Give me some dialogue from your day

[Mattonsea]

Your dog is made of pure win.

Its a bit special

 

[Puddles]

As a friend of mine would say, a certain amount of sass was allowed due to over tiredness

Son: I don't think we should have sausage sandwiches for dinner, it's not a proper meal and not filling enough
Me: Just eat it and if you are not full afterwards you can have some more

I am presented with a clean plate

Me: Did you want more?
Son: No thank you I am full up
Me: I thought sausage sandwiches were not filling enough and yet you are full up
Son: Yes I know but you didn't tell me they were the filling type of sausages I thought it was the not filling type of sausage
ME: Oh okay then....

 

[surfdude]

put the knife down . you really don't want to hurt anyone do you ? he started it . no he said be careful as i have a knife . he was only saying i have a knife and to be careful near him , not that he wanted a fight so put the knife down please .

 

[captain nemo1701]

We have a member of staff who relocated to the Isle of Wight, where she's from, but she still works part-time for us. We recently took on some part-time staff. We were chatting in the office about our staff member on the IoW.

Part timer: I wonder what it's like living on an island?

Me (pointing to wall map of UK); You live on one

 

[Arch]

Son: Yes I know but you didn't tell me they were the filling type of sausages I thought it was the not filling type of sausage
.

That's just the sort of logical statement my older nephew comes out with, and you just can't argue!

Some dialogue from last weekend, when NT and I were working with his friend Colin to plaster our bedroom. The chat had turned to how much alcohol various people drink.

NT: I think I drink much more since I've been with Arch.
Me: Um, do you want to rephrase that?
NT and Me:

Basically, he was talking about moving from a glass of wine twice a year, to us sharing a bottle between us over a weekend, maybe twice a month. I've hardly driven him to drink!

 

[colly]

Pal: Can we get that seat sorted for my camper van sometime ?
Me: Sure. When ?
Pal: Any time to suit you.
Me: I'm easy. as soon as you like. Call round after 7 and we'll get it done in a couple of hours.
Pal: Ah. Can't call tonight I'm picking up kids from swimming.
Me: OK well I can't do tomorrow so what about Sat am?
Pal: No I'm visiting family on Saturday.
Me: OK. When ?
Pal: Any time to suit you.
Me: Monday night ?
Pal: not sure ?
Me: Tuesday night?
Pal: Umm?
Me: Give me a call in a week or so.
Pal: Ohh. Thought we could sort it sooner.
Me:........................................click.

 

[Maverick Goose]

"Even the gulls here know how to pose for photographs"

 

[gbb]

'NOOOO...for chrissakes you stupid mutt !!!!'

Not so much a conversation but an outburst from me to the dog.
Just starting painting the living room and i'd just laid the paint tray on the living room floor. The dog has now come in and settled down on his bed In the corner of the room.....no no no, i ushered him out to his basket, holding his collar till he was just at the door of the living room, as soon as I let go, he turned tail and walked straight back to his bed in the living room, straight through the paint tray Ive laid on the floor. White paint is now splattered all up his leg, all over the floor (thankfully a laminate floor) . I now have to usher him to the garden to clean him up, leaving an even bigger trail of paw prints through the house.
A great start to a job I don't particually enjoy doing anyway

 

[Arch]

Round at TVC and Lullabelle's earlier, TVC wanted to take a couple of comedy pics for the tea thread, and asked Lu to go and get the jam I'd brought them. While she was gone, I said

"oh, if I'd known you were taking a photo, I'd have tried to get the egg stain out of my fleece top!"

As she returned to the room, TVC was readying his camera and NT was saying

"Well, take your top off then..."

Lu:

 

[gbb]

Colleague..
'Here, did you see the news last night, they're , gointg to charge 5p for a carrier bag'
Me..
'Yeah, I heard that, its been a long time coming'
'Well I think its disgusting'
'Why?'
'Carrierbags should be free, I don't see why they should charge us for them'
'Its because of the environmental damage they do'
'Eh'
'There's tons and tons of them go to landfill every day and they take years and years to
break down in the soil'
'Yeah well, what about all the other plastic stuff then,'
'You're missing the point, you DONT have to use a disposable carrier bag, you buy a re-useable one'
'But why should I ?'
'Youre looking at it from a selfish point of view, you gotta think about the uneccessary wqste'
'Well it wont be a convenience store any more, not if they make it inconvenient for you to carry your shopping home'
'It wont be inconvenient, you'll buy a proper bag'
'Yeah, what when I just make a quick visit to buy just a few things then'
'Then you spend 5p and get a disposable bag'
'So whats the point then ?'
'The point is, it will massively reduce the amount of disposable bags going to landfill'
'Well I dont think it will'
I take a deep breath....'Well, youre wrong arent you'
'No, I thinks its all bollix, 5p for a carrier bag, its disgusting'
'TBF, if the 5p is going to a good cause, I dont mind, but if its going in the supermarket coffers, then I would be p1ssed off as well'
'So are ALL shops doing this then ?, even the small ones .'
'Probably not'
'There you go then, whats the point'
'Supermarkets account for the vast vast majority of bags used, so it will have a huge impact anyway'
'Well I still think its disgusting'
I closed it with, mainly because you cant argue with a thicket...'we'll have to agree to disqgree then eh ?'

 

[Herr-B]

The wife's a teacher, and had arranged for a group of students studying law to visit the local crown courts. In hindsight it may have been wise to know who exactly was up before the beak that day.

Wife: Well do you remember a lad I used to teach, called 'x'. I'm sure I mentioned him.
Me: Nope.
Wife: Well he's now a convicted pedophile, he got five years.
Me: OK, how do you know?
Wife: I got a call from (someone?), the group of kids I sent to court on a trip today saw his sentencing. And they all know him.
Me: Oh.

 

[siadwell]

I closed it with, mainly because you cant argue with a thicket...'we'll have to agree to disqgree then eh ?'

Or, as my wife is fond of saying "Well I could agree with you...but then we'd both be wrong."

 

[swee'pea99]

Automated phone voice: To direct your call, I need to have the first letter of your reference. Please say the first letter of your reference after the tone.
Me (??? - the reference is numerical. No letters. Just possibly that first zero is actually an O...): O
Automated phone voice: the letter is...L....is that right?
Me: No.
Automated phone voice: I'm sorry about that. After the tone, please tell me the first letter of your reference.
Me: Zero.
Automated phone voice: the letter is...A...is that right?
Me: No.
Automated phone voice: I'm sorry about that. After the tone, please tell me the first letter of your reference.
Me: FFS, there are no bloody letters...it's all numbers!
Automated phone voice: the letter is...L...is that right?
Me: AAAAAAARGH!

 

[swee'pea99]

No, the bleedin' Poe-liss

 

[BrianEvesham]

Setting the scene.

Mother in law and wife drinking tea in the front room.

I enter;
I walk through in full Lycra, helmet and spd shoes
MIL; "Are you going out for a ride?"
Me; " No, I always dress like this to lounge around the house."