Give me some dialogue from your day

[Puddles]

Husband and son arrive home from school run late with bag from local co-op

H - Hiya love as you have been baking all day Squidge & I thought we would save you making dinner didn't we?

S - *Nods* yes Mummy Daddy let me choose

Me - Oh right and what did you choose

S - Pepperoni Pizza!

Me - how lovely

(I hate pepperoni & not keen on shop bought pizza either)

H - Whats that I can smell

Me - Roast Beef in the oven that was dinner

S - *Bursts into tears* but I chose and Daddy said and *unintelligeable*
(Very tired 7 y/o after a long week)

Me - Its fine you can have pizza we shall have the roast cold tomorrow

H - Oh err sorry!

 

[Salad Dodger]

I overheard the following conversation today: (I guess they were discussing a forthcoming holiday)

Lady: "I am going to lay on the beach and read a book"

Man: "I am going to go horse riding.......... on a horse"

 

[gbb]

I give my colleague a bit of stick on here, he is good most of the time, but lets himself down. I'm watching him assemble a new office chair in the workshop. Hes got it spread over the floor, which is dusty, possibly oily or greasy and has a rough surface...hardly ideal.
'I'd do that somewhere cleaner, its getting dirty'
'Yeah, it'll brush down'
'You're taking a risk, thats probably a £150 chair'

So he carries on, oblivious of the risk, dragging bits over thefloor...I'm getting irritated now.
As he finishes assembling it, he gives it cursory wipe over..and misses loads of dust and muck on the back.

'Give that a proper wipe down David, there's still crap all over it, it looks like it just came out the skip.'
He's trying to play it down...
'It'll be ok, its just dusty'
'Its a managers chair, lets try to look professional David, you really should have done that in a clean space'
'Yeah, but there wasnt anywhere clean anyway'
'Then you should have MADE somewhere clean, thats no excuse'
Shakes head as I walk off.....

 

[chriss2.0]

i was talking to a friend about a robin reliant re-fab with a friend, about engines and stuff.
and a 10 year old kid gets jealous

kid "so you had a 3 wheeler before?"

me "yes thats what we are talking about"

kid "well i gotta 3-wheeler quad!"

me "no you dont"

kid "yes i do"

friend "there is no such thing as a 3 wheeler quad"

kid "well how come i got one!.... i ride it all the time!"

me (explains that quad means 4)

kid "well i still have a 3 wheeler quad and you dont!"

me

 

[dellzeqq]

just now............'could you pop the fizz because I've got wet nails'

 

[subaqua]

Automated phone voice: To direct your call, I need to have the first letter of your reference. Please say the first letter of your reference after the tone.
Me (??? - the reference is numerical. No letters. Just possibly that first zero is actually an O...): O
Automated phone voice: the letter is...L....is that right?
Me: No.
Automated phone voice: I'm sorry about that. After the tone, please tell me the first letter of your reference.
Me: Zero.
Automated phone voice: the letter is...A...is that right?
Me: No.
Automated phone voice: I'm sorry about that. After the tone, please tell me the first letter of your reference.
Me: FFS, there are no bloody letters...it's all numbers!
Automated phone voice: the letter is...L...is that right?
Me: AAAAAAARGH!

View: http://youtu.be/sAz_UvnUeuU

 

[phil_hg_uk]

View: http://youtu.be/sAz_UvnUeuU

 

[Sandra6]

me - (as boy on bso hurtles off pavement, round parked car and directly into my path) Whoooaa!! Look where you're going you idiot
Boy - Who you calling an idiot? you nearly rode into me!

 

[gbb]

While shopping, the wife and I were putting our stuff through the till and between us, packing it in bags..
Me to wife................'Hey, too much heavy stuff in that bag'
Wife to me...............'Pack it yourself then, I havnt got time to mess about'
Till lady to the wife...'It wasn't until I got this job I realised how anal men are about packing the shopping '
Wife to till lady........'Take no notice of him, he's usually worse than that '
Me to till lady..........'You know why we're so anal about it ?...cos WE got to carry the bloomin stuff back to the house, it's us that have to struggle with it '
Till lady...................'I don't know what all the fuss is about '
Me to till lady..........'See that Yorkie advert, the one with the guy struggling with a shedload of carrier bags...that's me that is '
Till lady................... 'I like that advert'

 

[Arch]

My workmate had to climb up into the vehicle this morning to trample down some card.

Him: I'll stay up here while you drive into the Court, you might need to hand me some stuff up from the binstore.
Me: Ok, but watch your head as we go through the archway!
Him: I will!

I drive in, and get out, and find he'd laid right down in one of the paper sacks in order to stay low.

Him: This is quite comfy!
Me:

So, we do that binstore, and he gets out.

Him: Oh! Where's my phone, it was in my pocket... It's fallen out of my pocket in the sack.

(we'd tipped a couple of boxes of paper in there since he got out)

Him: Can you ring me please?

So I did, and he scrabbled about in the paper until he found it...

 

[Lanzecki]

Sounds like me when my phone is not in it's charger.
"Mrs. Lanzecki, can you ring my phone"
"Check your pocket"
"Ohh, yea.."

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

*I was standing in a local shop a day or two ago and there was a young(ish) man and woman working in the shop. I walk in at the start of a not so serious argument about the bit of overgrown wasteland opposite that was being cut back by a tractor. This requires a set of gates that are usually locked to be opened.*

Man: 'Are they doing something over there?'
Woman: 'Yes, they are cutting all the bushes back, you told me earlier, remember?'
Man: 'No I didn't'
Woman: 'Yes you did, you were talking about it!'

*This goes on a few more times, with me wondering if they really were talking about the wasteland, until I say*

Me: 'You mean over there with the tractor and the gates open?'

Woman: 'Yes, you see, he knows what I'm talking about, don't you?'
Me: 'Yes'
(They always cut it back at this time of year and I know all about it as it was a favourite haunt of the dogs at one time and was always known as 'The Field' to us).

Woman: 'Yes that bit over there! *Gestures* you told me about it earlier!'

Man (the penny finally dropping): 'Oh, THAT!!'

*The woman and I stand and smile at each other in recognition of his stupidity before she disappears off, presumably to have a good laugh/cry.*

 

[fimm]

Yesterday:

Colleague A (to colleague B) aren't you coming to the meeting?
Colleague B: The meeting was rescheduled to Thursday.
Colleague A: This is Thursday...

 

[Mattonsea]

Wife , Have you bought a guitar?
Me , What !!!
Wife , Look the parcel .. its your name on it? its a guitar!!
Me , No its the exhaust for the land rover.. sigh

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Me "Where do they live?"

Mrs 3BM "The thingy next to the whatsit, you know"

Me "could you be slightly more specific?"