Give me some dialogue from your day

[Cycling Dan]

During training for work there was these different pie chart icons with a different amount of fill to distinguished what they do.

Anyhow we were talking about percentages.
One lass said is 3 months of a year one fourth or a quarter?
It took a moment to set in.
Suddenly one by one everyone in the room started to look at her.
One fellow said: What the hell are you on about. They are exactly the same.
At the time it was hilarious

 

[Maverick Goose]

Sounds like she'll go far!

 

[jhawk]

Did you slap her upside the head for being so bloody stupid?!

 

[Speicher]

Me: Progress is very slow.
A N Other: Yes, progress can be very slow. It is often one step forward and two steps back.
Me:

 

[Crackle]

Bloke: "So you expect me to perform miracles do you?"
Me: Sheepishly, "ermmmm......"
Bloke: slight pause "............just as well I can then" He pulls a long rod out the cab
Me: "I nearly got them but my rod thing isn't long enough and then I broke it on the handle which I nearly opened"
Bloke: "You may have popped that window too far. Oh no, it's ok. Right idea though"
He reaches in with his rod, hooks my keys, lying on the front seat and pulls them out through the gap
Me "Brilliant!!"
Bloke: "What you gonna do now then?"
Me: "I'm going to drive home with the heating on full because I'm freezing"

And so ended my first dalliance with locking the keys in the car. I hope it's the last. I nearly succeeded with a bunch of cadged stuff but in the end I had to borrow a phone and call for help.

 

[colly]

Not my day, Mrs Colly's:

In a class for vulnerable kids she was sat with a group and the teacher was asking the group to imagine what they would spend £10 million on. After a bit of thought one little lad said:
'I would by some friends because don't have any.'

 

[Lanzecki]

Not my day, Mrs Colly's:

In a class for vulnerable kids she was sat with a group and the teacher was asking the group to imagine what they would spend £10 million on. After a bit of thought one little lad said:
'I would by some friends because don't have any.'

We need a dislike button for these, thankfully rare, occurrences

 

[Sandra6]

Customer - I've reserved some Fabsil online.
Me - ok, I'll just pop and get it for you. What name is it in?
Customer - I didn't give my name.
me walking away thinking that is very odd but I will go and look on the shelf anyway, needless to say I was not surprised it wasn't there.
Me - When you reserved the Fabsil did it not ask you to fill in your details for the collection?
Customer looks at me blankly.
Me - On the website after you've reserved your item it takes you to a page to fill in your name and a contact number. Did you see that?
Customer - Oh I didn't get that far. I saw you had some in stock.
Me - ok, you haven't actually reserved it then. I'll go and see if I can find it though.
Me lots of quite muttering to myself while I trawl through the boxes of stock that isn't on the shelves anymore, and eventually find the Fabsil.
Take it to the customer
Customer - yes that's it, I said you had some.
Me - Thank you, good bye.
Rolling eyes at manager, explain conversation.
Manager - He obviously hasn't used the system before.
Me - He obviously hasn't used the internet before.

 

[phil_hg_uk]

Customer - I've reserved some Fabsil online.
Me - ok, I'll just pop and get it for you. What name is it in?
Customer - I didn't give my name.
me walking away thinking that is very odd but I will go and look on the shelf anyway, needless to say I was not surprised it wasn't there.
Me - When you reserved the Fabsil did it not ask you to fill in your details for the collection?
Customer looks at me blankly.
Me - On the website after you've reserved your item it takes you to a page to fill in your name and a contact number. Did you see that?
Customer - Oh I didn't get that far. I saw you had some in stock.
Me - ok, you haven't actually reserved it then. I'll go and see if I can find it though.
Me lots of quite muttering to myself while I trawl through the boxes of stock that isn't on the shelves anymore, and eventually find the Fabsil.
Take it to the customer
Customer - yes that's it, I said you had some.
Me - Thank you, good bye.
Rolling eyes at manager, explain conversation.
Manager - He obviously hasn't used the system before.
Me - He obviously hasn't used the internet before.

About 10 - 12 years ago I was designing an online shop for the company I worked for and one of the Directors had been trying it out, when he came in I asked him how he had got on and he asked why it didn't know his email address and where he lived so I told him that he needed to fill in his details on the order page. He thought because it was the "Internet" it would just know

 

[jhawk]

A girl I know over here, bless her...

"So, aren't you trilingual?"
"Trilingual? What do you mean?" (I can sometimes barely speak English. So I've no idea where I could have picked up two other languages from!)
"Well, you can speak English over here, English over there, and a little bit of French, right?" I'm dumbfounded... I give her this aghast look before replying.
"Yeah, sure... Let's go with that."

 

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

my mum rings me...
mum: "right I have connected the digital photo thingie to the computer with a cable I found from the camera, but I can't seem to get it to work"
me: "have you connected the photo frame to its power cable?"
mum: "no, why would I need to do that?"
me: thinking here we go

30 mins later and my landline decides to fail on me: seriously it did, cut me off and saved me from more of the following...
....
mum: "why is it copying the 361 pictures 3 times?",
me: "how many times did you press ctrl+V on the keyboard, mum?"
mum: "three times"
me: deep breath before trying to explain

....
mum: "how do I cancel 2 of them?"
me: "press cancel on 2 of the boxes?"

we are getting there sloooooowly... its not like my mum is even old at 65 yrs old. My mother-in-law is +10 years older and far more pc literate and my mother is no better on her ipad either.

 

[jhawk]

Sounds remarkably like my conversation with The Olds (grandparents) last week.

"Oh, you've got a bunch of toolbar crap on here... BigFishGames... Great"
"What's a toolbar?"
"Never mind... How did this get installed then?"
"Well, your Granddad installed BigFishGames... that's all that happened, we didn't click on anything."
Granddad to Grandmother: "Don't blame me! I didn't install any toolbar." They proceed to argue amongst themselves for the next five minutes.
"Ahem! Children, please..." And to think they'll have been fifty years married in May of next year...

 

[coffeejo]

Following a random conversation earlier today about wheat, allergies and IBS:

S: "Oh, so you work in the NHS? What do you do?"
K: "Breasts and vaginas, not guts..."

 

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

Sounds remarkably like my conversation with The Olds (grandparents) last week.

"Oh, you've got a bunch of toolbar crap on here... BigFishGames... Great"
"What's a toolbar?"
"Never mind... How did this get installed then?"
"Well, your Granddad installed BigFishGames... that's all that happened, we didn't click on anything."
Granddad to Grandmother: "Don't blame me! I didn't install any toolbar." They proceed to argue amongst themselves for the next five minutes.
"Ahem! Children, please..." And to think they'll have been fifty years married in May of next year...

some of the rest of the conversation/series of questions went along the lines of
...
me: "press cancel on 2 of the boxes?"
mum: "I can't see a cancel button"
me: weiry sigh concealed: "just press on the red X on the top right of the copy box"
mum: "(hesitation) its come up with a prompt saying "are you sure you can to cancel", what should I press?"
me: resting the urge to say something along the lines of "you could try saying yes" and settles for "click yes mum"...
mum: "so has it copied them all over?"
me: "is there a box saying copying files from a to be will take x many minutes?"
mum: "yes 13 minutes"
me: "then it is still copying the files over mum"
and so on...

 

[Matthew_T]

I am half way to work and realise I have forgotten my clock in card. So I turn around and rush home.
I come from a national speed limit zone into a 30. So, I gradually slow down, however I am still doing 35 when I realise there is a mobile speed camera van being a ninja in some trees ahead of me. I come off the gas (so the nose doesnt dip under braking) and pass them at 30.

Me: Damn, damn, damn! I had better not have been caught then. Damn!

When I come past them in the other direction, the traffic ahead of me is doing 25mph. I thought it was a little too cautious though.
I am expecting a Fine in the post and will happily pay it. I know I was in the wrong.