Give me some dialogue from your day

[Arch]

Following a conversation beween my colleague and a particular guy who likes to go into fanciful subjects, I was trying to stay out of it...they were discussing space and time travel. My colleague was having none of it..I kept schtum.
Today, he had another go at explaining, I was the unfortunate recipient this time...
Him..drawing a square, then drawing a line across it..'this represents space'
Then drawing a line down..'This represents time'
Then drawing lines from corner to corner..'this section represents the past..this section represents the future...its impossible to travel to the past, but if you blah blah blah, you should theoretically be able to the future one day'...as he tapped the section of drawing.
'See what I mean ?'
Me...'No..youve used a drawing to justify a theory. The drawing doesnt help me understand how, it doesn't do anything other than illustrate something I wont ever understand'
'Yebbut (as he starts all over again. ?)..'blah blah blah'
'Yer wasting your time mate..you perhaps understand the theory, I dont even pretend to...I could agree, nod and say yeah...but Ithe picture isnt helping'

he has some interesting thoughts sometimes...sometimes

That's just a copy of the diagram Brian Cox drew in his TV lecture last week. Borrowed from Einstein, I think.

 

[Arch]

And talking of time travel.

We're watching the Dr Who guide on BBC3. The narrator says how the Master always wanted to have the Earth.

NT: If he can travel through all of time and space, why is he bothered about having the Earth?
Me:Well, it's typical of humans, we think the Earth is the most important thing in the worl...
NT: <raised eyebrow>
Me: Oh yeah.
NT: <LOL>

 

[ufkacbln]

I am looking for a Powerchair and nipped out yesterday, stopping at a different l pub that I had not visited before

As is our usual practice I go in and find a table and my wife then joins me on the scooter.

As I sat down I asked the passing bar staff:
"Can you tell me where the Ladies toilet is?"
I got a look that would have frozen ice, and:

"Why do YOU want to know?"

Perhaps explaining that I always liked to sit near the Ladies Toilet was the wrong thing to do, but I did, (and before I could add... as my wife is disabled) I got another one of those looks and she walked off!

Luckily the other girl was more understanding and pointed out a table nearby, but I am sure the first girl thinks I am a pervert

 

[Octet]

Grandmother: Are you still on your push bike?
Me: Yes
Grandfather: I was almost hit by a Lycra Taliban the other day


.... thank you grandad....

 

[ACS]

While my wife and my daughter nipped out to supermarket I was trusted with the care of my 2 grandsons aged 2.5 and 4 years old. My daughters house is adjacent to a woodland area and a wide variety of wildlife visit the various feeders put out to encourage them to visit the garden.

The younger one, who is just starting to join words together was looking out of the window when he suddenly jumps up and down with excitement and delight and shouts at the top of his voice "Tripod, Tripod, Grando, Tripod."

One hearing this his older brother jumps off the couch races to the window looks out and then the both turn to look at me and shout in unison "Tripod!"

Curiosity having got the better of me I joined the boys at the window and as I arrived they turned away and headed off in different directions.

Bewildered I wait for my daughter and wife to return and I recounted the incident. Smiling my daughter revealed that "Tripod" was a name they had given to a 3 legged grey squirrel that visited the garden often looking for food.

 

[BigonaBianchi]

It's that bloke..you know...HIM..

Who...

Yes that's it ..him..

WHO?

That singer bloke..

Yeah but WHO??

Him..you know the the one..

Nah no idea who?

in that band ...Tommy...

Oh...you mean ROGER DALTRY

Yeah him.

 

[betty swollocks]

Underpants buying in TK Maxx:-
Selected black Pringles ones and the shop assistant, female, attractive, eastern european and tidying up the underpants display unit grins at me and says:-
"They my favourite for when I give my boyfriend blowjob."
"Well, if you're offering."
(Very earnestly):- "No, no. Only boyfriend."

 

[Sandra6]

I am the queen of saying the inappropriate to customers - but seriously?!

 

[betty swollocks]

I am the queen of saying the inappropriate to customers - but seriously?!

'Why do you doubt it?"

I work with two eastern European women. They are both dead keen and bright as buttons. Their English however, is fractured but intelligible and they both understand much more than they can speak, or express. But, the most noticeable thing I've observed with them both is their occasional ability, or rather inability, to discern what subjects and what language are appropriate for given situations.
This leads to hilarious results.

 

[Maverick Goose]

Simples!

 

[Speicher]

A N Other: In the meeting room there is a lion eating a freshly-killed gazelle, do you think it should be moved?

Me:

 

[Cubist]

Video conference divisional briefing:
Chair " We'll got to Cubist's patch next. What's happening there Cubist?"
Me "No new hate crimes, no priority crimes, three wanted, all tasked out."
Chair "Dull day?"
Me "How could you call it dull? We had nine calls for service over the last 24 hours, three of which were antisocial behaviour incidents"
Chair "What were the other calls?"
Me " Well, we have had a report of a car with its windows down, some stolen sheep hurdles and a student who has had insects glued to her door."
Chair " Ah"
Me "Luckily we've got it all covered. Not sure we could cope with any more crime waves though."

 

[swee'pea99]

"insects glued to her door"?

 

[Dave 123]

This happened last week...
At work we listen to pop master EVERY day.
Ken Bruce- name the American trio.........?
My dimwit colleague- Lisa Stansfield!

 

[Cubist]

"insects glued to her door"?

Yep. I had to read it twice.

Don't forget it's anti-bullying week.