treated myself to a S**t-Hot Mac, and wanted to find a good home for the old computer.

Colin: Yes please, and thanks a lot. Merry Christmas!

 

[jhawk]

Not strictly dialogue. But my dear old Aunt posted this on MY FACEBOOK WALL FOR THE WORLD TO SEE.

"Hi Jack, need to share this with your Dad, because I don't think it's fair that I suffer alone. We're in the car park earlier today and a discussion was had on where to park. Granny said, "There was space over there!", my Grandfather replies, "Yeah, but you don't like it up against the pillar!"

Why she chose to put that on my Facebook wall I have no idea. Why... Oh why...

 

[Sandra6]

This is a mash up of several conversations from yesterday evening while we tried to choose a name for the new rabbit.
Me - so, what should we call him?
son no2 - Robotron.
Me - for serious?
Daughter no 2 - Can we call him Taylor (as in Taylor swift) ?
me - ooh, maybe Swift?
Daughter no3 -We should call him Hop, because he hops everywhere.
Son no2 - yes mum, not like all those other rabbits that just walk everywhere.
Mr 6 - The rabbit says his name is Thunder.
He's currently being referred to as a combination of those, I tend to just say "come here rabbit" He seems to respond to that.

 

[Andy_R]

This is a mash up of several conversations from yesterday evening while we tried to choose a name for the new rabbit.
Me - so, what should we call him?
son no2 - Robotron.
Me - for serious?
Daughter no 2 - Can we call him Taylor (as in Taylor swift) ?
me - ooh, maybe Swift?
Daughter no3 -We should call him Hop, because he hops everywhere.
Son no2 - yes mum, not like all those other rabbits that just walk everywhere.
Mr 6 - The rabbit says his name is Thunder.
He's currently being referred to as a combination of those, I tend to just say "come here rabbit" He seems to respond to that.

How about "Pie"?

 

[simon the viking]

Me -answering phone at work " Good morning, Halfords, how may I help you?"
Customer -" There's an advert on the telly for B&Q
Me -There is?
Customer - Yes, for a black and decker something or other (he mumbled and I forget what it was)
Me - Ok????
Customer - Do you know anything about that?
Me - Not really,
Customer - Well that's odd.
Me - This is Halfords.
Customer - Ok pet, if you can't help, bye then.

I work in an independent motor factors with 2 branches and.... I often get.... "what about your branch in Burton will they have one?" Our other branch isn't there and I tell them so, but they go on to explain that yes it is and promptly go and tell me exactly what street it is in..... I have to explain that, that is a different company.... They then say something like.... "Would you mind ringing them and seeing if they've got one?"

 

[Scoosh]

We have friends in Oz, whose 5-yr old daughter was not impressed by her father's suggestion of names for their 3 ducks.

• Breakfast
• Lunch
• Dinner

 

[GrasB]

So a guy in a seriously chavy old fiesta had been tailgating me for a while & acting like a c**k when we pull up to some traffic lights

Ultima: metallic scraping sound turning into a ringing. Deep ROOMMM. CRACK! quiet burble…
Chaved up old Fiesta: tyre squeal as he locks up coming to a halt. wheezy rev fart, wheezy rev fart, wheezy rev fart…
Ultima: …quiet burble…
CUOF: ...wheezy rev fart, revs, tyre squeal, splutter, silence
Everyone around: pointing & laughing at the CUOF
Ultima: …slowly rising burble

 

[Andrew_Culture]

2yr old daughter - look the birds are flying home
Me - where do they live?
2yr old daughter - in tiny little houses
*thoughtful pause*
2yr old daughter - daddy is ENORMOUS

 

[ComedyPilot]

Listening to the same person for the last 25 years say 'whatever, I'm not bothered' when asked what he'd like for a starter for a Boxing Day meal is irritating. In fact he says this most of the time at family meals. Irritating non-committal prat.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Bloke on train: She's licking the window. That can't be ideal.

 

[ACS]

Looking out of the living room window late yesterday evening.

Champagne fuelled SWMBO: Look, look at that! A light with a dog attached to it....... Why are you all laughing at me........What?

 

[ComedyPilot]

Same bloke had the temerity to lecture my 5 year old to try Xmas pudding, 'how do you know you don't like it if you don't try?'

His answer to trying brandy sauce.......'I don't like it'

Me, 'have you ever tried it?'

'No.......'

 

[gbb]

Same bloke had the temerity to lecture my 5don't like them'r old to try Xmas pudding, 'how do you know you don't like it if you don't try?'

His answer to trying brandy sauce.......'I don't like it'

Me, 'have you ever tried it?'

'No.......'

In a similar vein, to my grandaughter at dinner...
'You not having parsnips Hollie ?'
'No, I dont like them'
At this stage I always make a big deal of how nice they are..
'I love them, like roast potatoes, but a different taste'
She tries one... 'ooh, theyre quite nice'

I guess we all do it at some stage...nah, dont like em...but never tried them

 

[Cubist]

MIL "They've built a load of houses the other side of the beck, and they've filled a whole lot of them with druggies."
Me "You mean they've got some affordable housing and poor people have moved in? How dreadful. Ow"(kick to shin from Mrs Cube)
MIL "The police are always there. It's awful."
Me "Who's saying all this Nanna? Is it your friends at the WI?"
MIL "That's right. It's dreadful. They built all those big houses and then rows of little houses with Swiss roofs."
Me "Are the people complaining the ones that said they never see a policeman?"
MIL "They're all on drugs. There was one on Jock's shed roof the other morning."
Me "What? One of the WI or one of the policemen? No surprise if they're all on drugs. Ow. Please stop kicking me Dear"
MIL "No, the police had chased him there. He was running in and out of people's gardens. "
Me "How very dare he! What had he done?"
MIL "Drugs. Someone in the hairdressers said the policeman had told her."
Me "Presumably not one of the ones on Jock's shed?"
MIL "No, one of the ones chasing him."
Me "Whoooodathortit? You haven't got any tramadol have you Nanna? I could do with knocking out like you last year.... Ow!!