Give me some dialogue from your day

[jhawk]

You realise dogs can't actually speak English?
They need to learn the commands before you try and give them

I'm well aware that they can't speak English! This one's not a great conversationalist, even at times when he's my only company!

 

[Octet]

I'm well aware that they can't speak English! This one's not a great conversationalist, even at times when he's my only company!

 

[gbb]

Daughter on the phone to her mum..
'Oh yeah, tell dad thanks '
'What for, whats he been up to ?'
'Ask him, he knows..'

I acted dumb..'wha ?? '
'He knows, messing with my windscreen wipers,.i walked back to the car and thought..huh '

I'd been at the local shops and got a jab in my sides..twas my daughter saying hi. I left and walked into the car park...hehe, theres her car .

Didnt half get a funny look from two women as i walked up to her car, lifted a windscreen wiper vertical and walked off...sniggering.

 

[Cubist]

Visiting spectator. "He's offside!"
Me "It's a lineout, there's no offside"
VS "Hes got his hands in the ruck."
Me " He's the scrum half, that's his job."
VS " He can't do that, can he?"
Me "What, drag your player out of the ruck where he's illegally killing the ball?"
Visiting Spectator 2 "fark's sake Steve shuttup!"

 

[colly]

Grand daughter (2y 9m) sitting on my shoulders while out walking yesterday afternoon:

''You've got holes in your hair''

 

[PeteXXX]

As I was fixing the leaky sunroof in my daughters car today, freezing my nuts off, a bunch (? Collective noun) of jehovahs witnesses were canvassing the street.
"Would you like a pamphlet?"
"Does it tell me how to stop water dripping into the car through the sunroof?"
"No, but....err ....no..."
"Well in that case, no thank you"

Exit stage left, muttering J W's

 

[siadwell]

Reading school book about clouds with seven year old daughter.

Me: "Why do you think these are called mare's tails?"
Her: "Don't know"
Me: "Well, do you know what a mare is?"
Her: "Someone with a chain who goes around opening things?"

 

[gbb]

Machine operator, while i'm analysing what's wrong with his machine at 8am this morning...'How long do you think to fix it ?'
'Bearings have seized I think, belt's stripped its teeth as well, maybe 4 hours...even then we may not have a spare belt'
'Four hours!!!, we need this order, the lorries going at 11am '
'You're not packing anything on this machine for the rest of the morning...maybe all day '

A look of despondency came over him...
'Don't worry...I'll go see the manager, let him know it's fooked...they'll have to finish the order later'
He brightened up at that, pressures off him...and its now on me.

 

[Matthew_T]

Last night in Aldi I was waiting in the queue at the till. There is a couple infront of me.

Woman goes and picks up a bag of nacho's.
Man: What are you getting them for?
Woman: To go with the chilli.
Man: Fine then.
Woman: So you have a go at me for not making a decision and then have a go at me when I do?
Man: Just get them.
Woman: Stop having a go at me.
The woman then comes over to the man and kisses him.

It wasnt like I was ear-wigging the convo either, they were talking very loudly right infront of me and were no older then me.
It made me smile though.

 

[simon the viking]

Mum: Is my mobile a smartphone?

Me: Depends who's holding it

 

[BigonaBianchi]

You did know I was coming right?

Erm..no

Ok well here it is

Ok erm ...well

well??

Well it needs to be twice as big and black

Oh.

 

[Lullabelle]

At work today

Lady on other end of phone: hello there I am trying to reach someone in accounts please
Me: There is just me today, can I help?
Lady : Ooh.. luck you, telly on, feet up with a mug of tea?
Me: I wish.
Lady: ha ha we all could do with one of those days couldn't we?
Me: true, but I would just like to point out there is not a tin of Quality Street within reaching distance of my desk

It is good to have a bit of a giggle.

 

[BigonaBianchi]

The work as a gigolo not got off to the best start then?

Tatoo artist mate

 

[coffeejo]

Mentioned to my landlord this afternoon that I'm going out tonight so if the dog barks, they have full permission to tell her off.

Him: Oh not a problem, B and his dog are staying this weekend so she can come in with us and keep the dog company.
Me: Is that wise, putting two idiots together like that?
Him: Do you mean the dogs or B and I?
Me: Could go either way...

Then the landlady joined us and he gave her a précis of the conversation.

Her (to me): Two idiots? Did you mean the dogs or the men?

 

[gbb]

Following a conversation beween my colleague and a particular guy who likes to go into fanciful subjects, I was trying to stay out of it...they were discussing space and time travel. My colleague was having none of it..I kept schtum.
Today, he had another go at explaining, I was the unfortunate recipient this time...
Him..drawing a square, then drawing a line across it..'this represents space'
Then drawing a line down..'This represents time'
Then drawing lines from corner to corner..'this section represents the past..this section represents the future...its impossible to travel to the past, but if you blah blah blah, you should theoretically be able to the future one day'...as he tapped the section of drawing.
'See what I mean ?'
Me...'No..youve used a drawing to justify a theory. The drawing doesnt help me understand how, it doesn't do anything other than illustrate something I wont ever understand'
'Yebbut (as he starts all over again. ?)..'blah blah blah'
'Yer wasting your time mate..you perhaps understand the theory, I dont even pretend to...I could agree, nod and say yeah...but Ithe picture isnt helping'

he has some interesting thoughts sometimes...sometimes