Give me some dialogue from your day

[ACS]

Standing in the open doorway of a year 2 primary school class .

The children were sat on the floor listening to their teacher reading them a story. Teacher looks up

Me: "Mrs F you want the CD player on the PC upgraded?"

Mrs F: "Yes. Can you nip back Monday because it's story time and the children have been looking forward to it all week"

Me: " No problem"

Lone voice: "Cannot you not do it now? This is so boring."

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

*I am stood at the top of the stairs looking across the bannister down vertically at Cindy, our 3 legged Staffie*

Me: 'Cindy! ....... Cindy!' I then whistle at her

Cindy looks around confused, so I continue doing this a few times with the same effects. I whistle and she looks about to see who is whistling at her before cocking her head to the side in confusion. It never occurs to her to look up.

My Sister appears

'Look Cindy! who is that talking to you?'

Cindy gestures slightly confusedly to say that it must have been my sister

Sister 'No no its not me, where's Douglas? Where is he?'
She gestures upwards and Cindy finally looks up

Cindy (in gestures) 'Oh look, there you are! I knew you were there all the time, I was just humouring you'

I stand there and think

'Yeah right!'

 

[crazyjoe101]

As I was on the RH lane going onto (what I consider to be) a busy roundabout..

Random Guy in a Car to My Left: "CYLIST!"
Me (to myself): Just focus on the road...

 

[TVC]

While shopping, the wife and I were putting our stuff through the till and between us, packing it in bags..
Me to wife................'Hey, too much heavy stuff in that bag'
Wife to me...............'Pack it yourself then, I havnt got time to mess about'
Till lady to the wife...'It wasn't until I got this job I realised how anal men are about packing the shopping '
Wife to till lady........'Take no notice of him, he's usually worse than that '
Me to till lady..........'You know why we're so anal about it ?...cos WE got to carry the bloomin stuff back to the house, it's us that have to struggle with it '
Till lady...................'I don't know what all the fuss is about '
Me to till lady..........'See that Yorkie advert, the one with the guy struggling with a shedload of carrier bags...that's me that is '
Till lady................... 'I like that advert'

Lu and I take turns with this one:
Wait for the last item to be scanned at the till and the assistant to tell the total.
One announce with the anxiety of a too late realisation "Dog food!"
The second wait for suitable tension to arise with the teller before replying with some anger through gritted teeth "We don't have a dog"

 

[Lullabelle]

We were in a supermarket and I asked TVC how many eggs we needed, he replied 6 so I then asked 'are you sure, can't help thinking we need at least half a dozen' the looks on peoples faces was hilarious. Those kind of games and the 1 mentioned by TVC are funny to play.

 

[machew]

Cabbie - Why aren't you going
Me - It's a red light, I'm not that kind of cyclist. I don't jump red lights
Cabbie - Go, you are holding me up
Me - It's still Red. Do you want me to break the law?
Cabbie - It's been red for ages just go, you are holding me up
Me - It's still Red. Red means Stop or are you blind
Cabbie Revs engine and jumps red light, followed by the cabbie behind

Light goes green a bit later. I pull away

 

[pplpilot]

Mrs pplpilot leaves the dinner table to go into the other room to pour a glass of red.

She returns and sits back down.

Mrs pplpilot : eeeeerrr hang on a minute, theres a roastie missing...
Me : eh?
Mrs pplpilot : roastie, missing. You've taken one of my roast potatoes!
Me : no I haven't!
Mrs pplpilot : yes you have, my plate looks different.
Me : have not. You need to lay of the Merlot, thats the 2nd bottle you've opened, you're imagining it.
Mrs pplpilot : on my life?
Me : well it looked nicer than mine, the edges were wall burnt, sooooo nice, why does everyone else's food always taste better?
Mrs pplpilot : pathetic. Utterly pathetic. You're 43 years old for heavens sake!

A little later -

Me : cup of tea?
Mrs pplpilot : no, just a roast potato, like the one you stole! Roastie stealer!

 

[gbb]

Like MDBs post re the dog, mine's not so much a conversation, but it went...
'You needn't look so pleased with yourself'

Someone knocked at the door, outside are stood a couple with our labrador, he's all excited and happy, leaps in the front door and runs about looking all pleased with himself.
Id left the back gate open by mistake, he's been out for the last half hour, he looks like he's enjoyed every second of his temporary freedom.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

*Yesterday in the garden*

'Ok, so I'll start to tidy up the garden like I said I would, starting with this Berberis, I'll just trim it back, tidy it up a bit'.

*Many snips later.....*

'Umm, ok, I might have cut a bit too much off at the side, but to be fair, there are so many other things growing here I need to cut this back to get to them'.

*Stands back to take a look*

'Umm.... Ok, to even it up a bit I'll take that bit off there and maybe this piece here.....'.

*A few more snips later*

'Erm, I have messed that up, and Sod's Law, Mum will notice..... OF COURSE SHE'LL BLOODY NOTICE!! THERE IS SOD ALL LEFT!!
I just hope it'll come away again next summer'.

'Umm, ok..... Continue on regardless with the other plants...... Maybe I should really learn how to do this properly'.

*After clearing more undergrowth and wayward bushes (albeit more carefully), my parents arrive back. I am standing behind the bushes I have just been cutting back, and not sure they can see me. They just sit in the car looking at the carnage. I briefly think about hiding, but realise it would be pointless, so as if out of nowhere I appear from a bush in front of them and go to explain to them*

Mum: 'What have you done! I told you to leave it! (I had forgotten this bit) What have you done to it, its a mess! It was lovely too!!'

Me: 'Sorry, I got a bit carried away, but there were so many other things round about, I needed to cut it to get into the rest of the plants'.

Mum: 'Its Gordon all over again!' (A slightly unfair reference to an Autistic relative who once famously cut down a tree because he was painting a fence and the tree was in the way).

'Not quite Mum!' (Me thinking 'She might have a point up to a certain extent there!').

Dad: 'On the plus side, at least you are up and doing something!'

 

[Hill Wimp]

@Rockymountain not the only middle aged man that gets told off by his mum then!

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

@Rockymountain not the only middle aged man that gets told off by his mum then!

Rockaay, she's calling you middle aged!!

Seriously though, I am still living at home due to health problems, but I am planning to move out in the future, where my bikes will be able to live with me in central heated luxury instead of out in the garage like they are currently.

 

[Hill Wimp]

Rockaay, she's calling you middle aged!!

Seriously though, I am still living at home due to health problems, but I am planning to move out in the future, where my bikes will be able to live with me in central heated luxury instead of out in the garage like they are currently.

Sounds like your mum will be pleased too.

Speedy recovery , I did read Pats post. Bet you can't wait to get out on the bike again. Hope it's not too long.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Sounds like your mum will be pleased too.

Speedy recovery , I did read Pats post. Bet you can't wait to get out on the bike again. Hope it's not too long.

I need to get out on my bike now and I will, but I have been looking into dance lessons locally to get fit properly! (A studio does adult lessons, and.... well, I have always been rubbish at dancing, I am fully <and painfully> aware of this, so I want to do something about it).

I also need to get back to the Coastal Rowing, running (my local Sports centre does beginner sessions which I have been to before, so I know all about them) and the Curling (Shut up! There is a lot more to it than people think!).

 

[Arch]

Ah, berberis will grow back. We get tonnes of the stuff put out for us to recycle, along with pyracanthus, bramble and holly. All nice and prickly when placed in wafer thin supervalue binbags as you can imagine.

 

[London Female]

While out cycling Isis Ladies on sunday, one of the group asked:

Isis Lady: How long have you lived here?

Me: I've been in Oxfordshire about 11/12 years

Isis Lady: No, I mean how long have you been in the UK?

Me: Erm, I am British, I was born here apart from a few years in Germany with my ex husband I have always lived here

Isis Lady: Oh, I thought you were Australian

The reason for my user name "London Female" despite the fact I am no longer living in London, is even though I have not lived there for many years is that I have a very definite London accent which most people pick up on immediately.